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Show - Failing Rflarriages But it was the children of divorced or feuding parents who struck the deepest blow at the attorney, himself a happily married father of three children. He learned that many of these children, after their parents' divorce, became unmanageable at home and at school. Today, hanging in his office is a cartoon showing a small boy kneeling beside his bed saying this prayer: "Dear Lord, please make Mamma and Papa stop fightuV, 'cause it's hard to take sides when you love them both, and besides, I'm ashamed to face the kids." Seeing the unhappy effects on both par: ents and children, the attorney began spending more and more time trying to reconcile feuding couples. DA has helped lighten his work considerably. Divorcees Anonymous meetings are held semimonthly. The identity of all members is guarded. Full names are never used at open meetings. Each member is given a chance to air his or her problem, and a solution is offered by other members. is stressed in these group meetings. The individual is encouraged to take a close look at his own attitudes, thinking, and actions. "When I first came here," Rita C, an attractive young wife, told the group, "I was looking for sympathy. I put the whole blame on my husband for our unhappy marriage. But after examining my own attitudes and actions, I'm not sure but what he needs the sympathy! I never realized it before, but I must be difficult to live with!" Six months later she informed the group that things were looking better. "We've both changed, but I had to change my ways first before I could make my husband want to change his." Difficult cases presented at the meetings are usually assigned to two DA workers, at least one of whom has had a similar experience. They work privately with the individual, and are on call day or night for anyone who needs them. They are dedicated, unpaid, and anonymous citizens who have two things in common: a domestic storm in their own marriage and a fervent desire to throw a lifeline to others who find themselves struggling in matrimonial rough waters. Many of them are divorcees eager to help others avoid their mistake. Some are those who, with the aid of DA, have saved their marriage and would like to help others do the same. "It frightens me," says one now woman, "to think what I Self-invento- ry ppily-married i 'ff 0 (Continued) might have missed if I'd gone through with a divorce! I've had my happiest times since my husband and I talked things over with a DA worker and decided to work out our problems," to church together reg- who Couples and go pray together at home ularly seldom need to call on DA. "Every marin, and riage is .made stronger by belief " reliance on, a Higher Power DA says. "It is this spiritual basis that keeps a marriage on course." Maturity is necessary, too, if a couple wishes to avoid the common pitfalls of V; marriage. "Immaturity," DA tells those all seeking help, "is the cause or basis of marital disturbances, whether they have been brought on by 'the other woman,' by or by drinking." finances, by Hundreds of reconciliations have been through correspondence. accomplished Jean D., one of DA's most loyal workers, figures she has spent more than 3,000 hours at her typewriter answering letters. Often, the cases will stretch over months. One long correspondence was with a wife facing the "other woman" problem. After months of letters going back and forth, she wrote: "I have done as you suggestedbuilt up my husband's ego and made him realize I need him, but refusing to grovel in any way and always seeking to deserve his respect. I've made a lot of changes in my disposition, and things are some going much better. He wants to buy new furniture, and by that I feel he intends to stay." Marriages would have a better chance of survival, DA's founder believes, if atangry couples didn't rush off to an Lititorney, insisting on a quick divorce. gation only widens the breech between in-la- : - ; i ws, t choose 'A self-servi- ce display cues ocan 4 marriage can be reborn if there's a real desire and a strong will to make it so!" 1957 cm yours from this them, often killing any reconciliation. The real solution is more apt to come if they both made an honest effort to talk over their differences, being considerate and appreciative of the other's views. When they can't accomplish this by themselves, DA is willing to help. The workers' reward is seeing a couple, once hostile and resentful toward each other, happy and in love again; or receiving grateful letters such as this recent one from a woman in Des Moines: "The biggest change of all is the miracle that after all the hatred I once felt for my husband, I am now deeply in love with him again. And I believe he is with me. 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