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Show Rightly Speaking Political Dictionary By Byron Cannon Anderson Many of my friends were confused by the political jargon jar-gon in the campaign last year. Politicians have their own special spe-cial language which is hard for a layman to understand at first, so I thought it would be a good idea to clear up the meaning of a few terms. Some people are confused about the meaning of elementary elemen-tary terms such as communism, socialism, and capitalism. Everyone Ev-eryone knows what a cow is, so the following explanation, though often quoted, should be quite clear: SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. COMMUNISM You' have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the milk. FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk. NAZISM You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. NEW DEALISM You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks one, and throws the milk away. CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Anderson's political dictionary diction-ary now follows: ANTI-POVERTY PROGRAM A television station in Texas, a page boy job in the Senate, or a fertilizer business. ATTORNEY GENERAL A job you give your little brother broth-er so he can get some experience experi-ence in law. AuH20 A chemical formula. Thought by some to be a solution. Others consider it a reaction. CALIFORNIA A nice place to run for the Senate. CONSERVATIVE Formerly a clean word. CONSERVATIVE WAR ON POVERTY Work. FOREIGN AID What we give to people who don't like us. GOLD RESERVE Our most important export HARVARD An institution of higher leaning. HCUA After it investigates you, no one but the State Department will hire you. MASSACHUSETTS Home of Bobby Kennedy. |