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Show SejenHeard No they don't serve drinks at banquets to make the speakers witty. It's so the others will , think the speaker's speak-er's witty. Mrs. Joluising: "Ah wants a round trip ticket to' Euphonla." Kudger Atkin at the bus depot,, de-pot,, after ten minutes' search: "Lady, I can't find tluit station. Where's Euponia?" Mrs. Johnsing, "Sittin' right over dere on dat bench, mister." Speaking of bridge, Dad Gum-mit Gum-mit observes that when the club meets it is absent members who get the most slams. FABLES Once upon a time, in a contract con-tract bridge game, a player opened open-ed with' a bid of two, and nobody no-body exclaimed, "Why, that's forcing!" First Butcher: "Come on, Ed, hurry and wrap up Mrs. Brown's ribs." Second Butcher: "Alright, Henry, Hen-ry, as soon as I have sawed off Mrs. Smith's leg and weighed Mrs. Jones liver." Definition UNDESIRABLE HOUSE GUEST: The type that writes "ha ha" after the jokes in his letters. While Mrs. Whiffletree says she never can tell what her next door neighbor will do next, 6he loses no time in telling what they did last, anyway. "This pen is leaking," exclaimed exclaim-ed the convict, as the rain trickled trick-led down through a crack in the roof. Dad Gummit advises, don't put in more garden than your wife can hoe. SPRIXG POME Now I sit me down to work. I hope to goodness I won't shirk, If I do snooze before I'm through, I hope the boss Is snoring, too. Pretty soon, too, we'll have to begin thinking of politics. But we bet there are a lot of pigs that won't be rooting for the Republicans Re-publicans this year. All plowed under. And when you get your new Spring outfit, remember that no matter how many fine clothes you wear, it's the expression on your face that is most important. Unseen by the referee, the all-in all-in wrestler bit his opponet Beverly. Bev-erly. "You're biting," hissed the sufferer. "Well," gasped his adversary, "do you expect me to swaller you in a lump?" Doctor: "How many lines can you read in that chart?" Percy Whiffletree: "What chart?" If sleeping outdoors tends to make one beautiful, as the medics tell us, It probably prob-ably explains the charming appearance of most tramps. Oscar Hassenpfeffer was so loyal loy-al to home ndustry that he would never use India ink. Definition BORE: The guy who talks bo much about himself you can't get in a word about yourself. Mr. and Mrs. Dionne are said to be anxiously awaiting release of the film, "Country Doctor," In Canada, so they can get a glimpse of their quintuplets. Losing No Time. Mr. and Mrs. Frank m announce the engagement of their daughter born Tuesday. She has A June weddng planned. Salem (Ohio) paper. Dubb Did you go to Niagra Falls on your honeymoon? Titewad We Intended to but we saved the cost of the trip. They were showing it In a news-reel news-reel the week we were married, so we went to the movies. What A Town The police had photographed the convict in six positions and sent the pictures throughout the country, asking the authorities to be on the outlook. Imagine their surprise when they received the following reply from Hicksville: "Received the pictures of criminals. crim-inals. Have captured five of 'em and am on the trail of the sixth." |