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Show Jjfwnkd about Political Conventions. HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. This month, being engaged en-gaged in the somewhat responsible respon-sible task of filling the most important im-portant office in the world, the accredited representatives of two great parties will discharge these duties by acting as though, shortly before they were born, their respective mothers had been horribly hor-ribly frightened by an intoxicated toe-dancer. At Cleveland, if the delegntes for Zookus fail to behave like howling dervishes for at least forty minutes following the mention men-tion of his last name, they're traitors trai-tors to a - sacred trust. And if the delegates for Gook-us Gook-us don't carry on longer and louder and crazier than the Zookus bunch did, they'll never 1 v I again dare lift their rvin S. Cobb shamed heads. The setup will be different at Philadelphia, the cradle of liberty, although occupied at times by some funny foundling. There, when the chosen mouthpiece offers a candidate candi-date whose second nomination has been certain ever since his first nomination, every patriot on the floor must be thrown by the astounding as-tounding shock into a happy delirium, deliri-um, lasting until his legs give out, his larynx splits and he can't think of any more hysteria symptoms. The Seattle Lochinvar LATEST news from the hospital Is that America's boy-sweetheart the young Lochinvar out of Seattle Is suffering from overwork. A large number of traffic cops around Washington are reported to be in the same fix. The barkeepers haven't sent in their casualty list . yet. One of the big circuses Is certainly certain-ly overlooking a gorgeous chance. Think of the sensation alone in a steel-barred arena Clyde Beatty with Zioncheck. Black Masked Bigots. INTO a sour soup-stock of religious and racial hatred, stir a mess of high-sounding titles, blood-curdling oaths and foolish regalias, and you've got a mixture with an Irresistible Irre-sistible appeal to parties whose average av-erage hat size is six and an eighth and whose souls are aslosh In the bilge-water of bigotry. Presently they're adding miscellaneous murder to their mummery, as ln Michigan, whose sundry gallant heroes seem about due to suffer prolonged attacks at-tacks of short-haired paleness, which is a disease brought on by wearing a close hair-cut behind some high stone walls. They say such organized intolerance-epidemics come in waves, but did you ever Dotice that we never have any of these waves when America is at war? Then nobody objects to. putting Catholics or Jews or negroes in the firing line. Nobody questions their patriotism or their fitness to defend the nation's flag, and, after awhile, peace comes, and all of a sudden a lot .of folks -discover that those of certain creeds and a certain color are unworthy to be classed as citizens. RECENTLY In outlining the political po-litical high spots scheduled for the next four weeks, the writer failed to mention the Liberty League. The Liberty League will' not hold a convention, but will have tea on the Du Pont lawn. There may be speeches and perhaps a snappy prayer by the rector of the Church of SS. Midas and Croesus, but Al Smith will positively not speak, having already learned the bitter lesson that a fellow can pick an awfully bad spot to make an awfully awful-ly good speech in. Sacrifices to Science I LOVE dogs and admire them for traits which so many human beings be-ings lack. So, because some of us joined a move to save impounded dogs from possible mutilation and torture at the hands of unauthorized agencies and guarantee for them a swift merciful death a large number num-ber of folks seem to think we're vivisectionists. For one, I'm against weird experiment exper-iment upon dumb brutes In the often of-ten abused name of science. When I read that some gifted exhibitionist exhibition-ist swapped the vital organs of a pelican and a hoond pup, so that the pelican went out in the back yard and barked himself to death ! at the moon and the pup choked try-' try-' ing to carry half a bushel of fish in his lower Jaw, I fail to see where the cause of medicine has been ad-; ad-; vanced. But since the war on dis-j dis-j ease demands the sacrifice of certain cer-tain creatures that mankind may be , benefited, I'd rather that every white rat In America should have the bubonic plague twice than that my grand-babies should have it once. IRVIN S. COBB, WNU Service. |