| Show II THE KILLER FOOL S By O. O Henry rl I CopyrIght 1920 by Doubleday l Page age Co published by bv special arrangement arrangement arrange arrange- ment merit w with ith the Wheeler Syndicate j ic hC Down own South whenever anyone anone perpetrates perpetrates perpetrates some particularly monumental picco o of oi foolishness ht everybody bod s says s 's Send for Jesse Holmes Holme Jesse Holmes is the Tool Killer Of Ot course lie he is a m myth mth like Santa Claus I and Jick Frost and Ge General Gereral cral Prosperity Rn and au all those concrete conceptions conceptions' Claus that I ate are supposed to represent an idea that Nature has bas failed to embody h wisest wis est st of the cannot annot tell you 1 comes comes' the Killer s name nane but iut ut few and nd happy are aie the households I I from the Roanoke to the Rio Hlo Grande in which the tIte n name me of Jesse Holmes has not been pronounced or invoked Always 1 Al- I ways wn's with a smile and often with ra a aI atea I t tea t-eai ar is he summoned to his official l dut duty A busy man is Jesse Holmes I remember the clear picture of him that hung on the walls of my ray fanc fancy I during m mj my barefoot days davs w when hen I 1 was dodging hi hiS bill threatened ott-threatened devoirs Tome To Tome Tome me he was a terrible old man in gray clothes with a long ragged gray beard and reddish fierce eyes ejes I looked to see him come stumping up the road ina ina in ina a cloud of dust with a white oak staff staffin in his hand band and his shoes tied with I leather thongs I may yet yet yet- Cut this is a story not a sequel 1 have hac taken notice with regret that few stories worth reading have been written that did n nt t contain drink of some sort Down go gothe 0 the fluids from Arizona Dicks Dick's three three- fingers ers of red to the Inefficacious Oolong that nerves Lionel to repartee In Iq Inthe li lithe the Dotty Dialogues So o in such good company I 1 may introduce an absinthe I drip one drip one absinthe drip through a silver sliver dripper orderly opalescent opalescent opa opa- I cool green ec green eyed deceptive Kerner was a fool Besides that he was an artist and my mj good friend Now I if there is one thing on earth utterly despicable to another it is an artist In Inthe inthe inthe the eyes of an author whose story he heI has Illustrated Just try it once Write I Ia I a story about a mining camp in Idaho Sell bell it it Spend the money mone and then six months later borrow a quarter or ora ora ora I a dime and bu buy the magazine ma conI con- con taming It You lou find a page full-page wash i I drawing of at your hero Black Bill the cowboy Somewhere e ee in your r s story you jou I I employed g d the word horse ls Ahal i the theartist theartist artist has grasped the idea Black BUI I has on the regulation trousers trouser of the theM M M. F r H H. of or the Westchester county hunt He lie carries a parlor rifle and wears a a. monocle In the distance is a Jl I section of oC l lort second ort second street during durin a search for a lost gas as pipe and the Taj Mahal the famous mausoleum In I India I I India Enough nou-h nou I hated Kerner and one I lay day I 1 met him and arid we wo became friends lie lEe was young and gloriously melancholy melan- melan choly because his spirits were so 50 o high and life had so much in store for mm nim V YES YE'S es he was almost riotously sad That was his lis youth south ft When hen a man begins tobe to tobe tobe be hilarious in a sorrowful way you can bet a million that he ho is dyeing his hair Kerner s hair hall was as plentiful and carefully care care- tully fully matted as an artists artist s thatch I Io should o be He was ws a c ct and I he audited his d dinners ri e s with red wine I I But most of all he was a fool Cool And nd I wisely r II Jh while T envied he knocked him and Velasquez listened li and patiently patiently pa pa- d Once he told me that he liked a story of mine that he lie had come across in an anthology lie He described it to me and I was waa sorry that Mr James litz O OBrien O'Brien Brien was dead and could not learn of the eulogy of his work I I But mostly Kerner made few tew breaks I and was a consistent fool toot I Id I'd d better explain what I mean by that There was a girl Now a girl as far as I am concerned Is a thing that belongs in iii a seminary or an al album album alburn al- al bum burn but I conceded the existence of the animal In order to retain Kerners Kerner's s friendship He showed me her picture in a locket she locket she was a blonde or a brunette I I have forgotten which She worked d L in a factory for o eight feh dollars JJ a week Lest st factories fe feo quote ue this i wage g by hy way of vindication I 1 will add that th the girl had worked for five years to reach that supreme elevation of or re remuneratIon remuneration re- re beginning Inning at al 1 50 a week Kerners Kerner's s father was worth a couple of millions million Ho lie was willing to stand for art but he drew the line at the factory girl So Kerner disinherited his Ms father and walked out to a cheap studio and lived on sausages for Cor breakfast breakfast break break- fast and on Farroni for dinner Farroni Tar Far roni had the artistic soul and a a. line of I credit for painters and poets nicely adJusted adjusted