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Show "PEACH DAY" Victory Over Political Persecofa, Bishop Winker Shows How Brother Spry Delivered the Goods. Gentile Enemies of the Kingdom Given the Doublo Cross by Orders Or-ders From Bos B. Strictly Confidential. MORMONTON, Utah, Nov. 10. Dear Brother Penrose (Apostle and Editor Ed-itor of the Deseret News): Well, lf this ain't "peach day" for the Mormons, what is it? Again we have been led to the promised land by the hand of the Lord, and again have we triumphed over political persecution and given the Gentile enemies of God the double-cross with the ra.w edges turned out. . Alas, we have met the enemy and his mangled man-gled remains look like -1 cents' worth of doc meat. Who was It that said Brother Spry couldn't deliver tho goods to Brother Smoot? Who was It that said Mormons Mor-mons had outgrown counsel from the priesthood? Whoever It was should go out In the back lot and cultivate heart-failure. heart-failure. In doing my duty I desire to be guided guid-ed by the inspiration of heaven, and I feel to rejoice that these unbelievers are no more than heathen to me. When the Salnis marched up to the ballot box and voted according to tho orders of Box B, It was like pulling a lead-pipe cinch on them in the dark. We had them going from the tap of the gong, but in walking over the American flag It Is a sin to harbor thoughts of exultation. exul-tation. Must Endure Our Sufferings. We must endure our sufferings In silence si-lence and accept our woes with patience, pa-tience, until we reap our reward in the glories of the kingdom. Let us hope that this Is only a temporary afillctlon and not a permanent aggravation. Without tossing any bouquets of American Beauties at anybody and without naming any names or pointing the taper finger of glee at my lily-white lily-white brow. I wish to remark that Bishop Winker Is wearing his joyous garments and a snicker that couldn't be pried loose with a crowbar. The brothers and sisters listened to the voice of authority, and I saw that those who abode In the covenant of the Saints were my mutton. I set church influence to work among them like a farm hand, and Brother Culler has been divorced from his blankets for four years. It Is pretty tough on Utah, but the result is like sending triumphant Mormonism out on a mission to carry the light of the everlasting gospel to the benighted heathen of the United Stales. The election lets the- world know that we Mormons are glued together in the desire to build up the waste places o ZIon and to vote according to the dictates dic-tates of Brother Smith While we may feel to have a great deal of love for our fellow beings, especially espe-cially for those who have been favored of the Lord, the man who turns away from God and bolBts the American fiag will get jolted on the neck when he tries to break Into public office. Flaying1 It Low Down. Of course, it was playing it low down on them to set apart Brother Roberts and Brother Thatcher to go forth and i speak with the voice of authority for Brother Powers, after two Mormon Democrats In every squad of four had been given the sign of distress and tolled off for Brother Cutler. But It worked out like It was greased, and all the dodos actually think that the word was out for Brother Powers, It was rather smooth politics, and, In a very cleverly religious way, put It on to the Gentiles like a tombstone over a butterfly. My No. 5 says she thinks It was silly and a waste of votes to force all the sisters to go to the polls when enough brothers had been counseled to make Brother Cutler's calling and election sure. She says before she will cast her ballot again, counsel or no counsel, she will have to get a paid-up policy from Box B, Insuring her against meeting that sawed-off doll AVlth red wig, who snuffles when she ' walks and who thinks she Is the only one In the ward who can properly wear the glad rags on election day. Just because she Is the No. 7 and latest annex to the president of this stake. On the side, I may say that when it comes down to taking a long shot or a straight tip on anything in the line of a radiant vision of feminine loveliness, my No. 5 Is full-Jeweled with a chronometer chron-ometer balance. The sawed-off doll with auburn hair doesn't trot In her class. Touchdown for Brother Fussy. But the election was a touchdown for Brother Fussy, and when it cornea to handing out the blankets to the paupers, pau-pers, there won't be any doubt as to who will be cuddling up to the fleecy side. Mo and Brother Spry and Brother Broth-er Fussy and Brother Smoot size right up with the bright lights of ZIon, after the continuous performance we have given of the way the church can do things and do them brown with the swift, silent and secret ballot. When the word goes forth, there are no mugwump Mormons. Wo mix our religion and our politics, but we take them straight and swallow tho whole dose at one gulp, no matter how bitter It Is. We never allow a little matter like that to stand In the way of the Lord's wishes. If you doubt It, ask Brother Smoot he knows we don't In the Legislature there will be Mormons Mor-mons and Mormons everywhere, but not a one to eat. I am expecting to be set apart for a mission to the brothers who will elect the next United States Senator. The will and voice of the Lord does not seem to point too strongly strong-ly toward Brother Sutherland. He Is such a cheap gazook that It will make my gorge rise lf It should become necessary neces-sary to use him after this campaign. However, doormats are always In fashion fash-ion and wo must have something to wipe our feet on. Of course, I am not impugning the motives of Brother Smith if he should feel to think that Brother Sutherland is the best we can do in doormat class, but without any desire to get outside the pale of the church, I must say that Brother Smith is getting groggy In his Judgment If he cannot pick out a better quality of foot-wiper. Sours on Brother Smoot. Now that we have sustained Brother Smoot isn't it about time to let him know that he Isn't the only pickle In the Jar, even If he Is the sourest? He Is out for everything in sight, and while I feel to believe that It was right to keep him on his perch as long" as the enemies of the kingdom were after rim, now that we have used all the influence in-fluence of the church to vindicate his bum Judgment and worse candidates, Just between us Mormons, don't you think It is time to Bmlte Smoot on the spot where It will do tho most irood? He stirred up all this muES, and all this trouble I have had In delivering the word to Mormons set apart as Democrats Dem-ocrats to vote the Republican ticket, has convinced me that the blow that almost killed grandpa should fall upon Smoot I have sensed the feeling of the brothers, and lf Brother Smith allqws Brother Smoot to go, there won't be any weeping and walling and gnashing of teeth Personally, I think Brother Smoot is all right, only he's such a lobster. Your true friend In the Gospel and old pal In polygamy, CEPHAS AURELIUS WINKER, Bishop of Mormonton, Prospective Apostle and ex-Main Guy of the Smootler push, P. S. When do we celebrate with a banquet at the poorhouse at which the paupers won't be Invited? "Your daughter's music is improving," said tlio professor, "but when she runs tho scales I have to watch her pretty closely." "Just like her father," said Mrs. Nu-rich Nu-rich "Ho mndo bin money In the grocery business.' Philadelphia Ledger. |