Show L SHOULD BE PUT BAGGAGE Americans Going to Soviet Russia Warned to Prepare for or Ons Onslaught aught of C Cooties ot es I Need Much Optimism v l Nov 5 Americans who contemplate a a trip to soviet Russia I t would do well to equip themselves with abundance an of insect powder patience nce t warm clothing money and cai heat They will need the Insect powder long before they get to Russia Bedbugs and I cooties have bave taken a 81 great liking to the railway cars and hotels ti In Poland Lithuania Lithuania Lith Lith- Latvia and They also enjoy life on the Baltic shins I Consequently It It Is difficult to reach I Riga or Reval the two gateways I Ito to soviet soviet Russia without encountering i the cordon Filtering into Russia Is a slow proc- proc eEs s. s and Imp im- im It Is no Job for nervous p folks Those who go to Reval to to- get permission from the authorities usually wish they had gone gonet t to Riga Accommodating Danes have Established st gt an air airline line between the two for uneasy folk who desire to ease down their n nerves by fl flying back and I forth and rapping at both entries It takes two hours to to make the flight w While lle the railway trip consumes twenty- twenty four four hours And so so far vermin have ha not shown any liking for this air all route The legations at Reval and andRiga andRiga Riga present prospective visitors to Moscow Moscow Moscow Mos Mos- cow with a formidable questionnaire In Russian Including such queries as kind of Immovable property do you o lown own If Jt any Describe It What are your jour our political views Are you ou a member of a party in any country bid Did you participate in the great war war What is your our religion KEPT HIM GUESSING I These questions are all pretty difficult torn the ordinary bourgeois American who Is a good bit of a political i i and hasn't much religion but Is anxious to say the thing which will facilitate his entry and not stretch the truth too vio- vio hears on all sides that the vIsta have been deceived so often by pretended liberals that even a Socialist 0 of otte tile the parlor variety Is apt to be scrutinized I more carefully than an applicant i iwho who gg doesn't assume t to be sympathetic with bolshevist 18 ideals In sheer desperation desperation despera despera- e tion Republican is written down In the hope that Moscow will offset Mr HardIng's HardIngs Hardi Hard- Hard i lags Ing's position on Russian SIF recognition Or bv by bythe the fact that Senator n France Is enrolled lI with Karl Marx among the immortals and Secretary c e of f Commerce r Hoover er Is fene feeding h a million iO If Russian S I children hll Then one hastily inscribes himself as asa asa a a- a Methodist or a Presbyterian or an Episcopalian It is difficult to fib about ones one's church affiliations even to facilitate facilitate tate entry into a a. land controlled by a a. government which scoffs at religion There Is a a. great temptation to enroll as a draft t evader e T That ought t to be a guarantee a r of raS raSe speedy dY dYT entry Into t a land n which doesn't believe In Jn any wars except except except ex ex- ex- ex those It makes Itself But the new Russian secret service is more omnis- omnis cleat than that of ot the late czar so BO one I admits the truth and prayerfully hands fir nr his paper with the hope that the MoscOw Mos Mos- cOw OW examining committee wont won't flunk him ENDURANCE TES TEST Here the endurance test be begins It may last six da days s It may last six weeks or even or-even even six months There are not nut many places on the Moscow train There are few rooms for tor strangers Jn Moscow and andI I Petrograd Consequently the he soviet government government gov gov- weighs applications cn and ancl acts acs slowly If It you are able to offer offer offer of of- fer millions to develop Russia you jou ou may get quick action If It you are patient enough the reply from Moscow may majr arrive before you leave Berlin or London In desperation If It It is affirmative peace must be made mace with the American consul by turning over to him your jour cherished passport and getting a paper In exchange which Induces in induces induces In- In duces the Latvian government to permit you jou to leave Latvia and return The vise of the bolshevist legation comes next and a railway ticket Is provided provided pro pro- vided by the officials who must be paid In En English lIsh pounds or American dollars There Is no longer longeran an any scoffing at the engravings of George Washington Ulysses S. S Grant Abraham Lincoln or George VIt V. V It If you ou happen to strike a lucky night you will be given a b berth i In a Fn French international r 0 1 Sleeping ie Ig car If f it t is an anoff anoff off night you jou ou will probably get a ette In a Russian car But It really doesn't make malte much difference They I both require the same amount of Insect I powder i YOUR COMPANY I Your English speaking companions companions' on the train will probably be an English English English En En- glish at least one labor member of or the English parliament who w-ho cannot annot talk without cursing Lloyd George a Greenwich village who is sure the United States will never amount to anything until Jane Addams Is elected president and several several several-pur- pur looking young Americans well fed and happy headed for Cor the Volga famine area In the hope of ot making life lite easier for cold and hungry children There will also probably be several vague ague Americans and Englishmen possibly possibly pos poe sibly some Germans and Swe Swedes es who let It be known discreetly that they represent the largest combinations of capital the world has ever known and andare andare andare are on their way to offer otter assistance to the sovie government Eating stations are few and of Uncertain uncertain uncertain un un- certain character Consequently all travelers carry tea kettles which they fill till at the hot water tanks afforded by all larger Latvian and Russian sta eta lions Hard alcohol Is produced pro to heat tinned soup and bully beef and travelers have a taste of the cooking and dish washing which is the lot of ot all foreigners and Russians alike In hotel hotel- less and Moscow and Petro Petro- hotel I grad |