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Show I I I I A Line o' Tvpe or Two I I I 'Lord, what fools these mortals V- 1 I By B. L. T. The Little Youth. (.Dedicated to the Better English movement.; move-ment.; "WE. Little youth with algid digits And no gauntlets on your fingers, It blows boreal for midgets While this gelid norther lingers. I aver that, had I sired you, I should view with sad concern How your mother- had attired you At this equinoctial turn. YOUTH. It was nothing if not vernal When I took my morning ration, Neither did the morning journal Point to any fluctuation. Mother had no premonition Of this sharp lacustral flurry; Sir, condemn me to perdition If 1 thinK that you should worry! PAN. Prof. Pickering is quoted as declaring that a race of superior beings inhabits the moon. Now. we are far from claiming claim-ing that the Inhabitants of our geold are superior to the moon folk, or any other folk in the solar system; but the mere fact that the .Moonians are able to exist in conditions peculiar to themselves does not make them superior. The whale can live under water. Is the whale, then, superior su-perior 10, say. Senator Johnson? True, it can spout farther, but it Is probably inferior to Mr. Johnson in reasoning power. A Durham Bull. ' Sir: TV. C. Durham, a foreman at Camp Grant, is quoted as saying that "twice too many men" were employed on every job in the construction of the camp. I'll bet CalcUrosus can't tll bow many men that is. 1j. T. . Pop! Pop! Sir: That popping you hear, if not the explosion of over-fermented home beer, is made by the feiiows who played the market on margin blowing out their brains. DUG. Stealing a private supply of lliuor Is a crime that calls for capital punishment: and If our spineless legislatures will not provide the death penalty, vigilance committees com-mittees should be formed in every community. com-munity. Ropes for robbers! "Editorial of the Day." (From tiie Ohio State Journal) W regretted we were unable to attend the thirty-ninth birthday anniversary of Max H. RIeser"s department store, at which time a loO-pound cake was cut and distributed. The rutting was done by the eject and nonelect mayors, Messrs. Thomas and Kark. We had. however, a special favor In the present of a baby cake, a facsimile of the daddy cake that filled the show window of the Reiser store. We celebrated our part of the affair that quite rivaled the original orig-inal ocaslon. Wfl gathered around our festal board at home t He little boys and girls of the neighborhood, placed the fine take In the center of the table, lighted the thirty-nine ca ndtes, which made- a brilliant wene that the children all enjoyed en-joyed with many shouts of glee. After t hie there was the usual confusion of Joy which we do not believe nap exceeded exceed-ed In the presence of the big cake itolf. Whan the children had be'-n surfeited Wlin utnglH ine taKe aa rui anu emii child present received a nlc slice wrapped In white tissue paper, which It took homo to enjoy with Its parents. There wad general hope expresaed that the fortieth anniversary would not long be delayed. "Woman Wins H. C. L. Contest." Headline. But the story, complains Norty. failed to state iiow large a crowd was present, and what altitude was attained. It's Almost Winter In Vermont. (From the Braltleboro Phoenix.) About three inches of Bnow covered the ground Wedntsday morning and a large amount fell during the day. making mak-ing about eight Incites. A strong cold wind rose iti the afternoon and farmers on the hill used sleds for their work Thursday. Cattle were driven in from pastures, but a two-year-old heifer owned hy James X. Betterley, which was so wild the men could only get within seeing distance of her, was shot and dressed for beef. How Should We? Sir: Bpeaklng of frail supports, our stenog claims to have the slimmest ankles In the place, whatever that means. Do you know? U. jj D. Another sign of winter is displayed In Evanston: "Girls wanted to sew on ladies' dresses. ' Which reminds us tht an old wheeze drifted In yesterday, the one about the boy who was sent home by the leather because he was odoriferous. His Indignant mother sent hlni'back with the note: "Willie Is sewed in for the winter. Icrn hlni. don't smell hltn." Always Al-ways good, always good. The Impurist Ecsolutes. There was a young girl lived in Penn.. Her English was bad. and some then. But one day she said, "Get this In your head: I ain't going to say 'ain't' again!" P.. W. C. Though Indiana monickers may be more melodious than those of Ohio, they are not niorc piquant- Thus w read In the Van Wert Bulletin that Miss Vera Dull has been attending a teachers' convention con-vention in Toledd. and that Mary Jane Piffle spent tfundav at tbe home of W. J. Dull. Barnstorming Bluer. xn. tlow doth the little chorus girl Improve Jier street costume? 6he hardly earns enough to pay Kor meals and tingle room. XIII. O wUtful Italian gentleman Who Dtavest our bassoon. Each night your lips play comic airs. Your eyca a minor tune. XIV. I am happy, very happy, Kor In a day or two The morning rattler snapiv Will take us to Peru: And I hope to find, In a night or soonei . If Peru Is the town Where they make Peruns. XV. I like the Interurban. It feels so darn suburban. You go ua fast as the law allows But stop when the track gets full ol cows. XVI. bundny In Anderson. Indiana. Is u great day For the churches. Illy. "Lack of schools Ituasia's Greatest Need. Says riiudcni." ustlti Klates-niau. Klates-niau. An unusually clear statement of conditions condi-tions in Redland. How KcorlSbS of Him. 'from the lies Moines Capita).) Wayne ppndexleitir, west Twentieth street and Bennett avenue, sustained a bad cut on tho head vvlion he fell from bed and adghled upon a piece of broken) crockery. We are assured that the commoneil French tisnni, In (juabc, Is victor Rabl-desu. Rabl-desu. which1 Is I be euulvaleiu of John imiili, But in France they scarcely know I he name. January 18. sir Whai would you consider a iea-sonable iea-sonable time "f year to remove the sign. "V. , ' "inn I'aiiaina and Hututne:- Mais?' 1 1 A It It 1 1 "T. |
