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Show Pot and pans The tale of Druidism in Zion BY JOSEPH STIPAXOVICH Evidence has been uncovered which seems to prove that Druids flocked to North America in great liumbeis prior to the voyage of Christopher Columbus, and even before the travels of the hardy Norse under Leif Ericson. This same evidence indicates that these .same Druids have flourished and are still operating in the mainsprings main-springs of 20th century American society, after suffering through hundreds of Indian wars, colossal colos-sal stupidity, three lichen famines, 12 mistletoe blights and the growth of the great American culture. How the Druids got here and how they survived all through these man centuries would make for interesting reading, but unfortunately, un-fortunately, the details are still shrouded in mystery and remain to be ferreted out by some hardy ferrets. The fact that the Druids are with us, however, is undeniable, undeni-able, as their artifacts and architecture archi-tecture are daily visible to t h e eye. One of their most impressive impres-sive meeting areas sits at the head of an innocuous-sounding geographic location called the "Circle" at the foot of the Wasatch Wa-satch Mountains. In the construction of the "Circle" "Cir-cle" one can distinguish the characteristic char-acteristic traits of Druid meeting places as noted at Stonehenge, on the Salisbury Plain and in remote glens of the Ardennes Forest, especially es-pecially along tlie Mouse River. The telltale facing of the obscene structures towords . the . setting . sun's eastward-westward trail is there. Statuary, disguised as a contemporary educator, is fixed upon the ubiquitous North Star. There is even an empty niche built into one structure for the sacred installment ceremonies required by Druid coda for the ordination of Chief Druid. Although the area is not as impressive im-pressive as Stonhenge it is still markedly Druid. Some Druid experts, ex-perts, most notably Quixote Wilson Wil-son of Columbia University, refer to the inferiority of American Druid architecture as proof that the American Druids "were originally ori-ginally exiles from the main Druid culture because of their ingrained mediocrity and constantly reinforced rein-forced superciliousness. At present, pres-ent, the inferiority of the American Ameri-can sites can only be noted as to exist lacking concrete evidence, to prove exactly why this is so. The skeptic may, at this point, declare that the "Circle" Druid meeting site may be only the product pro-duct of a building contractor with a flair for practical jokes, but Druids, or close facsimiles, have been spotted in the area going about their onerous rites and rituals and the many strange oc-curances oc-curances in the Vicinity of t h e "Circle" can only be explained by Druid conjuring and sorcery. One of these incidents, documented document-ed by the Quixote Wilson, illustrates illus-trates the Druid influence. During the middle of the post-winter post-winter solstice convention for the western states, Quixote Wilson re ports, the chief Druid was upset by the appearance of an upstart rabblehouser in a building located lo-cated just north of the Druid's "Circle." The head Druid was nonplussed by the appearance of the youthful orator and could not understand why the local mob that had brought in such a distasteful speaker when there were so many distasteful Druid speakers about to choose from. The spokesmen for the local mob tried to ex-p'ain ex-p'ain their rationale to the head Druid, but they lacked coherence and finesse and failed completely :o make their point. At this point the head Druid dispatched the head of the Vestal Druidcssos to whip the local mob into line. Luckily for the youthful offenders in the mob, the Druids have progressed beyond what Quixote Wilson nostalgically refers re-fers to as the 'blood-and-guts' era if Druidism. All the Vestal Druid-ess Druid-ess had to do was bend, twist, mutilate and fold a few Druid-looking Druid-looking cards with holes in them to bow the mob's collective heads. A few non-penitents in the mob retaliated by stealing the Vestal Druidcss' robes, but this had the opposite effect anticipated. As can be seen from this incident inci-dent the presence of the Druids should be of more than just passing pass-ing interest especially those unfortunates residing around the Druid "Circle." But what Ss to be done cannot be said by the ferrets fer-rets in the type of Quixote Wilson. Wil-son. As he is quick to point out, his research was made possible by a Druid grant. |