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Show FABLES IN SLANG GEORGE ADE BaII Syndicate By WNU Servie Who Wouldnt Be Slim and Trim taining Club Buibara Bell easy to make patterns la Send 15 cents in coin for 100 ready. , your copy. Send your older to The Sewing Circle Pattern Dept, 119 New Montgomery Ave , San Francisco, Calif. Bell Symlk ate By FLOYD GIBBONS Famou Headline Hunter. Strath-Gordo- Strath-Gordo- for a while. But here are the simple sworn to. You cant get around the thing. can't say It was a dream, because a bridge is a big, It aint, It aint tay, solid object. If Its there, its there, and If It out of place and then back again. .ou can't dream The date is August, 1909, and a! of which leads up to Docs story. somew here on the road between Seattle, Wash, and ."0 Is well Doc was practicing jush Head on the other side of Elliot bay. se In Seattle and he had received a hurry call from a patient In the Success doesn't "happen." It is organized, preempted, captured by concentrated common sense. Frances E. Willard. You jjh Patients Husband Thinks Doc Flew to Sick Room. started out In his car, and you know what those 1909 vintage atiles were Uke. To make matters worse, the dirt roads of the Parts of them were flooded, ere wet from a weeks steady rain. i patient had called him, and even though he was twenty miles it was up to Doc to get to him If he possibly could. The night was pitch dark. The roads were unlighted, and kerosene headlamps that rattled on the sides of e flickering Poes horseless carriage didn't throw any light on the road at There were two ways to get to Duwamish Head and Doc jok the shorter. It took him an hour and half to cover that enty miles, but when he got there, his patients husband said: Gooli gosh, but you made that trip fast How did you manage get here so quickly?" fell, sir, Doc thought that was funny, but he didnt say anything His patient was waiting, and he was needed in the sick room. He d over her for half an hour until she was out of danger, and then Et out to assure her husband that everything was all right ,IL s Doc Hears He Crossed Bridge That Was Out. for a few moments rest before starting on the return his patients husband brought up the subject of the quick-nt- sat down again which usd How uked. he had arrived. the dickens did you come here, anyway, Doctor? h he Did you fly?" "Why, I came by The man looked the Bay Side road, of course, said Doc. at Doc sort of curiously. "You couldnt have," e said bluntly. "The bridge is out. Jut thought he was joking, and tried to laugh It off. But the man i the bridge was being repaired that the planking was all off and The Car Crossed Like an Acrobat on a Tight Rope. impassable. He told Doc that le e upper road, a tripi. 3 e began id the only available route to his house to urge Doc to stay all night, and at last Doc saw he was occurred to Doc that the man must have gone Insane, or by his wifes Illness. Then it unnerved pru rprpi Daylight Reveals That Bridge eG Wasnt There, I decided to stay with him, partly to humor an over-maand partly because I didnt think it safe to leave his sick one with one In such condition. I spent the night at his house, and morning he brought the subject up again at breakfast He said: Ui let's both go down and look at that bridge before you go back ah Doc: ivs I: thi STATES Umted 1790 COMPANY RUBBER Statu Rubber Products, be. BrNdmay, Mm Tort, & f Roea (79 PE"Ko Edge JAR RUBBERS THE MEWHiUSE IHOTEIL There was something In that fellows manner that reminded of a sane man humoring a sick one. It occurred to him then 'aUhis bird he was the crazy one. But he agreed to go thought wn and look over the bridge, which was only a mile away from house. They got Into Doc's car and drove the short distance the road. They got In sight of the bridge, and then even horror, says Due, "when I saw that that he had told me was true I There was daj light I left of the bridge but the gaunt string pieces two of them 5Sfrom one side of the river to the other. Had Piloted Car Over Fingers of Death. e the rails the superstructure, all had been taken planking And yet, I bad come across that bridge in the darkness of the knew that I wasnt crazy. . And yet, for a moment, I began to that I was losing my mind. string pieces were the answer. They were less than a wde, each, but they were separated by the same width as heel of . my automobile. I had driven across them in the irk. like an acrobat on a tight wire. My heart came Into my Men I thought of what might have happened. . the local people knew that the bridge was Impassable, so no sign had been posted. I, not knowing this, and having crossed It times before, drove over It automatically. The only way I can u the miracle Is that, having a surgeons hand, I drove with the 'eadlness with which I performed operations. Had I deviated an rra the straight path over that bridge, I would have fallen Into deep I might not have attended my patient kmgine my la broad surprise All U DK WNO Servic.. the animal, they would be able to Carries Water obtain enough water to carry them Travel Over Dry Land over a period of two or three days. Wse tortoise I0 turtle. tbnd h5 Is applied to Sometimes