| Show TESTS fOR MODERN lOVERS Now said Polly picking up her spoon you can give me a proof of your affectloiu I am going to eat noodle soup 1 dont understand T said as the waiter discreetly effaced himself behind a palm You can watch me said Polly I have endured greater trials in a lesser cause I remarked Perhaps said Polly but the man who can watch the girl he loves eating eat-ing noodle soup for the that time and still see the little halo about her head 1 Js a modern Sir Francis finished Oh far greater exclaimed Polly Sir Francis only leapt into a lions den after the ladys glove while the man who watches the lady 1 1 consume a plate of noodles faces a host of shattered shat-tered illusions There Is no glory to spur him on It wasnt love you know that made Sir Francis leap among the lon It was just plain masculine vanity He didnt want to appear a coward and Polly held the spoon poi + ed above her soup plate Why dont you go on f I asked I think Im a little afraid she said smiling Dont be said T I know Im wearing a dinner coal and romance and dinner coats harmonize almost as badly as lobster and confetti But Im I really very brave morally Resides < there are extenuating circumstances you Know l KnowWhat What arc they asked Polly lowering lower-ing her spoon very slowly beside her plateWell Well you are wearing a pink chiffon chif-fon hat Polly lifted her eyebrows And you smell of violets Polly picked up her spoon J again And the way your pompadour curls about your forehead Polly took an olive Would make even eating noodle soup seem fascinating Piolly tried very hard to look severe Jack she remarked you are growing grow-ing personal Besides If you are really FO prejudiced how am I going lQ make the test Did you really bring me here to test me I asked l It would have been kinder and far easier to have jumped off the ferry boat on the way over or to have bribed the cab driver to make his horse run away or to have Put those things wouldnt have been any lest at all argued Polly I could have cut a figure T remarked re-marked reproachfully Thats just it It would have been a case of masculine vanity not aproof of love I really dont see how you could have gotten out of saving my life if I I had jumped off a ferry boat You would have done the same for any old woman under the circumstances and my hat would have been utterly ruined Besides It is quite out of fashion to test a lover by sending to the bottom of the river There are so many other and more modern ways which are more subtle and effective = LIke electrocution compared to hanging I suggested Yes Or homeopathic pills compared I to bleeding Or noodle aoup compared to lions Polly balanced her spoon on her forefinger fore-finger Yes she went on meditatively and the beauty of it is they arc sauce for the goose as well as for the gander A man has the sam cltallcc to lest a girls affections How oh howV I cried eagerly Well he might call on her in a checked waistcoat and a collar I two sizes too large for him Or he might kiss her after he has been smoking ail old pipe Or he might walk her home from the theater In the pouring rain to save paying cab hire Or he might eat spaghetti or chop suey before her very eyes Or he might take her to a lecture on protoplasm or temperance And If after all that she still appears perfectly contented and looks at him reverently as though she were In a temple gazing at an altarPolly slowly slow-ly lowered her spoon into her soup 11 Vell Why he can step on her frock and I tear it oft the binding Is that the Unal teat Yes said Polly decisively for awkwardness Is the one thing a woman will forgive no man And if a girl allows al-lows you lo wipe your big feet all over her nifties without opening her lips In protest and smiles when you knock her hat off with your umbrella and appears perfectly calm and happy when you are treading on her slippers during a waits it Is a sure sign of one of two things either you arc very rich or she is blindly blind-ly I idiotically l l Irrevocably in love with IIi you youI i think I catch your meaning I said 1 reflectively I once thought I loved a girl until I called upon her early In the morning And caught her In curl papers and Chinese slippers No T corrected she was chewing gum and wearing a health reform costume cos-tume tumeAnd And that was the end of everything every-thing announced Polly But you didnt really love her Jack or the chewing gum and the health reform costume would have made no difference differ-ence Its a good thing you didnt marry her I looked about for the waiter Ho was standing with his back turned and I mont mhly determined to tip him 50 renlH Then I reached stealthily under the table for Pollys hand I dont think I aver Intended lo marry mar-ry her I i said < softly Well it was a good thing said Polly Pol-ly l It isnt always necessary to fling the glove into the lions drno Tn most modern love affairs there arc plenty of occasions when the lions come right out and demand to be faced A man who would tread on a girls frocks or her toes before they were married would I trend all over her nerves and tear down all her allusions afterward And a girl who would let a man FCC her chewing gum or wearing a health waist during the engagement would come down every ev-ery I morning in mother hubbards and curl papers after she had caught him It Is the tiny things that tell which way I the wind blows and the little delicate situations that come up during a court Fhlp that prove love In the fire The girl who wants you to tell her the minute i min-ute you put the ring on her linger Just how many other women you have ever kissed and why you did It will sit up all night waiting for you whenever you are out at the club and will never have a decent looking maidservant In the house The man who breaks ills dinner din-ner with you before you arc married will break your heart afterward af-terward I once thought loved a man until he took me five biooks out of then the-n in order to get transfers and avoid paying two car fares Then T shuddered shud-dered with relief that T hadnt married him Why he might have expected me to dress out of what was left of the milk money and lv my huls out t oC what I could save rr the butcher and lunch on a glass of water and a 10cent sandwich and do without toothpowder in order to buy the baby shoes 1 and Polly shuddered and bit an olive vlcl ou ly But I said reproachfully If you had really loved him Polly you wouldnt have minded doing those thlnps for him Well she admitted grudgingly perhaps Put Im glad I found tout So am 1 I said making another disastrous attempt to reach Pollys hand under the table The waiter Is looking at you said PollyWho Who cares said I Besides I havent finished my soup and who knows f do I declared That you will love me quite the same I I would love you just the same if you were a heathen Chinee and ate with chopsticks I vowed Polly looked doubtful Oh you never can tell she said diving recklessly into her soup you never can tell beforehand If It were not for the little tests marriage would be as uncertain as reincarnation or automobiles You cant tell whether a man is generous or not by the flowers and 1 candy he sends you You want to find out how much pin money he allows his sister And Its no sign that he Is brave Just because he dives off 11 ferryboat I ferry-boat to saVe your life You want to find out how he nets when the lamp threatens lo explode or the hot water pipe bursts And It isnt necessary to ask him to light n duel for you In order to test his chivalry Just get him to talk about some girl who turned him down and sue If he forgets his masculine I mascu-line vanity sufficiently to speak highly of her And If you want to prove that I he truly loves you and that it isnt Just an ephemeral fancy or your cursed beauty as thu lady novelists say that is fascinating him why just cat Noodle soup I remarked Yes said Polly and now you can order the fish What I exclaimed you havent finished that soup already Quite paid Polly But Polly I argued This lime I succeeded in catching two of Pollys fingers under the table She struggled It Isnt fair I cried Ive been tested and have come through the fire Polly the halo still burns about that chiffon hat and blends wilh the odor of violets Those curls = Halibut sir asked the waiter I determined to make the tip a quarter Do you think it was worth while to I lest me I asked when he had taken the plates away I didnt said Polly But you ate the soup Yes said Polly pulling her fingers away hut I left all ill e noodles Helen Rowland In Detroit Pree Press Ii I i |
