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Show - - " i u.C-FRiii S MUST BE I V , ' USED IN THIS ROOM v . THAJK-YOl'-, I - - i it - i -v.. H I : -'! iiiiniiin Rural Ufa lllllillllillilliilllllalllllE S8 . 'v r y " mmmn. ' ' " ' 'r"Tl" '""' "L I L - tffinii rto?im.iil.wljL. By Dr. Va! Farmer Three rules for close relationships Vernal Express Wednesday, Seot. 5. 1930 15 "1 Illlllllllllllllllillllllllllllllllllllllll 7 sr f V' -1 n?lw?nHn pmembtrAf the Western Uintah County LibrarV. shw a Photograph of a nn k Rnrtnh awRn Re,sarch Association, and local outlaw with histories collected by the Doris Burton, Regional Room director at the association. Outlaw and Lawmen Research group moves to library An "Outlaw Trail History Center," will be added to the Uintah County Library. The Western Outlaw Lawman Research Association will be affiliated with the center and are moving from the Chamber of Commerce to become a part of the Regional Room at the Uintah County Library. Regional Room Director Doris Burton said the WOLRA is an organization orga-nization interested in history, actively active-ly promoting and gathering information infor-mation on outlaws and lawmen. "The organization will put out MONTH LONG KITCHEN SALE Spend $1 ,500 on our kitchen cabinets and receive a white Kohler sink, FREE. 65 OFF Manufacturer's list price All wood construction FREE Professional Planning Just bring in your wall, window, and door dimensions to Kitchen Design Specialist Ted Bills for a free estimate. 3902 South State St. Salt Lake Gry.UT 84107 (801)268-6821 Vernal 'Ifieatcr Now Srxwinfl Open 7:30 Slorti 8 00 753 Some lines 7v shouldn't be crossed UMUNERS RATFO B Tri Cinema Theatre 7 IS 9 75 GHOST PATRICK 5WAVZE DIMI MOORE WHOOPtGOlDDtRO " patio pan Now J,virrig 7 30CHJ (V v J twtummrtw jr i J 9 no tf OL JO L 1 1 4 w J f memberships soon for those who wish to join," she said, and added there will also be a publication printed in the future for association members and for sale to the public. USU Extension history professor, John Barton of Duchesne will be the editor. Already in the library's Regional Room is a cabinet with information gathered by the association. Burton said the total WOLRA display will accompany present Regional Room displays easily, as the addition to be built on the east end of the library will almost double space inside of the library. Construction is scheduled sched-uled to begin this fall. Jensen Community Park Reunion held Over 200 people turned out Saturday, Sept. 1 for the Jensen Community Park Reunion. The festivity fes-tivity was supported by locals from the past and present, with even some tourists participating in the activities. ac-tivities. A pot luck dinner, baseball game, horseshoe toss and getting reac-quaintcd reac-quaintcd were some of the highlights. high-lights. Butch Stewart donated lamb that was served. All proceeds raised at the reunion will will go toward the Jensen Park improvements. A .22 rifle was a top prize won by Garry Redden. The Jensen Park Committee consists con-sists of Billy Ainge, Re Ann Sessions, Butch Stewart, Loyal Turner and Vclda Wilkins. Their efforts ef-forts were apparent in the success of the reunion and the support of the community. Suppose you are out to lunch with a bunch of friends. Who picks up the tab? More than likely, friends will split the bill evenly without re gard to the actual cost of each meal. Suppose you are with a group of acquaintances ac-quaintances or business associates. Now who picks up the tab? Chances are they will each pay their own share. In close, intimate relationships, one or the other will pick up the tab with no thought about who owes whom a favor or money. They don't keep track. They trust that in the long run the good they do will roughly balance out. That is how it is in marriage. The closer a couple, the less likely it is that there will be scorekeeping about who is benefiting the most from the relationship. Nobody keeps track. When a relationship goes downhill, then concerns of equality or equity come into play. Rule No. 1 rule of meeting needs: Needs are not the same. People have different needs at different dif-ferent times. There is no ledger card that can ensure fairness in a close relationship. If needs are being met, it doesn't matter who is benefiting most from the relationship. It is only when needs aren't being met that people start to keep track. Finally, if they conclude that their partners aren't going to meet their needs, they start acting in more self-interested self-interested and self-serving ways. Here are some examples of how to meet needs in close relationships. When these needs are being met, relationships re-lationships will go well. Sharing of thoughts and feelings Listening to understand Providing emotional support Giving touch and physical affection affec-tion Spending time together Encouraging growth experiences Giving compliments, admiration and appreciauon Being courteous and considerate Building up self-esteem Accepting and valuing differences differ-ences Planning surprises and thoughtful thought-ful gestures Giving undivided attention Honoring special days There is one area where equity does figure into close relationships. Responsibilities are addressed in terms of fairness, quite apart from the needs dimension. What people think is fair and appropriate is the rule, not a strict division that makes everything equal. Rules apply to the negative side of relationships as well. All partners in a relationship have their moments when they are rude, snappy, cruel or just plain wrong. The natural response re-sponse is to react with hostility or to withdraw and distance yourself from the offender. It is easy to justify justi-fy the impulse to retaliate under these circumstances. The equity rule snaps in. Tit for tat. The record needs to be set straight. To not respond is to feel humiliated and abused. Researchers have found that relationships rela-tionships tend to fall apart when people are willing engaged in negative, nega-tive, destructive criticism of their partner despite the good things that may be happening in the relationship. rela-tionship. Hostile, angry comments break down the trust and safety between be-tween them. Rule No. 2 rule of good marital manners: When your partner is out of line and being a jerk, take the unfair un-fair treatment and restrain your impulse im-pulse to retaliate. Accommodate your partner when, by all rights, you shouldn t nave to do it There is an emotional cost to absorb ab-sorb when the choice is made not to respond in kind. It is a gesture of love you are making for the sake of the relationship. Rule No. 3 - rule of keeping respect re-spect When your partner persists in treating you with disrespect, energetically ener-getically insist on having the situation situa-tion corrected. Marriage is between equals. If disrespectful behavior is allowed to pass, live on both sides will be undermined. Wait a minute! Isn't this opposite Rule No. 2? There is a delicate balance bal-ance between knowing when to challenge an unwarranted behavior and when to respond with loving restraint. re-straint. Issues of disrespect, especially espe-cially if they are becoming a patter, need to be confronted. Good communication com-munication skills and active problem-solving keep the discussion civil civ-il and defuse what could easily seem like a personal attack. Meeting needs (Rule No. 1) is a fun part of marriage. It also creates the atmosphere where marriage partners want to implement Rule No. 2 (accommodation) and prevent unnecessary hostility and criticism from detracting from the relationship. relation-ship. By being responsive to a partner's firm request for correction in the relationship re-lationship (Rule No. 3), a spouse demonstrates that he or she can change and is subject to influence. This gives the partner confidence to communicate inner feelings and increases in-creases trust that important needs can be met. There it is...as easy as 1, 2, 3. Living it is a lot harder. (Ideas presented in this column were taken from the research of psychologists Margaret Clark, Carnegie Mellon University, and Caryl Rusbult, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.) t " "' .lrli.Nli,;-m,.im.mnmlir, . MJmMMBMBm ; n-h r' n f d in II yM III f M U U tr s c m T mam i r i a - r'. 'r ?v . .m. ' .-f -ir-T-JL , r- r r. i THIS WEEK Super savings on super quality Serta bedding this week! 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