called of California for hibernating during the a,on there Is . still another e , might be given, "The of the desert. Locat-eklrd shell Is a mein-- J n they store a o water to carry on their ar from strenms and pomK a "it life growing on the 14 they obtain more than for their dally mil 8 re aide to stoie up a y large, that if a person o from thhst could locate V i , "ture Possessing no teeth, states a writer in the Los Angeles Times, their Jaws are hard and sharp on the edge, forming a benk. This Is the means they use to grind their food small enough to swallow. The large shell protects them from any attacking enemy. They are In reality their own foe. The males when lighting strive to overturn the opponent When this occurs, they have no means to right themselves and are left to die by the victor. Land turtles are sun creatures and when night comes or the day Is dark and gloomy they seldom put in appearance. mm His Subject Was Certain Phases of Feminism. TETLEYS TREATISE be said In her Favor was that she was a Good Listener. She encouraged the cultured young Aristocrat from Sycamore to go ahead and blat about Himself for Hours at a Time. She asked him where he had his Hair Cut, and if that was a Real Pearl In his Stick Pin, and did they have Movies In Sycamore and had he ever thought of going on the Stage and If so, why? It didnt take Herm long to size her up as Cute but Shallow Beautiful but Dumb. He never read any of the Letters she wrote back to Madge and Ethel and Lora, telling about the Goofie she had been stinging. It Is very difficult for an Intellectual Giant to realize that he Is being joshed by some Baby-Fac- e whose Brain seems ON WOMAN of you who were so as to attend the Exercises in connection with the Graduating of the Class of '22 from Bingham College, no doubt will recall the masterly Oration delivered by Herman Tetley. It was the only Speech made by any Graduate and Herm was selected for this Signal Honor because he resembled William Jennings Bryan when the Latter was the Boy Orator of the Platte, Instead of the Fully Matured Real Estate Booster of Florida. Herm had a flashing eye, an aquiline Beak and his Hair met the Collar. You to be absolutely at Rest could tell, by looking at this Laddy-BucIn every Large City on the Other Incarnated been that he had Side the educated Greenle went Into for the Special Purpose of making Shops and permitted hypnotic Sales-Girl- s Speeches. to load him up with Junk he It was a very hot Day and a great didnt need and didnt want And many sons of Old Bingham, wearit seemed to him, all of the yet, and ing Facial Decorations of Ivy time, that they were a lot of deferAlfalfa, had come from as far away ring Menials who simply wanted to 111., and Rock Chillicothe, as Island, learn his Royal Pleasure. Ohio. In spite of the tropical HuBECOMING A TRAINED SEAL midity, the Orator of the Day was He came back Home with a which fully clad In the Habiliments must be adopted by any one who busted Letter of Credit but the Complex of Superiority was working hopes to put over an Oration. overtime. He still suspected that lie wore a Suit of Winter Clothes and had the Creator had put aside all other a little white nickey Inside the Engagements and devoted a Week Weskit, than which nothing could to working out the Plans and Specibe more Marmalade. Also he was fications for Herman Wyekoff Tetshod with Patent Leathers of daz- ley, Bingham, 22. It was about Christmas Time, zling Radiance. 1923, that the handsome Young GenNo doubt the Reader wTll be Interested to learn what Herman Tetley tleman with the best. Speaking Voice talked about. Well, he talked about ever heard at his Alma Mater, first 25 minutes and his Subject was met the Grass Widow known as Geraldine. When Herman got a Flash "Certain Phases of Feminism. at the vivacious Shoulder-Blade- s BOSS WAS HE THOUGHT and the carefully-blendeComplexNot only did he sum up, briefly, ion and the Third Act Costume, he the whole Significance of Womans should have crossed his Fingers and recent Itch to hold Office, Invade the run Two Miles In the Opposite DiProfessions and put Man back Into rection, hut he was rather Intrigued, but he went ahead if the Reader will permit us to get the Nine-Holand proved that it was all contrary away with that Word. He felt that to the Basie Laws of Nature. When Geraldine might prove to be an Inhe allowed that there were certain teresting Study. She turned out to fundamental and biological Differbe Nothing Else But ences between He and She, which Never having attended Bingham would forever disqualify the Gentler College she had to rely on some Sex from tackling any rugged Task, Practical Knowledge she had picked he thought he had stumbled upon up on the Side. She sized up the a new and glittering Truth. He cocky Valedictorian and spearpd even went so far as to advance the him as If he had been a Fish. She novel Theory that Womans True took the proud Patrician and made Sphere Is within the Home. him a Trained SeaL Not long after Commencement Long after, when the Lawyer Day we find Herman back In Sycashowed him the Letters which had more, where his Dad owned the been purchased for $10,000 and principal