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I BROADCAST FROM A TIt t I w U N RATHER awkward looking individual went into an ice cream parlor the other day and bought an ice cream cone He went out on the tho sidewalk to eat it Presently he reappeared with the cone emptied of the cream and din it to the astonished clerk said Thank for the vase Axioms of an Aviator keth the wise in their own I A Vicious Fish vey ve y town no matter how sma small l in the old ad its official drunkard and ours was no nop P P. ion l n to the rule King Burley wore the theland then n land and was at once a ac ac c of great amusement t e horrible example n night he started for ome tome in the creek bottom r 1 spent a relaxed m in the village Just beh ben be- be n h eft eft he bought a dried J S 5 such as grocers used ispay s ay suspended by the front of their stores i g made heavy weather t I trend and acid the roO roasters were he crossed the bridge near his hise is ise ing when Ing e the he roadway was only about half wide Ign for Kings King's gait and he plumped into the ther brought a n half-dressed half H r His cries ies for help ter with a lantern gust al t deep in the water sat eat King clutching of grim o fish by the tail and an expression was on his face It t th th Sam Hill be you doin in the creek creek il d he farmer look over Kings King's face It was t. t grieved came obvious to him See this here fish he asked ro roSee Ive I ve fit him way iy down the creek an n when I got almost e ned if he didn't flop me in Reverse English 1 ets et's t's ts gag Stella I 1 cable able ble conveys the communication that by f th s year the former Clown Prince rince will n arned to Germany to become become a simple per ner er Simple is right I II Ii i No Samples I use no trunks the salesman said Oh I thought you one of these traveling salesmen said the porter t I am but I would like you to know that I Isell Isell sell br brains ins 1 Well you are the fust fella I seen this season who aint no samples Leakage Gu Guest st to Hotel Clerk Have Clerk Have you a room with running water I Clerk Clerk We We did have but we repaired the roof last fall Why the should become alarmed over the increase of throwing dice-throwing we are unable unable- to fathom Playing for marks isn't gambling I Musings l of a l Misanthrope Life LiCe may be worth living but its it's not worth much more Statistician estimates that there is one a automobile automobile auto auto- to- to mobile to every eight persons persON persons in the United States Imagine if you can parking c eight ht passengers in a flivver Sandy Was in No Hurry Maggie's sweetheart a proverbial tight-fisted tight Scot had taken her out for the afternoon and that was about all They rode some distance distan e on th the trolley turned around and rode home ag again in Never was mention made of food or entertain entertain- ment Back within her own gateway Maggie whO wha I had keenly felt the neglect sarcastically proffered Sandy a dim dime For the carfare you spent on me she said Hoots toots woman returned Sandy pocketing pocketing pocket pocket- ing the coin thare was nae h hurry rry Saturday wad hae hac been time enough I 1 I II I Fair Warning WHEN HEN young and nd a child I 1 And the neighbors all know it I struggled to live As a lyrical poet Id I'd the lyrical urge s And the lyrical cry With the gusto of health Not an evening went by But forced to my bed With divine protestation I rehearsed the technique n Of my future vocation Not a trouble arose In the course of the day But ButI I brought my clear gifts l lInto Into eloquent play With a lusty desire And the neighbors all know it To inflame mind and heart As a lyrical poet J Now Im I'm grown to a man And a lyrical poet As critics declare J J JI I I And the neighbors all know it 4 With the lyrical urge And the lyrical cry But I find ind it a craft t Wherein no honors lie My fences are down And my clothes are decrepit And although with nymphs I can merrily step it I find that to dance With the High Cost of Living Takes lessons no Muse Has the power of giving Dear children yearn yearn not ot For the life of a poet J r Im I'm one and I know And the neighbors all know it G. G B. B S. S CO Copyright IOU 1913 by M Public Ledger Ld r Company ot i Dippy Dialogues Optimus OptimuS-If OptimuS If Helen marries that l profligate she must want a husband bad s 's Cynicus Granting Cynicus-Granting Granting the grammar that's exactly exactly ex ex exactly the kind she's getting l 1 No So Bad Bellhop after guest has rung for ten minutes minutes min min- utes Did utes-Did Did Did you ring sir Guest Hell Guest Hell no I was tolling I I. thought ho you were dead I Appropriate Ailments Wrestlers with the grip F F Fortune t tellers all agree in saying that I am to be married next year coyly confides the the un ian common or Mary Garden Well observes the Merry Misogamist it if H they're right they b belie their names they're th e misfortune mis mis' misfortune fortune tellers I The only thing I dis dislike ike about getting married married mar mar- ried Tied is that I shall have haye to walk down the aisle of the church continues Miss Garden We harbored the hallucination that the fl Ill was one of Marys Mary's favorite paths to publicity Man Man Man-IS- Is New York th the tho next stop Porter Yes Porter Yes sah bru brush h you off lah Man Man No No Ill I'll get off myself Growing popularity of the game of craps is said to be be bea a source of agitation in Ber Berlin rt And still the mark continues to lade fade An Observing Boy BoyA A newsboy took a handful of peat peanuts peanut uta from a stand peanut-stand and was arrested for it v un 8 Q w Q i J JW W Well ll what are you here for the magistrate i demanded I dont don't know your honor the culprit replie t I unless it its it's impersonating an officer E E. K S S. i r I T DEPENDS entirely on ones Q o IT viewpoint whether the following fol Col t lowing sign on display in a oJ 7 restaurant in a small Illinois town was meant as a warn warn warning p. p ing or an invitation If You Eat Eal Here You Will Never Eat Ea Any Place Else Show me a woman woman who goes in for golf and and Ill I'll show you one who is getting so that she wheezes when she dances c concludes the diva Mayhap But most of the dumb dolls who devote devote devote de de- vote their days to dancing dancing dancing-by by night night night-haven't haven't sufficient sense of humor to whittle a. a wheeze l Minister Do Minister Do you rou take this woman for better or for worse Nervous l J dis am ammah am mah fust wife Ah don know how tv t t t take ke h her r. r s S Society in Ourtown By Powers Gouraud Lots of people gave dinners last night before the Fish Ball One of the smartest was at the Automat where the Nickels entertained Lots Lot of the younger set were there and every slot was taken Of bf f course there is no music but c a the clatter of dishes makes it all seem so intimate and homelike I caught sight of M Myrtle rUe Doolittle and Doolittle-and and my dears she has been reducing C- C and looked positively stunning stunning stun stun- ning Her husband you know has an immense hotdog hotdog hot hotdog dog ranch in Arizona where they spent last winter i I Recognized Herself I I am trying to find a woman whose whoM name 1 J have forgotten said the stranger at the door 1 but I know she lives in this neighborhood She She- is a wom woman n easily described and perhaps you know now her her her-a a singularly beautiful creature with with pink ink and white complexion lovely eyes eye and hair such mch as a goddess might en envy Really sir I dont don't know replied tb the servant ervant Jane tell the gentleman Ill I'll bo be down in in a moment said a voice from the head of the stairs |