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Show Page 40A-T- HERALD, Provo, LUh Wednesday, November HE Family Life Edition 1, 1971 Book Praised by Reviewer On Mother, Daughter Ties By REV. M ILL! AM SCHROEDER Orem Community Church L'.C.C. years ago there was a popular song w ritten by Malvina Reynolds and Turn Harry Belafonte entitled Around." "Where are you going1 My little one Little one. Where are you going"? My baby. My own Turn around, Turn around, and you're two. turn around and you're four, Turn around, and you're a young girl, going out of the door. Where are you going? My little one, Little one, Little dirndls and petticoats. Where have you gone? Turn around, and you're tiny, turn around and you're grown. Turn around and you're a young wife, with babes of your own. Turn around, turn around, turn around." Nancy Friday's "My Mother My Self" ... is a stimulating and enlightening study of mother daughter relationships. The author mixes portions of her own autobiography with by psychotherapists, commentary family counselors, sociologists and utilizes anecdotes by and interviews with a variety of mothers and daughters. Ms. Friday says that 'Every relationship has unique features and that she is really interested in showing women the process of coming to terms honestly with their mothers or daughters. Warned that she may be overstress-in- g the shaping role of mothers in the development of a daughter's personality, she responds, "I.jgree; mother is not the only determining factor in the girls' life. But whatever else happens to us in relationships to father, the tie to mother is peers, teachers the one constant, a kind of lens through which all that follows is seen." Men as well as women will find some points of clarification in this fascinating study. The book covers so much ground and brings together so many experiences that I would be doing it an injustice by trying to summarize it in a few major points. Instead, to give you some sense of the book, I have gathered several quotations, issues raised, and a few questions and hopefully, you will pick up the 'lens' to see further. "Incomplete., unsatisfying, or interrupted symbiosis stamps a woman for life. We missed something from our mothers; despaired; grew guarded and learned early a cramped line of defense: not to expect too much from the world. Even as our lovers hold us we cannot believe thev will not leave. Our husband complains that we are suffocating him: 'What more do you want of me?' he cries. We cannot give it a name but we feel a distance is there. As mothers, we turn and cling to our own daughter. 'Call me when you get there, no matter what time it is.'" "The mother who doesn't give her daughter the affirmation she needs finds out that she is linked to her by a negative force. The daughter will never leave until she is blessed." "Do you make yourself into a different person when you visit your mother? Can't she accept the real you or aren't you willing to let her know the truth?" "We offer man our bodies if they will marry us; afterward we are mystified because we are less interested in sex now he is 'ours.' What we wanted all along wasn't sex, but closeness." When a man holds his wife close and he swoons, is it the present moment providing the meaning or the remembrance of the feeling a daughter had when she was held in her mother's ' arms? "A compulsive housecleaner is a daughter who takes out her rage on dirt; it's the only way she has found to get rid of her 'unwomanly' anger. A few KrtfciWM- BwtfhlwwiH M- r-- u & ftt Ml CW4 Arfyte JrA ' v? ' ';Pt Mkra Stetor Kim Onrari YS V- - T' CAIT S70NI Je Qkritteatea C Smith 7) TlvTFT m m I JM ChriilMM mmmm m let. SIMM -V HOURS: FALL I 8:00 5:30 P.M. 8:00 A.M. 1 P.M. A.M. - TllnritV CDCC j Ccxxy 1: fin F rg. Ct Ci Cdi 1 1 11 m, 11 .O.ST $10.08 CcSsnfey, r m 9.C0 Curtis, rtg. $11.52 Crttd, Ci si I Of THIS r Vif El 1 turkey is yours with each $100 worth ADVERTISED PABLO CX ACCESSORIES PURCHASED io-l- b. irilLL. IUIUILI SAT. .: T i Gd HmJ), Ci 2d rtg. $1 t.io 9.36 1.25 O.C0 ..6.99 Ccrr Tbt i Cri lsd ftoA $17.45 r;.J.'tortg.' rc $10.08 I 9X0 14.03 .0.57 At CzzzZz Edwy .6.99 21.60 J:t, Pcjs ftg. $10.v5 Ai Ctisr . .'. . . .9.31 ; CCtd Wood), reg. $25.50 Us'Hm J.;,,.;........ tt Crrf!ra r;a, rtzm Cdr, ilxSkt Odw reg. ...........7.29 14.41 16.95 .0.45 13.21 12.93 .7.29 0.92 6,99 wg. $9.93 g. $14.95 rtg. $14.64 Tsr, Ffei rog. $10.50 C;i lmsi f.ii fto, LIQUID KAILS Paneling Adhesive FIB urns COLORED Glue one tube with every 4 pet. paneling purchased from our fall tale. 95' for 6 piece. Enough Suggested retail $1 Quarts Gallons 9.66 3.64 firring strips 3.80 lOPkg 2x2-- 8' 2x4-- 8' Wc!at, (2) tides 30.12 31.56 31.56 1.03 STRIPPING 24 24 3 Inside Cove 8 ft., reg. $1.16 Outtide Corner lh.,rg.$l.?5 Deer Step 7 ft., reg. $1.52 Coilnj 7 ft., reg. $2.60 . . f1 f I 2f 211 late 8 ft., reg. 2" $3.08 l!t.,icg.S!.10 Coe 8 ft., reg. latttn $1.96 . Strip 8 ft., rea. V2' . . ... ft. 13' I Outtide Corner . . ft. I 4t "7Q . I W 21' It- - 2 1 ft. late Casing 1 ! jjI ill Cuts wood, light heavy metals, plastics and laminates. Finger tip speed control. ment controls. Blade 12,000 OPM for fast, smooth sanding. Design allows for (lush sanding on 3 sides. YOUR CHOICE " 1 t if Vi. us. 27'88 HUVY DUTT Ij 1. 