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Show u GO AHMED NOW. A West Tcmplo establishment since tho recent anti-Mormon mud-sllnglng campaign Is reported to havo laid In a stock of firearms nnd ammunition. Thoro is no reason nsslgncd for tills strango move. It Is believed, how-over, how-over, that tho head of this concern, who also packs a gun, Is prcpnrlng to put down any rovolt among Its employes em-ployes with a stern hand, or possibly tho establishment of nn nrscnal is tho forerunner of sonio sonsatlonal dispatches dis-patches In eastern papers under a Salt Lake date lino. (With apologies to tho alleged humorist hu-morist on tho Dcsorct News.) Tho bottlo-scarrod veteran sat in tho Innermost bomb-proof chamber of tho citadel. Slnco tho defeat of tho Mor-rycat Mor-rycat division on November 8 ho had boon subsisting on frlcaseod hierarchy, and oven that lndlgostlblo diet had not wrecked his cast iron constitution. Whllo dead soldiers wero strown around In fantastic attitudes at his feet, General Howitzer still survived. True, his curls wore somowhat grayer and tho puffs beneath his oyes betoken sleepless nights; but ho was tho samo old Howitzer tho biggest gun of them all vlndlctivo, tricky and over ready to flro on tho n , Cross flag. Outside tho jor paced the faithful sentry, who never deserted him In his wildest days. Suddenly tho brooding silence was broken by tho sharp challongo: "Ad-vanco "Ad-vanco friend; glvo tho countersign." "To Tophot with tho Mormons," III camo tho hoarso rcsponso. Tho doer tfl swung back and Lieutenant-Colonel HI O'Grouch, K. C. T. S. (knight com- HI mandor tub of suds), strodo Into tho HI room without deigning to ncknowl- III cilgo tho sorvilo saluto of tho sentry. mI At his heels clattered Brlgadlor-Qon- fill oral Zaugwlll Joey, formerly of tho In I 'Stconlh Jorusalcm HoozoIIors, whllo mil Major Flipper II. Insertion tripper in III daintily in all tho regal glory of glad fi rnlmcnt nnd gold lace. WbM Tho Hlg Four went Into star cham- Hi her session to plan tho last desporato Hf sortlo cro capitulating. Hi Gciiornl Howitzer motioned thorn to JmM lio scaled, and then pressed a button. HI In rcsponso tho ordnnnco olllcor np- HI "How is tho ammunition?" sharply !l queried ills commanding olllcor. Kill "All that Is loft in tho magazlno," mUtl camo tho curt rcsponso, "Is 5,000 m rounds of 'hierarchy' 13-Inch shells, 10,- fill 000 rounds of rnpld-Hro 'serfs,' two Mil cases of 'Mormon peon' pom-poms and jfJI 1,000,000 small-arm dum-dum cart- HI ridges comprising assorted 45-cnlIbor fHI 'Logan lies,' Mack Mormons,' 'npostato mm Gontllos,' 'rum guzzlers,' 'John D. Leo' fill fnkes,' 'Smoot a polygamlst' slugs, 'am- U nesty' misrepresentations and 'church "fill corporations' hot air. All tho ammu- jffll nltlon Is dccldodly muddy and slimy. il Thoro Is enough to last a few days ill longer with caro.' fit I "Vat vo vant Is help, aindt it," u snapped irigadlcr-Gonoral Jooy. "Got jj$l omit Fllppor, mako a sortlo, nudt join llll your forces vld do Shcntllo relief ar- ill "It is no uso," slghod Major Inser- Mm tlon, "I have tried it and they all laugli II at me. Thoy say that they camo to mm Utah to mako a living among Amorl- x&l cans, not to fight." Ill "Americans thoy aro not jVmoii- ill cans!" road O'Grouch, the commander l of Graphllo point, as ho kicked a dead pi soldier under tho table. "Chargo 'cm, Ul hlc with shot and 'hell!" ho shouted, ft I as ho rolled tho big cannon into ac- ill tlon on old Graphite. Ml "Americans!" fairly shrieked Gen- 111 oral Howitzer. "Well, whoro's tho pew 101 ront? Why don't tholr bishops get off jjUl tho map and dress up in coal scuttlo Wm hats and flowing robos like tho priests Ml thoy ought to bo? What right nave ill thoy to homy hands liko tho sons of HI toll thoy nro. And whoro's thoro an- ill other