ad- ad i Sometimes Kerner sold a 1 picture pie pic ture and bought some tomo new tapestry aring a aring aring ring and a a. dozen silk cravats cra and paid two dollars on account ii 5 5 A 0 k I One evening Kerner had ban me to dinner ainner with himself and the factory girl The They were to be married as soon as Kerner could slosh paint profitably As for forthe forthe forthe the fathers ex-fathers two millions p pour ur I She was a won wonder er Small and hallway halfway half half- wa way pretty and as much at ner ease in that cheap cafe as though s she he were I Ionly only in the Palmer House Chicago with a souvenir spoon poon already safely hidden in her shirt waist She bhe was natural natula Two things I noticed a about bout bouther I her hei especially Her belt buckle was exactly in the middle of or her back and she didn didn't t tell teil us that a large man with witha i I a ruby stick pin had followed her up upI I all ail the wa way from Fourteenth street Was Vas Kerner lerner such a fool I wondered I IVas I And then I thought of the quantity of I I striped cuffs and blue lass blueglass glass beads that two million dollars can buy for the I I heathen and I said to m myself that he I was And the Klise certainly Elise certainly that I I was her name told name told us us merrily that the brown brow n spot on her vv was caused by her landlady y knocking at atthe I 1 the door while she the girl confound girl confound the English language was heating an iron over the gas jet and she hid the theiron theiron theiron iron under the bedclothes until the coast was clear and there thero was the piece of chewing gum stuck to it It when she began to Iron the waist and and and- well wen I 1 wondered how in the world the chewing TI gU came to be there there don don t they ever stop chewing It it itA A while after that that that-don't don t be Impatient tient trent the absinthe drip i IF coming now Kerner and I were dining at Barroni Far Bar roni ronis ranis s A V mandolin and a guitar were being attacked the room was full of oC I smoke in nice long crinkly layers lavers I just like the artists draw the steam 1 from a plum pudding on Christmas I posters and a lady in a blue silk and I gauntlets was beginning to I hum an air from the Catskills I fK Kerner said I 1 you vou OU are a fool I IS or Of Of course said Kerner I li 1 wouldn I S let her go on working Not my wife hats What's the use use- to wait She's willing I 1 sold that water color of the Palisades yesterday We e could cook on a two two- I burner gas stove sto You I know now the ragouts ragouts rag rag- outs I can throw together ether Yes I think rag rag-I we will marry next Week Kerner said I I. I you arc are a fool Cool Have an absinthe drip said Kerner Kerner Ker Ker- ner ncr grandly Tonight you are arc the guest of or Art in paying quantities I think we wo will get a flat with a bath I I never ne tried one one one-I I mean an absinthe ab sinthe drip said I r IThe I. I The waiter walter brought it and poured the water slowly over the ice leO in the drip drip- per perIt It It looks exactly like the Mississippi river water in the big bend belOW Natchez said I I. I fascinated gazing at i the muddled be-muddled drip I There are such flats for eight dollars dollars dol dol- dol- dol lars a week said aid Kerner You are a fool said T and began to sip ip the filtration What you need I 1 continued Is Ms the official attention of one Jesse Holmes Holms Kerner not bein being a Southerner did not rot comprehend so 50 he sat sentimental figuring on his flat in his sordid artistic ar ar- wa way while I gazed Into the green reen eyes yes of the sophisticated Spirit of Wormwood Presently I T noticed casu casu lly that a procession of ot bacchantes limned on the wall immediately below the ceiling had begun to move traversing the room from right to left in a gay and spec spec- tac lar pilgrimage T I did not confide mv my discovery to Kerner The artistic temperament is too high strung to view deviations from the natural laws of at the art of I 1 slipped Blipped my mv absinthe ab at sinthe drip and sawed wormwood One absinthe drip is not much much but but I T said again to Kerner kindly You ou are a fool And then th-eni th in it the I vernacular Jesse Holmes for tor yours And then I T looked around and saw the Fool Killer he had a as always ap appeared appeared ap- ap appeared to my Imagination sitting at a nearby table and regarding us with his reddish fatal relentless eyes Ir Ire was Jesse Holmes from top toP to toe he hp had the long gray ragged beard the the clothes of at ancient gray cut ut the executioners executioner's executioners executioner's look and the dusty shoes of one who had been called caned from afar aCar His hits e eyes ejes es were were- turned upon Kerner I shuddered to think that T I had haj Invokes invoked him from his assiduous Southern duties T I thought ought of or flying and then I kept ml seat reflecting that many men flen had hart had escaped his i mii ministrations ns when wen t It seemed med that nothing short abort of ot an an appointment ap ap- tent as Ambassador to Spain could save ae them from hinT him J ha had called m my brother Kerner a tool fool and andas was was' In danger of at hell fire fre That was nothing hut but I 1 would tr try to save aVe hii him from Jesse Tesse