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Show Stegger's corner Verdict: guilty as charged for obscenity BY DAN STEGGELL "Hearye. Hearye. This session of the famous Salt Lake conspiracy conspir-acy trial will come to order. Judge Judas Hogman presiding." The bailiff yelled out the words loud and clear, and we all stood as his honor entered the courtroom. You see, I remember that day very well. I was the defendant. . . "The accused shall arise," Judge Hogman spoke in a quivering voice. "Not guilty," I declared. "Don't use that tone of voice to me you long-haired, unclcansed, radical Dippie. That will be one contempt demerit for you." The judge continued, "You are charged with accusing our beloved University Bookstore of robbing college hoodlums blind. This breaks law number 58-C of the new constitution. "Not guilty," I reaffirmed. "That will be one more demerit, you long-haired creep." "I object," I interjected. "Want to try for five?" Judge Judas smiled. "I want to ask for a delay on my trial," I said, " so I can get my attorney, William Canistler, to represent me." "Request denied. William Canistler is not allowed in this city for any reason because he might say something obscene." "Then I would like to speak on my behalf," I asked. "Do you have a contract?" the judge snickered. "A contract for what?" "Every Individual or group of individuals who speak or perform m front of the public must have a signed contract. That's section 49-B of the new constitution." "Well, give me a contract. I'll sign it." "Not so fast you uncleansed Dippie, just how old are you?" tne judge marked down the tenth contempt demerit on his scorecard. "I'll be 19 in June, I said. "I'm sorry, but you have to be at least 21 to sign a contract. Put him in a cell until he's 21 and knows what he's talking about," Hogman howled. In a sudden move of desperation, I jumped out of my shackles and lan to the jury box. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, don't send me to that den of damnation," I pleaded. "Arrest that radical long-hair," the judge screamed. 'What for?" I asked. "What for! You reap obscene words in a room of law and order and you ask what for!" The judge was amazed. "Give him six Months in jail and while he's in there, give him another four-and-a-"alf years for contempt of court." "I'm innocent, I tell you. I don't believe there is any such law the pw constitution. In fact, I don't believe there is such a thing s 'lie new constitution. I'm innocent, I tell you. Innocent!" The guards dragged me off to jail. |