Show 1 Why Do Women Wear furs Ask Doesn't Know By Arthur U Bugs Baer Copyright 1917 1017 by the Press Publishing Co The New York Evening World It Is impossible to prognosticate the direction In which a flea with the colic will jump You cant can't figure i in advance Just what a flivver with witha a fractured steering gear will do next Its It's liable to go Democratic climb into somo some pedestrians pedestrian's vest pocket or have a relapse an ami become a pile pilO of tin again And you have just as much chance of figuring what tho the ladies ladles are going to publish next in the way of styles Pat Henry said that the only way we could Judge the future was by the past But if you try to do that with the feminine styles you ou are liable to step on chin About a a decade ago the frail were wearing the Princess gown That was the style in which their waist line was parked up around their ears Ther a few seasons seasons seasons sea sea- sons later their waist lines went down around their ankles Since then you aint sure Just where to look for the fashionable waist line The Tho styles i keep bobbing north and south like a I farmers farmer's Adams Adam's apple Then the ladies busted out on a ahat ahat I hat campaign They broke out in a arash arash arash rash of millinery They wore every shape of from an erratic pancake shape to a creation modeled after atter a soup soul tureen with broken arches After the tho girls defeated millinery millinery millinery mil mil- they rolled their eyes around for new now worlds to conquer and they picked on shoes They wore every brand of shoe from a seven-quart seven tango pump to a four dozen button I traveling brogan There were so many buttons on shoes that shoes had to be buttoned in instalments There were more buttons buttons buttons but but- tons on debutantes debutante's boots than there were buttons on the desk of a vice president of ot a big corporation That's stepping somo some After graduating from boots and hats the tho soprano pl played I possum for awhile but suddenly they broke out in Ia an epidemic of furs And they are still They are are wearing overy every kind of fur from genuine sardine whiskers to authentic Mexican furless dog fur Beauty unadorned is real beauty Pasting a flock of ot Danish kangaroo furs on a beautiful prima donna is like painting the lily Or like putting putting putting put put- ting salt on a fish cake But if the style foundries decree that furs are areto areto areto to be the vogue the ladies will get furs if they have to shave every cat catin catin in the neighborhood I But what weve we've been trying to aim this chatter at is the exempt W way y in which the lady voters wear furs I When a seal is still inside of his cot coat I r I i I I I and vest he wears em to keep warm But after old George Seal is evicted from his wardrobe the original idea becomes merely a a scrap of paper A woman doesn't wear sealskins to keep herself warm Sh She doesn't care whether she is insulated from the cold or not In the first place a woman wears wear sealskins so that her neighbors can I i sprain an eye on her as she flat- flat I wheels down the street If her neighbors neighbors neigh neigh- bors hors were all aU nearsighted she wouldn't get any more fun out of ot her sealskins than a rabbit would out of ci i shotgun That's one reason why a lady wears furs The other reason is that there aint any reason If a woman wears furs urs for warmth why does she wear em em on her parasol or her hat Why does she wear furs dangling down her i spine like an animated lambrequin or ora ora a traveling set of portieres portieres' If a i chicken totes around an edition of ot furs Curs urs for protection why does she I wear a of elephant tails I fox ears and porpoise hoofs trailing after her like an unraveled xylophone xylophone I phone Whenever you se see a frail with a lot of guinea pig tails tans dangling dangling dangling dan dan- I gling down her shoulder blades you I are tempted to page e a Swiss bellinger bellringer bell bell- ringer inger and ask him to play the Chimes of Normandy on em beU 1 When you lamp a bird on the street with a bandage of furs around her I neck you might mh-ht think that j there is one woman who is wearing furs for warmth She has a rope of j skunk furs pulled around her neck I like a tourniquet She looks as if j I she has lynched herself j I You imagine that she is carrying i that neckpiece for warmth until you take another astigmatic peep and you see ace that she is wearing a a. a low cut waist and that she has a freckle on onI her left shoulder blade If It they do wear furs they compromise by not wearing searing much else Why does a woman wear furs is isone isone isone one of those undecipherable queries that must rattle down in history along with other puzzles such ds as how howlong howlong howlong long is a plate of spaghetti and what I becomes of the wool that was in the hole in your sock The last one is really the toughest I puzzle to unravel What becomes of the wool that was in the hole in your sock Nobody knows what be becomes becomes becomes be- be comes of the wool that was in the I hole in your sock especially if it your sock was cotton I Well its it's a couple of rough hemispheres hemispheres hemispheres hemi hemi- I spheres we are living in Nobody j i knows the answer And as the kaiser I Isaid said when he hugged the j jor I or as the monkey said when he kissed the porcupine we must take our pain I with our pleasure I |