Show Letters rs From a Home Horne M Made Mac ad e Father to His Son Soi B By ED STREETER I L MR ON THE CAUSE OF WAR 1 STREETER By ED Well Vell sir said Mr pushing pushing pushing push push- ing the ink bottle aside to make room for his feet this is th week we start our swords into plowshares I dont don't Jes get yer yen point said Mr Frisbee In fact tact I 1 dont don't know what yer yen about Dont y never read ex- ex One Is fer for th thO purpose o 0 what th speaker is sayIn sayIn sayin say- say in an the other is fer Len th purpose o 0 out what it means when its it's translated Outside o of this handful o omen omen omen men there aint nobody t t be bo allowed In th room th fellers what's goin gum t writ boo books s ater th thO conference t f. f t I N 4 3 t II I- I I 1 r I I Behind each stands twenty advisers whose duty it It t let him know what its it's all about in case h he should wake up suddenly I claimed Mr impatiently th peace conference conference Im I'm to Like as not y never heard tell teIl of it Its It's a in Washinton of all th friendly powers t see how they can reduce the expenses o 0 blowin each other up It costs so much to explode a man nowadays that its it's took all th pleasure out o 0 th thing Now this here conference is a small an exclusive affair None 6 O yer free tree fer Zen alls like th league o 0 nations where ere everybody with a a. chip on his shoulder Is welcome This is a cozy sort o 0 party with only seven o 0 th nicest nations nations nations na na- na- na asked Th Tb sit In a small room bun th Grand Central C station only bigger Behind each stands twenty advisers whose duty It is t let him know what its it's all about In Incase Incase incase case he should wake up suddenly An behind each adviser Is a couple 0 o secretaries secretaries secretaries sec sec- armed arm t f th teeth with die dic- I is over tellin what a fizzle it was Sounds reasonable said Mr Fris- Fris bee What gets me m-e. though is what th rumpus is all about Who wants t f fight I 1 dont THE EXPLANATION The trouble with YO you Frisbee is that amo among g other things y dont don't understand understand understand un un- un- un 0 O course nobody wants t f fight That aint th tho point Its It's a question o 0 diplomacy Ill I'll try tryan tryan tryan an explain it to y as childishly as I can Now spose fr tr sake that me an you ou was Frisbee what d' d y spose wed we'd do declared Mr Frisbee em em- If It I were a I might be persuaded t take a nap Inthe in inthe inthe the but outside o 0 that I certainly wouldn't do In a way yer right Frisbee An dont don't do but he hires ministers t t work fer him outside o o 0 church hours an whatever they do he gets th blame fer Fer Instance if you was an history might say of ot y I Tho The Frisbee th First while not much t look at was a bear bearOR on OR through reforms He re revised revised re- re th thO constitution ten times an finally threw it way entirely He practIcally practically practically abolished taxation by exempt exempt- in all his friends Th great sewer system which he ho built under th city an which is as th thO way still sUlI attracts th immediate immediato at attention attention attention at- at o 0 everybody what domes Comes omes t t town He abolished th thO currency an an started In t make his own His dissertations dissertations dissertations dis dis- dis- dis on Good Breedin Among Hogs is still considered standards standards' what history said about y Frisbee but you jou would wouldn't t ta a any more about What you you'd d done than th thO school kids leids what's cussIn cussin cussin cuss- cuss in y behind their books fer makin em learn so much yer in Ife life all done fer y by th thO ministers So when I say you was a I dont don't mean that you'd do any thin Im I'm to th things what ud be done fer for y Now one 0 o th thO fust things these here hero ministers ud probably do is t go down to th thO South seas somewhere an lift a couple o 0 Islands offen th in th Ui name o 0 God an yer Royal Roval Harness I a as a friendly hear about it I get mad I look em up on th thO map an cant can't find em I get madder I 1 send a a. man down an he reports that they're both there White with rage I write y a letter y o o 0 my love an in th thO postscript postscript postscript post post- script that y get th out an go home Y reply with great trustin that yer yen heart may be gladdened gladdened gladdened glad glad- by seem me soon an that I mind my own business HOW THE NEGOTIATIONS PROCEED The only signs of war waris waris waris is our friendship Every year yeary yeary yeary y pay me a visit t t. see if Im I'm ready fer slaughter Th people Is crazy about y They came out In th thO street streett t f ch cheer cher er y an throw their hats in the theair theair theair air an an wonder who th thO seedy little man manin manin manin in th thO fancy dress costume might be I give y a grand dinner an while were we're engaged in th pursuit o 0 t drink each other Into th thO dictaphone Into our confidence dence flence enee yer valley is fine fuses through th thO coal bin while mine is goIn goin goin go- go in through th pockets o e th thO Royal Pants in th thO bedroom upstairs Nobody knows about it till they come down t breakfast some mornin an find Ive I've sent you an olto- olto mato Its kind o hard t explain an olto- olto I mato to a man o your Its It's th thO same as If I wast re request request request re- re I quest y t check yer watch an other otheT with me mae before I dropped y IT out th thO window Its It's th fust brick in th thO fight g Ii But nobody wants t I fight Insisted Mr Frisbee Dont y fool half my folks never hear o 0 your our country an anth anth antho th tho other half didn't care th thO streets is filled with patry otic citizens engaged In mud at th thO statue o 0 that y give to th thO city th last time you was here All AIl night long they're marchin up an down at th sound o 0 my name The only fault they have t find with me is ft cause causo I stood fer y fer for so long Theres young th thO butche son to a a. lamp post an way wava a flag He aint quite clear yet vrna happened but its it's thO th fust holiday n h h had fer ter five years an hes he's strong ith fth i f ith th government Look at the old his chest expansion an feel re l' l his muscles Hes He's a hero liero t t. day dayan an wont won't know till he finds hiss hissin in a hole in th tho ground with umbrella racks full fuji o 0 uplift his head WHAT CHANCE AGAINST OUR NAVY He didn't hate y much at fust st.- st. J was grateful to y fer th po o an free tobacco But ater h ii been long enough t real that the expression An army in infield If field aint no figger o speech his fe fein's feins feins fein's ins in's toward y will lead him t SUS susie f th Ui feller that's that th r i posters must be a relative yourn easy fer ter him t seo see didn't start th thO war How could when he lie didn't know who y y was it it must be yer fault an take that t that an an that an also this fer ferth th dir cur that y are 4 1 J. J l' l I Ii 11 1 i 1 1 i iJ J I II I I I Look at the old fellers I I- I chest an feel in his expansion mu cles des r th trouble with war Fr I bee Folks never know what theY about When they start c they dont don't care an ater that they too far from home borne t get back A Aas Aas Aas as long as like me an you on t that fact well we'll keep on start scraps an an then running down in int i t cellar t direct th thO t i so agreed Mr be a good scheme t th tho whole crowd But some these here countries what wasn't ask to th thO party dont don't want to What're goin t do then They better said Mr Frisbee they dont don't well we'll make em What chan chart has they got against our navy 1 1 Copyright 1921 by The Bell Syne cate cate- Inc J |