OCR Text |
Show I A Line o' Type or Two J I I 'Lord,- what fools these mortals be.' ! , I By B, L. T. ' Tte Is'ew Poetry. 1 "Lh'e is short, art is lor.g.'"1 He ivas the oddest s'.eht. sir. T've seen In many moons. This old man In a graveyard A-peddi:nar toy balloons. I asked was business lively In '.hat loeall'.y 7 "The pubjie," said V.e gravely. "Are bound to come to mc." PAX. "My fner.d and I were debating the meaning o:" "Belies Lsltrci, '.' writes Lector, Lec-tor, "and for enlightenment we turned to M'-'Clurgr's catalogue. There we found, under "Belles Lettres,' these: 'A Sample Case or Humor, Strickland GUlilan,' 'Human 'Hu-man Confessions, Frank Crane,' and 'The Diary of an Expectant Mother.' Are we on the right track?" OH, My DefLr! Sir: I recently attended a country wedding wed-ding where a very hand Home edition of Shakespeare was exhibited among the gifts. As I stood admiring It a young woman picked it up, opened it, and exclaimed: ex-claimed: " 'Measure for Measure.' What a beautiful cook book." ESTHER. Before Uranus begins hurling javelins through the sun you might be glad to know that the foreign service department of Crltchfleld & Co. is managed by William Wil-liam Gone AVendt. "If I Were King" Sir: What do you uiaan by "apparently .nobody reads Swinburne these days"? A ery few people ever read him. I dls-rovered dls-rovered him twenty-two years ago. and have hugged him to my bosom ever since. But I no longer asti of people. "Do you like Swinburns?" for I -know .the answer. an-swer. Unless It is a stray college professor pro-fessor now and then a professor of English En-glish the comeback is, No; how do you cook It?" If I were supreme dictator of some country or some world the first thing I would do would be to have every child in every grade taught every day the simple sim-ple little amenities of life, and the second sec-ond thing would be to have them learn at least ten different poems each year up to the age of .18, and one of 'em would be that "Garden of Proserpine." and another would bo "Oblation," that "Ask nothing more of me, sweet, all I can give you, I give," etc. Why 1sn"t I that set to music? Someone might make i some money on it. - (A-dd "1000 Ways to ; Get nich.") j guiIjLAume le jeuxe. I ' "To cultivate grace," save Roslna Galli, "jslt with your feet higher than your waist, resting them on the table, or : even the mantelpiece. I, often do it.'' : Roslna, as we recall, has two good reasons. rea-sons. .' "Liberty" Perfume. Sir: Speaking of,stenogs and fur coats, I heard this in the elevator of the Gas building. First stenog.: "Smell my perfume per-fume this morning? I bought it yesterday yester-day $7 an ounce." M. B. K. This is an age of specialization, . 83 someone remarked. A San Francisco garage ga-rage advertises: "We specialize in Hud-sons, Hud-sons, Dodges and. all other-makes of cars." ' If I Could Sing. If I could sing in words the things I see, Or see entirely truths my muse half tells In whispered strains and sound of mystic bells, Faint echoes from the cosmic symphony; Could language don a raiment eloquent, Prismatic as the rainbow's prophecy, Than brass on string with grander harmony, har-mony, Sublime as battled skies by lightning rent; If man could, hearing, know the voice of fa.te Speak through the awful concert of the spheres On my frail, tinkling lyre thus pitched in tune I, too, might understand this wreckage-strewn. Bewildered coast upon a sea of tears,' Where love's far, fitful flash we see, and wait. , RIQ. PERSONAL Will the person (o. s.' for "party") who asked for a copy of the valve-handle wheeze send his napne and address? A copy of the wheeze has just blown in. Mince pie is perhaps the specialty of the Security Building cafe, the menus of which announce: "Not responsible for anything left in this restaurant. We make our own pastry.":' From Tatber .Gander's Melodies. At sundry marts the queen of hearts Did buy her this and that. The knaves, all sorts, who kept those marts Took profits over fat. The knavish breed for glutton greed Be brothers of the leech ; ! Their vicious creed, "Why buys we bleed," The golden rule of each. 1 The king of hearts foreswore those marts, ! And all and sundry like. I And 'neath the smarts that wrong imparts. im-parts. Did straightway call a strike. "Good wife," quoth he. "it eeemeth me Those knaves be rogues Indeed. Henceforth they be taboo, and we Buy elsewhere what we need." So now they twain, their method sane, Buy naught save what they must, Shun knaves o'er fain for o'ermuch gain, And Hi Cost sore disgust. ARIES. "If," ifs Nate, "blondes wad their hair over sponges for the gob effect, do their henna'd sisters do likewise over rubber sponges?" ; Can He Work a Ouija Board? (From the Columbia City Post.) Anyone wanting a cheap room to be at home nights with an old gentleman, inquire in-quire at this office. "Perry Girl Made Nearly $1000 on a Calf." Des Moines Capital. 1 As Mary Garden said But you remember remem-ber what she said. Bright Sayings of Buster. Sir: Buster pulled a good one at Thanksgiving; "Gimme some more o' that cram belly sauce." j. Song. If you should die, dear B. L. T , This occult stuff would int'resi me -If you should die. If you should die. I'd get the book T'.v&t teil us how to talk with spooks If you should die. DURA BLACKBERRY. The Complete Contrib. Sir: Why not head this "Prone on H's Back"? A sign in Lacrosse. Wis.: "Pleasant View Funeral Parlors." SWINDLE SHEET BILL. Uh-Huh. Sir: Overheard in National Life Building elevator: "Yes, I u.sed to wear woolens, nut this winter I'm sticking to my B. V. D.'s." Perhaps he's sewed in. MARIE. Music Received: "And There Were Shepherds," by August HaUer; C. L. Barn house, publisher. "Xert!" Ti'iun the PcorU Jour:.al. Har:-y Cnln or Brards?:.ow;i spent the cek-end with irler.ds in Havana. |