1 Heavy duty staple gun NaU & 114 HP, double insulated. Angle adjust- "The classic mistake mothers with adolescent girls," says Dr. Fredland, "is that they won't let them become women." Are they threatened by sexual competition from their daughters? The daughter who wants to relive her mother's life is in need of can't face separa- tion from mother, the daughter ingests her. The bitter daughter who blames her mother for her screwed up life will be tied to her mother forever because she won't take command of her own life. Whose responsibility is it to tell the that letting go is the most loving thing she can do for both herself and her daughter? Why do we make ourselves small and powerless when we visit mother? To affirm her continuing love and care for us. It's a teat. Cutting the symbiotic tie between mother and daughter ... is best begun through an effort of absolute honesty, introspection, and memory. We have to see who mother was, and who we are. What was mother really like when were were little? Was she withholding, not quite attentive enough? Or did she overprotect, intrude and make us fearful of life without her? Have we been able to face both the good mother and the bad, to know what we love and what we hate, and begun to fuse them all at last without sentimental gloss? There is a special and emphatic connection between mothers and daughters which links them together in a crucial and lifelong way. Is there a daughter anywhere who can say that she is not carrying within her psyche and conscience a portion of her mother? And is there a mother anywhere who will not honestly admit that, although her daughter may not be near her physically, she resides in her heart and lingers in her consciousness? Both mother and daughter are at some point in time on their own. But they remain deeply embedded in each other as well. A similar theme is picked up in two recent movies, "Interiors;" written and directed by Woody Allen and "Autumn Football Has Never Been Same Game WASHINGTON -"Outlined against the October sky, the Four Horsemen" and the rest of football's great backs and broken field runners owe it all to William Ellis and his blue-gra- y blunder. Otherwide, they probably never would have made the record books, even with colorful sportswriting help from Grantland Rice. Ellis' contribution to their subsequent reputations and to the game itself came during a soccer match at Rugby, England, in 1823 when the fledgling footballer did the unthinkable: Instead of kicking the ball, he picked it up and ran with it. Nobody had ever done that before, and football has never been the same since, thanks to the schoolboy's "fine disregard for the rules." Service Given On Welfare Farms In Area Eight to ten thousand people in Utah Valley apple pick at the LDS Welfare farms each year. A few groups have Sonata," written and turned this project directed by Ingmar Bergman. You may find My Mother My Self: The Daughter's Search For Identity a means for doing your own search. What's all the fuss about? Each of the above named are from this area, married and confined to a wheelchair as a result of an accident or disease at one point in their lives. Advantageous or a disadvantage? Inside Corner who posea here with her daughter Jenny. male conds. CHAMPION STUDS . ea. 1.63 49 EXEMPLIFYING the theme of the book "My Mother, My Self," is mother Liz Hurst, Last year, Jack Nelson shot the only deer in his hunting party. Recently, Arlene Dredge dove off a diving board with the assistance of her husband. Will. This past summer Mike Johnson set a national record for the 100 yard dash with a time of 17.5 se- KILN DRIED DOUGLAS FIR immlfetf i Since she 1 into a party by picking for a few hours and then going to a nearby barn and having a square dance. To Keep People From Success 32.88 33.78 V II I' 1 Wheelchair Confinement Fails Price includes casing 2 4x8sh:etrock i2 12-- 6.99 24.06 7.27 9.44 rg. $29.25 reg. $8.55 Ossfy Hsct Sotkty, rog. $11.10 80 lo match pantling .0.C3 AsKft JWatf, 1.17 2.91 8' fcs Box. value. 12 Pts :ri Cna C:i fcta VtdL 3. $9.45 VCzz'Azz Fttra r j vh vj r 1-- 1 ., ' handle dozens of household jobs Gfeat lor hobby Droiects as well. Accepts 5 staple sues up :o 916"! (145) will You decide. In any instance, the families of these and other wheelchair people in Utah Valley and the beliefs of their faith played a key role, and continue to do so. in their lives. Mrs. Dredge believes the "gospel provides a way to live for every person regardless of circumstances ... Knowing this life is very short helps me greatly. I'd feel cheated if I knew this was the only life there was. The gospel makes it all seem worthwhile." "The potential to stay a family, the fact that families are an eternal thing is so neat! It's a good feeling to have and live with," Mike Johnson says. Jack Nelson says, "everyone whether LDS or not, realizes that life is a series of challenges. "The richness of life comes from things that are not temporary. Friendships are not over with death,1 or when someone moves or is hurt. This bonding is one of the most important aspects of life." Nelson continues. Families are important in encouraging and expecting the handicapped to achieve. Nelson says, "The ones who never really adjust are those that their family didn't expect them to go out and do things. If they expect a lot from you, you will succeed. Mrs. Dredge says her husband, Will "not only helps me to be independent, but expects me to be independent." She notes how easy it is to be overprotective and the devastating results it can produce. jonnson is the Explorer leader in his ward in Alpine. "I feel I have more influence on the guys than i normal person would. They see me in a chair doing stuff guys normally don't do, and they respect that. It kppn? m.e in line knowing I can intiuence them one way or another." Mrs. Dredge has been the featured speaker at a number of youth conferences, workshops and classes. "I know ttie church has played an important role in my life," she says. As Nelson states, "Everyone has problems. We're no different from anyone else. You find ways of com- pensating, but the family must expect it." Family life is no different than it would be without the chairs. Everyone has goals, everyone wants to be someone. An advantage in ome respects, a disadvantage in others, a family on wheels is a beautiful thing. A, ELLEN LEE, 2fi, talks to reporter ia New York last month. She has the distinction of bein the first woman to hold a seat on the New York Stock exchange. She Is using her position to raise money for the U.S. Olympic Committee. (UPI Telephoto) |