Bank. For a great many asked him where he got such words and years the Male Parent of the Class as "Babyola, "Snoopklns, Orator had been engaged In helping "Honey-Bunche said he sent her Farmers who were up against It and the notes to keep her from dying sometimes he collected no more of a Broken Heart or committing than the Legal Rate of Interest. Suicide, as per threat Tetley, Sr., had quite a sense of It required the Services of all the Humor, for he often said that the Attorneys In Sycamore Lord had prospered him. the Breach of Promise to nerman had read In a Folder that SuIL The Fact that the expensive Travel has a Broadening Influence, Detectives from the City dug up on so he talked the Gnvner Into let- Geraldine almost enough to send her ting him go to Europe before he to the Chair, did not alter the Fact settled down and used his Algebra that an old respected Family, auch In running the Bank. as the Tetleys, dating away back Herman started for the Old to the Time of the World, accompanied by the vast War, could not afford to be InStore of Knowledge which he had volved in an unsavory Scandal acquired at Bingham. The local Bank received a Crimp BABY-FACKIDS HIM ALONG from which It will not recover for Geraldine started for On the Train he met an Actress many a Moon. to work at her Trade. Atlantic City who had washed up and walked out, under Cover for Herman kept because the flat, Hollywood leaving of Most the time he was In Weeks. had She Genteel. not Directors were over and over his Room, reading, lost her Purse and borrowed $10 his Masterpiece entitled, He her again, Orator. Class gave the from Phases of Feminism. Ills New York Address but up to "Certain came to that Tart about the time of his Sailing the Letter When he Woman being the Weaker Vessel had not arrived. condemned by the Immutable and On the Liner It happened that his of Creation to remain such, Laws which on one Dock Chair adjoined tear out another Handful would he reclined a Young Thing with Roly. and carefully deposit It on Hair of of and supernatural Lips Poly eyes Redness. He classified her at once, the Table. MORAL: An Oration will do no bringing to hear all of the Psychol- ILiifm unless prepared and Senhis mastered during ogy he had to ior Year. About the only Thing THOSE k long-taile- emh UNITED Head. 3e Ee Is il- lusion that Its enemies exist across some geographical boundary. We do not slay our enemies when we slay our brothers; we merely multiply them. Hate, fear, 111 will, greed, ig norance, pride, racial and nationalistic bigotry these are the real enemies of my country, and your country, and every country. Dr, Harold Phillips. lk of U Ser Ice, world EVERY nation of the terrific under the at lis one boys an(J gids. from Dr. rllU give a n of East Orange, N. J. If you Alexander E. read this yarn he is going to tell you, in a novel, you yt believe it could happen. If your own brother told it to he was just plain goofy. youd tell him n Doc thought he was cracked himself when And the people he told his siind out what had happened. thought he was crazy, too checked and attested and W N Real Enemies The Bridge That Wasn't There ,U MAKE HOME CANNING R'GHT ARE U S ROYAL PE K0 tUoE JAR RUBBERS. NOTHING ELSE PE: IT CERCAN SEAL FLAVOR TAINLY IS IN SO TIGHT WORTH DO ...AND THEIR ING HOME TWO BIG LIPS CANNING MArE IT CHILD'S RIGHT. PLAY TO MAKE OR BREAK THE SEAL in This Stunning Summer Frock? Adventurers to 10: AND THE THINGS THAT A Who isnt excited about the new wider shoulder width that tends to slenderize the waistline? Note the unusual bodice lines, the panel extending to the hem, and kick pleats that contribute dash and ease. The natty collar is just right to take a pin, clip or posy. The frock Is quickly fashioned and costs so little Distinctive Residence j Mrs. J. H Waters, An Abode.., renowned President West Throughout the Yt Salt Lakes Most Hospitable HOTEL Invites You to make. Baiba ra Bell Pattern No. 1S89 B la available In sizes 11, 10, 18, 20; 40 and 42. Corresponding bust measurements 32, 34, 30, 38, 40 and 42. Size ma13 requires 4'!g yards of terial. Send fifteen cents in coin for the pattern. The Summer Pattern Book con h ra STOP THAT MUSIC! JEANNE, MR. BANG?, THE BIG PRODUCER, if he Firryou OH here, 19 -- YOU may . i TELL 'EM ruined the WHOLE SCENE I'M THROUGH WITH YOU S BROADWAY YEA- H- j NIT-WI- You've LIKE? THE DREES REHEARSAL, HE pall-bear-l- m&$ C ( YOU COULD PUT ON A BETTER S A SHOW WITH DUMMIES FROM A STORE Qurr d high-price- WERE SPLENDID UNTIL YOU BLEW UP YOU I COULD USE IN MY SHOW O T9 YOUD IZ c IRRITAELETOO, IF YOU HAD MV Id 90UNV9 COFFEE-NERV- LIKE S. E? WHEN ANY OF MY TROUPE FEEL THAT WAY X MAKE 'EM HEADACHE 9 AND lunir-.rc-nn-v J K NONSENSE STILL -- IF YOU SAY IT MIGHT COULD HELP- -1 CAN'T TRY IT,. I YOU WEREN'T SO MERVOU5 IF "CURSES i PoStuM MEANS THE d side-trac- k Spanish-Amerl-ca- E Yyoung lady. You s sLwHV SHOULDN'T I be I'VE FELT TOO WoUDERFULTO BE GLAD TO HAVE YOU IN MV SHOW. n JEANNE. You're DOING FINE AND YOU'RE THE BEST NATURED m MEMBER OF THE CAST ' E natured ? Good GROUCHY-SIN- I " Tp GE SWITCHED PoSTUAl c Of COURSE, children should never drink coffee. 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