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Show f The Daily Utah Chronicle - Page Seven Thursday, January 16, 1992 Elvis real culprit in JFK confusion Letters three hitters from the camp of a Marseilles drug-lor- d that had been feeling pinched by Bobby Kennedy, JFK's attorney general and Animal medical research There's been a lot of talk about conspiracies when it comes to the murder of John F. Kennedy, the greatest president this nation has ever known. Everyone from the OA to Lee Harvey Oswald to the French Mafia to space aliens have been blamed for JFK's death. There is only one thing that all these theories agree on that President Kennedy was shot in Dallas on Nov. 22, 1963. Beyond that, each theory is as mutually exclusive as the Nazi Party and the NAACP. The problem the various conspiracy theorists (whom I won't mention by name because I don't want to embarrass them by making them look ignorant in public) have is that the conspiracy is much too mob-busti- brother. The mobster figured that getting JFK would diffuse his brother and was thus a willing accomplice. The assassins were disguised as hobos that day. Several top-ranki- ng OA agents were already in town, posted in the crowd along the motorcade route. They are visible in the many photos and are identified with the following handles: Hat Karl Steven large for them to comprehend. Basically, all the theorists have glimpsed a minute piece of a Chronicle sprawling tapestry, but so Car no one has revealed the big picture. Until now. have been investigating the Kennedy assassination for quite some time now, and with the revived in the interest circumstances surrounding the demise of this great man, I have ng Mail Clerk I than the nation they served. In Man, Badge Man, Umbrella Man, and Dog Man. One assassin took up position on a grassy knoll, (with Hat Man) one by a concrete wall near the train yard, (with Badge Man) and a third was on an overpass (with Dog Man.) Umbrella Man was in the crowd. He used his umbrella to signal the assassins when they had to start shooting, but also to fire a primarily used foreign crime the to perform elements assassination. Specifically were President Kennedy, paralyzing him for the final headshot fired by the shooter at the concrete wall. With decided to come forward with my own theories. When JFK threatened to disband the OA, that organization decided their survival was more important order to ensure confidentiality, they dart with paralyzing venom at Kennedy dead, the French gangsters escaped (they got busted, but the CIA had them released immediately) and the CIA guys simply ran away. But what about Lee Harvey Oswald, the man many, including the government, believe to be the sole gunman in Dallas that day? He was nowhere near Dallas. In fact, he wasn't even on this planet n fact that our It's a government has had relations with space aliens since 1953 (the Weekly World News has reported this time and again,) and there can be little doubt mat "Oswald" was a robot That's the only way he could have shot at Kennedy from the top floor of the book depository, run down all those flights of stairs and well-know- not be out of breath. The real Oswald was kidnapped, at the urging of the OA, by space aliens and kidnapped by a e replica. hie-lik- The theory was that the robot would be a much better shot than the French assassins. As it turned out, the robot was a lousy shot, and all it hit was a concrete pillar down the street from where Kennedy was. The aliens returned Oswald to Earth by beaming him down into the movie theater where he was arrested, really without a clue as to what was going on. The robot was removed by the mysterious "Badge Man." There is only one man that could have put Oswald sufficiently off his guard to let the aliens kidnap him unharmed. Elvis Presley. testing benefits everyone Editor because no doctor would ever touch a human being without having first learned on self-respecti- sap who wrote the article about animal testing: First of all, let me state that I myself own a dog that I purchased at the Humane Society and he is well To the treated. Second, I have very strong feelings that animal testing is vital for medical research and the right thing to do. However, respect your right to have your views, but if you truly feel I this strongly about animals not being used for research, then I feel that you should stand by your convictions all the way! For example, you find out your child needs a kidney transplant in order to live, stand by your convictions and let your child die. Kidney transplants are possible only because of animal research. If you or one of your family needs medicine to keep them alive, or even keep them healthy: Don't take it. Medicines are proven safe for humans through animal research! If one day you are told you need a heart transplant or you will be dead within three months, let yourself die! Because without performing heart surgery on dogs and cows, heart transplants wouldn't be possible nor would surgeons ever acquire the skill to perform them! . And lastly, try to find a voodoo doctor to take you, your wife and children to for all your health needs animals. Tell me now safe you would feel with a surgeon who had not first practiced on an animal as well as a human cadaver! If you and all those other people screaming about animal research being wrong can promise the medical community that they will never partake of any services that have been made possible by animal research, then I will truly have respect for your convictions. It is my true opinion however, that if animal research were necessary to do your own living room in order to save your child (future child if you don't have any now), yourself or someone else you love, you would be donating your family pet and any other stray animal you could get your hands on if it meant the person you love would live.Last of all, the overall tone of your article insinuated that there was possible abuse of the animals at the Animal Resource Center. Are you out of your mind? I've been up there and they are as concerned with treating animals with kindness and compassion as anyone else. Get real!! Before you write an article pull your head out and get some air to your brain first Michell Vanier INSTITUTE INFO TODAY Still time to register for an institute class -bring a friend. Many classes are still open. ii11 i The Salt Lake Institute Concert Choir presents: Dance 3rd Annual Dan Quayle 1 Sat. January 8th 8:30- - 11:30 pm DON'T LEAVE YOUR REGISTRATION TO CHANCE! JANUARY 17TH IS THE LAST DAY TO: North Institute Building Cost: $3.00person Featuring the live band: "Strangely Enough" . LDSSA REGISTER for classes ADD classes to your schedule Exercise CRNC option DROP classes for 100 refund APPLICATIONS FOR ASMU President and Vice-Preside- nt Due Friday, January 1 7 at 1 2 noon ASSEMBLY APPLICATIONS Due Friday, January 24 at 12 noon ASUU Offices 234 Union Bldg. asuu ARE NOT automatically or dropped for nonattendance nonpayment of tuition. You will be and academically financially for ALL classes for responsible which you are registered AFTER JANUARY 17th. Classes |
