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Show 'What's Unique About Fraternity?' i "' -r . x i ' X ? ' i- "A ! :" ; -fj ,,-'' ' ' iJ 1 , V 1 ft IV . f nr . 7 Editor Note: This satire resulted from Chronicle Staff Writer's Sylvia Kronstadt's assignment to interview inter-view Greek chapter presidents. By SYLVIA KRONSTADT Chronicle Staff Writer "What's unique about my group of boys?" the fraternity president asked. "Well, I suppose our most distinctive characteristic is that we have no distinctive distinc-tive characteristic. We are a genuinely amiable "potpourri "pot-pourri of personalities." Unlike the other fraternities, who are painstakingly molded right down to the last pair of "executive charcoal" Adlers, we have borrowed the American "melting pot" concept, and have emerged with the kind of brotherhood and diversified unity that makes membership in my fraternity a noble, and indeed spiritual experience." "NO IMAGE" Feeling completely refreshed and inspired, I contacted con-tacted another fraternity president on the same vital question of uniqueness. He remarked exuberantly, "Oh, we have not set image. That's the truly gitching thing about my fraternity. I mean all the others do. In one, for example, you find the heavy drinkers. They all have moustaches and wear sweater vests and wire-rimmed wire-rimmed specs and smell like peach brandy tobacco. Then you have the "returned missionary" fraternity, the one where everyone looks like a shiny combination combina-tion Ultra-Brite-Vitalis-Clearasil-Right Guard advertisement advertise-ment And of course, there's the "Elsha" crew decked out in tapered abbey flannels, and double breasted coats, and "paisley ties not to mention the "cool stud" fraternity: lustrous JFK hair, sunburned chests, tennis sweaters, and Austrian ski pins. BOOZERS But none of that rigid classification for us! I mean we've got the athletes, and the scholars, and the boozers, and the missionaries, and the pin-stripe flannel flan-nel cat, and the faded levi grub everything from a '68 Jag to a '54 Chevy. We simply have no cliques or little elite factions. To use a crumby expression, Smiling co-ed reflects Greek spirit "we're one big happy family. We're brothers to the end." "You know," a rather contemplative contempla-tive fraternity president remarked, "a thing like brotherhood just can't be expressed in words. It has to be experienced by an individual before be-fore it can be understood. And my fraternity, by refusing bravely to accept the orthodox, generally practiced selectivity of other fraternities fra-ternities on this campus, has created creat-ed the only kind of brotherhood that is wholly and completely significant sig-nificant brotherhood with many distinct and unique types of individuals. indi-viduals. One could almost compare it to a chemical reaction the diversity di-versity within my group catalyzing synthesis of the final, precious product of brotherhood. It is indeed in-deed a rigorous, exciting "experiment" "experi-ment" "UNIQUENESS" In hopes of discovering the "uniqueness quotient" of the campus' cam-pus' sororities, I interviewed several sev-eral more "Greek leaders." One sorority president exclaimed excitedly, ex-citedly, "Contrary to the policies of the other sororities, we feel that a variety of personalities, morals, and backgrounds provides a healthier, health-ier, more stimulating environment in which a young woman can develop. de-velop. Why, when I think of all the charming, yet strikingly dif- (Continued on page 7) Conformist Not Greek Fraternities (Continued from page 6) ferent girls with whom I have come into contact, I feel that I have a little piece of each one of them tucked into my heart." "Variety with amiability is our motto," another dynamic sorority leader asserted. "We are the only Panhellenic member on campus that is not type cast. I mean you have the "goodies" in 'the pastel looks of Bobbie Brooks.' They wear flowered slacks, and "April Violets" Vio-lets" dusting powder, and flavored lipstick. Then of course, you have the "liberal intellectuals" in Wee-juns Wee-juns and Tareyton-scented navy-blue navy-blue sweaters. They all like autumn canyon bike rides, and Cinnegrill pizza, and St. Christophers. "SOPHISTICATED SLYS" In still, another sorority, you'll find the "sophisticated slys," smelling smell-ing of "My Sin" and "Chanel No. 5". They all dig black crepe, false eyelashes, camp boots, and foreign movies. And of course there are those who preach "elegant simplicity" sim-plicity" unfaddy, Ivy League, and dressed eternally in starched Lady Manhattans, gray tweed, and black patent pumps. Their eyebrows never need plucking. But in my sorority," she continued, "each girl is completely and utterly herself with every ounce of individuality in her being." These interviews continued in much the same vein all were studded with the joys of privileged Christian Brotherhood, sacrifice, fulfillment, "the sun-sparkled glory of youth" and chauvinistic hymns. Each organization found its distinction distinc-tion in the fact that it had none. As a celebrated Jewish philosopher philoso-pher once screamed to an assembly of students at Brown University "So vhat's ze deal?" |