Holmes The e Fool Kilter Fool r o-r g got up ul from rom his tiis table and and came over to ours hf He rested ha lis hands upon it it and turned his burning I vindictive eyes cyca upon Kerner Ignoring 0 men j I jj S j iJ i S 'S S 'S I You are a a. hopeless fool he said to to I of or had t the he artist you vou enough I starvation yet I offer j you ou one more opportunity Give up this girl and co come comeback e i iback I back to your jour our home Refuse and you jou ou r must oust take talie the consequences consequence i The Killers Fool s threatening face i iwas was within a foot of his victims victim 3 s' s but butto butto butto I to mv m my horror Kerner made not the slightest slight slight- I est eat sign sign of b being ing aware of his presence We e eIm will Im be married next week weel he I muttered absent abent With Ith my studio furniture and some second hand I stuff we can make out I You lou have decided your jour our Own fate said the tte Killer Fool in m a a. low rut terrible tel ter terrible ter- ter voice voice You may consider your our yourself self as one dead Y You have had sour our I last a chance e I j S In In the moonlight went on Kerner Lerner I I softly we will sit under the sk skylight II ht with our guitar and sing awa away the false I delights of Jt pride and money On your jour own head be It it hissed the I Fool and m mj my scalp prickled when 11 II 1 perceived that neither Kerners Kerner's eyes ejes I nor his ears took the slightest cognizance of Jesse Holmes Holme Ana A t lIew that for some reason the veil had be been n lifted I for me alone and that I 1 had been elected to the 2 ss save e m my friend friend from destruction at Killers Killer's hands Something of the fear and wonder of or it must have showed itself in my m face Excuse e me roe said aId id Kerner with his wan amiable was as I talking to myself If I think it is getting geWn- to be a I habit with me The Killer tool turned and walked out of Farroni's I Walt Valt here for me said said I rising I I must speak to that man Had Rad you vou no answer for him hint Because you vou are a f his fool foot must must you ou V die like a a. m mouse use under I Could you ou not utter one squeak n. n your our own defense You are drunk said Kerner heart heart- I lessl lessly No one addressed me I The destro destroyer er of your our mind said I 1 I. I I stood above e you V ou V Just now aid aid- 1 marked you for his victim You You are Are not blind o Or deaf deat Kerner I recognized no such Person said aid I r 1 have seen no I one but vout you vou at this table Sit it down Hereafter ou shall you I have no more absinthe drips Wait Valt here said r. r I furIOUs dont don't it If t you jou I care for your Our own on life it for you ou I will IiII s save vc I I hurried out and In overtook the man gray way half down the looked block He as I had seen him In my I a a. thousand fancy truculent times awful He gray and walked with the white oak staff and but for the street sprinkler i the dust would have his tread been flying under him I caught to a him dark b by the sleeve sley and ter steered I knew new he Was a myth angle ana ano or of I 1 a di did building 1 a W f for r cop I 1 to to see me land conversIng In with not vacancy E want Ml silver matchbox and mInus m my diamond ring ing Jesse Holmes said W n with will I facing hl him apparent bravery braven have heard of ot you vou all all all' mi I know you Jou U I J my life I I now hOw OW what a Zu hLf know scourge v sou ou ha Va been your our count Instead of to killing v you jou have been genius that are murdering the youth and d people live and to make a fool Your ai lf Holmes row V treat great fou ar a off the YO you began begar hlf b brightest and best killing CIO men ment t three Be of OUt coun generations old and d obsolete ago when the and n d aln Standards ot of honor lOnOr SOciety and I orthO and bigoted You ou orthodoxy proved proved that were narrow Put k Kern Jr your jour murderous u r marl mark when h you ou t wisest t Upon ty friend m life chap I C ever er ke new In he Irs looked and closely at me Youve You Srim Youve You ve a queer jag ia said d Oh yes Joes I 1 ii he curl curl- cut curl now You see who you rou ou were are sitting table Ith Well ii if Im I'm not him at the you call him a fool too mistaken I heard I did said j 1 so 50 It Is from Crom j I delight In doing ards envy Dy I that yoU know he hc Is y all the the and grandiloquent most elre egre fool in all and the world Want to kill him That's Way Would you you ou What you think mind telling me who man I 1 am a asked the old or 01 I laugh laughed boisterously suddenly I and then slopped not do to be that It would seen company ot of nothing but so hilarious In the You a are Jesse walt Wall Killer j 1 said Holmes the Jool Fl I solemnly going to and kill yo OU I In my friend are lerner Kerner now who I dont don't kill rang OU up but liin If Ill ili ou do for If I It l ca carr That IS see is Is that I added Ji yo you despairingly set get et pitched pinched get a cop to have a ace POOr eYe for ou They It would take the mortals and I thInk a myth whole force to murderer round Well said I 1 the must bo be going briskly ho home At e t V I ISI sleep 1 it off You had better go Was l d moved for tor b a fear Kerner erner to a a. otter and d alore plead |