Amorican choir that's willing to ll work for nothing nnd pay its own nl board llko tho Tabcrnaclo singers? II What business has a United States Ol senator saying his prayers on Sunday HI and then bo doing business at tho old ( stand on werk days? It's infamous," 91 ho concluded, with a gulp, as ho ranged HI tho big gun far across tho valley where Ml a Mormon bishop was teaching some II nowcomors how to till tho soil. "To II bo frank with you," ho hissed then ho III landed a hot shot In tho carp pond of ill his forefathers and blow tho roof off ill tho old homestead "I am In this bust- Bj nesfl for tho pelf. I'm a Hessian, I am. II II can hold, on to this as long as anybody." any-body." "Yes; I know how you holdt on to dings. You holt on to some tlmonds till do chief of police holdt you." "Tut, tut, Jooy, don't mention a llttlo thing like that because " At this juncture thoro was a tremendous tre-mendous crash In the business office trenches that brought all to their feet. Brigadier-General Jooy would havo reached tho door first but his logs got tangled up In his sword of justice and his nose ripped tho carpet like a cut on a billiard cloth after a bum masso shot. Major Flipper and Lieutenant-Colonel Lieutenant-Colonel O'Qrouch carromcd and then got pocketed In tho doorway. Jooy was up In a minuto, and, hurdling tho struggling forms, raced to tho scene. ' As ho gazed on tho havoc that met his eyes tho tears' streamed down his cheeks. A cordlto shell In tho form of a cancolod advertising contract for four figures fired by a Main street merchant mer-chant had done fearful execution, whllo a perfect hall of "stop-my-paper-boost-don't-knocks" raked tho circulating circula-ting ramparts until not a man surviving surviv-ing dared show his head. Up tho steps swarmed tho Invading army, yelling, "Banzai, banzai," and lighting Hko fiends to bo tho first inside to get their .paper stopped. Just when tho attack had boon partly part-ly repulsed with a broadsido from masked batteries of hot air promises, a staff officer reported breathlessly that thoro was treason In tho ranks of tho dofendors in tho editorial and re-portorlal re-portorlal forts that tho managing editor, ed-itor, city editor and a couple or reporters report-ers had laid down their arms, declining declin-ing to light under tho "Purity-of-the-Amorlcan-Homo" bannor and wero going go-ing to San Francisco and other old places In preferenco to having their good stories killed or olso put on an Insldo pago to mako room for a lot of slop on tho Smoot caso from that staunch purist at Washington. Calamity followed horror. Tho colonel colo-nel of tho signal corps stationed on tho roof roported to headquarters that ho had just received a wig-wag from Dr. Wishbone, in command of the W. C. T. U. relief corps to tho effect that no ducats would bo forthcoming, but tho garrison had tho faith and prayers pray-ers of tho gallant band that was do-lrfg do-lrfg noblo work for tho causo In tho "Vat shall vo do? Yat Iss to po "Yes; don't stand thoro peddling liquid li-quid air, Howitzer; got busy; run up tho whito flag boforo wo are all massacred," mas-sacred," whined O'Grouch. "Never," camo tho bravo rosponso; "this Is my last chanco to mako good. Run up tho 'Purlty-of-tho-Amerlcan-Homo bannor to tho masthead. Nail it there, and let's dlo with our boots "I am so young to dlo," wallod Major J. Flipper Insertion, making for tho telephone, whllo O'Grouch crawled Into In-to tho coal collar In a maudlin condl-"Hold condl-"Hold out anothor week until Charles Musty Owing arrives from Washington with more ammunition," implored tho gallant dofondor of tho domestic heartstono. But Insertion had already taken down tho receiver. "Give mo Fort Douglas, quick," ho P Over tho wiro camo tho sweet, girlish girl-ish voice: "Lino's busy bu-z-z-z-z." |