Show -- STUDENT LIF5 R1L 1 1952 — S Committee Cans Campus Cars JOHNNIE STOOEItT Boy Reporter tiaffic committee acting in a moment wlum their Utah State' marble appaiently weren't all stacked up in the light Older have banned car from the fair domain of the Aggie campus According to woid released by Seedy McGioom campus tiaffic coordinator all peisons who aie caught driving eats on the campus e ill be shct A group of HOTC expeiis have been put e payroll of the college to dispose of all violators oath George Harding once a diminutive figure on the campus as tiaffic- will now have unlimited poweis The traflic comticket writer-ou- t mittee placed him in ohaige of the shooting squad giving him full for the violatois right to decide life or death In the process of publishing STUDENT LIES the editors wete Eord up against the Commons building forced to drive a beat-ou- t to obtain gome copy which inadvertantly was left in the office The rush of deadlines made it imperative that they obtain the copy d to the building Haiding thus they did not have time to happened to rush out into the middle of the quad as they dtove up dog whistle summoned the shooting squad and with his suitr-oni- c The picture included on this page with thi story was taken just hole in the heaits of before the bullets made than- diamond-shape- d BY title-rang- full-tim- dog-sle- - the violators M it ton Miffed the squad snatched Being as egotistical as all tiaffic committees at I up the picture fiont the camera of Geoige (you pi ess the button do the rest) Photographer Milton they rushed it to the LIES office Upon they left the picture with explicit finding no one ptesenf whom they had Just shot that the picture instruction to the editoi must go in When Geoige Harding anived with the boys to the office they ere only too glad to include the pietuie in the issue Vh n the matter of condition As to their decision to abolish cars of the roads was brought up in the meeting the suggestion was made that rather than make roads over the holes that oil wells should be 1 provide established which would accomplish a two-Iol- d puipose of school (2) of member the for engineering practical experience dded income to the college give Clumsy ( lord A number of witnesses were present at the meeting to uig AIM MIsHRE — look miiihtv bad for Thing the ro I ome poor Kitrnvr lege firing ftqmid prepare to punioh him for a traffic viola d italr of affair t ion Thi ramo on the heel of a otern rra4kdoaii by the ( tub State 1rf firmed KnlV the t committee to repair the roads Dean’ Cat itun Clumsy himself an to repair cvpert driver was on bended knee to beg the committee the roads Said the Dean "I am auch a good diiver that 1 have Madsen pushed me in one of the hobs molded the holes but Pre car and all 1 began failing failing falling and thought I would nver reach the bottom When I smacked against the haid cold bottom of the hole I was immediately d lug d with offets to join the Chinese Communist pmty After explanntun of my situatione it took all of Mao’s army to push me bni k up the hole" OSerau-Mao's at my the Dean also modestly accepted ciedit he for ending the Korean war) conSeveral phone calls weie made to leading oil cerns and finally a contiact was agieed upon to drill for oil in the holes The company representative is expected m town In two weeks Dr Theodote M Hutton is planning to wnte a new school song Culinary to popular belief hich will be titled: "Down Among the Aggieland Oil Wells Wlieie there is a gills lacrosse I First Met You With Oil Punning Down the Lark of Your Neck" or game planned for April 17th on Eor l's” “Things Aie Looking Clack the quad ta'ed Mis Du "We Cars overeil have to weed those boy out of final the that matter It was only after long dehbeiation over the the girls' diessing room" Down was in answer to an unreliable report step was taken to abolish all cars from the campus The decision concern outside an further enhanced when it was discovered that handed out by the college new be would whose book stoic was planning to build a diive-ibureau prices tremendously lower than Aggteland's bookstore t com“Such an Institution would never be any good for students mented Eric Johnson bookstore manager who was railed into the meeting "It would leave the students wilh so much exit a money (Continue I fiom Page 1) that likely they would turn to diink to use up the excess profils that accrue from a col lege education" Those sterling words clinch d medal for his valiant woik in exthe decision and the committee ruled: LET IT HENCEFORTH AND Wheelposing Cai lisle while FOREVER BE KNOWN THAT THERE WILL EE NO CARS ON was allowed to do all BUZwright AGGIELAND'S ROADS ONE OF THESE DAYS ONE OF THE el ZER woik free of ohaige because MIGHT FALL IN ONE OF THE HOLES BATHE IN OIL AND of his help to the government TAKE AWAY FROM THE COLLEGE THAT MUCH MORE OIL Since the person who exposed AnWE MUST BE VIGILANT AT AIL TIMES IN PREVENTING CRIME derson wished to remain synonyt j to Play Lacrosse PemeyB GaSs long-distan- rt n Communist ON THE CAMPUS AND WHAT BETTER WAY CAN WE DO THIS BULLETS BY DIAMOND-SHAPEELIMINATING THE HEART ALL VIOLATORS AMEN” THAN BY THROUGH D WENDENES SHOE REPAIR NUMBER 9 NORTH MAIN mous special underground ceremonies weie held at Lognn' cemetery lasf nichl This Is Wo April Fool We do have 60 100 new wool Desert Sheen gabardine suits at this special reduced price HOP IN WE CATER TO STUDENTS WE WILL SAVE YOU MONEY Take Him for a Ride GIRLS SEE OUR LOVELY One Man Furnished Gibson With Each Bike Rented Christmas Cards First Girl Gets Bill Hull These luit ere the best teller in the gabardine family for spring Both single end double breasted models AS SEEN IN GRANT'S TRICYCLE SHOP ON TOP OF THE POST OFFICE VVE SELL TROUBLES SHOTGUNS IF YOU HAVE FAMILY LIFE We have appropriate kind tor everyone Wilkinson's $ Sizes 36 to 44 4©o° i |