Show Mlt DOOLEY ON TiE > CRUSADE AfiAINSr VICE I l I 1 I By F P Dunne Copyrighted J 1nO li y Robert Howar I RuBsellI Vice said Mr Doolcy I is a crca toro of such hcejous mien as Hogan says that th more ye sec it th bellher yellko Itt Id be afraid to anther upon I It-t crusade again vice f r fear I might prefer it to th varchous life iv a raysplctablc Hqour dealer But anny how th crusade has started an befuro manny months Ill be lookin undhcr th table whin I I set down to a peaceful game Iv solytalre to Gee If a pollsman in citizens clothes aint concealed I there IIThCity Iv New York Hinnlssy I sets lh fashion Iv vice an starts th I crusadeagain It Thin Ivrybofly else takes It up Theyso crusades nn crusaders cru-saders ih ivry hamlet in th laud an I I places that is cursed with nawthln r worse thin pilchln horseshoes sinds to j I ih neighborin big city fr a I case lv 1 II I vice lo suppress Were In th mist iv I a crusade now an there Isnt a polls I man in town who isnt tremblln fr I his job As a people Hinnlssy were th greatest crusaders that iver was fr a short distance On a quarlhermlle ihrack we can crusade at a rate that wud make Slogans frind Godfrey th Bullion look like a crab But th throuble Is th crusade dont last afthcr th first sprlnL Th crusaders I drop out lv th proclsslon to take a dhrlnk or put a little money on th aco an be th time th end Iv th line Iv march Is reached th boss crusader is alone in th job an his former followers fol-lowers Is hurlin bricks at him frm th windows Iv policy shops Th boss crusader always gels Ih double cross If I wanted lo sind me good name down to th gineralions with Capt Kidd l and Jesse James Id lead a movement move-ment rr th thVsupprcsslon Iv vice I wud so To sotHinnissy tis this way th laads illcted lo office an put on lh I polis foorco Is lh need Lv a little loose I change nn th ony way they can get I It is to bo DC otraUn with vice Tammany Tam-many cant raise army money on th churches It wont do fr thim to raid a glnts furnlshin sthore fr kecpin l disorderly neckties in th window Theyve gol to get th money where its com In to thlm an tis ony coin I in to thim where th law an vile human hu-man nature has a sthrangle holt on each other A pollsman goes afther vice as an ofilccr iv th law an comes away as z philosopher Th theory Iv I mcsllf Hogan Crofter an other lamed I men Is that vice whin Its broke is a crime an whin Its got a bank account ac-count > is a necessity an a luxury Well th laads goes on usin th revised statutes as a sandbag an by an by th captain iv th polls station gets to a pint where his steam yacht bumps into a canoe iv lh prlsidlnt iv th Standhard lie comny an thfn theres th dlvvle to pay Its been a dull summer sum-mer annyhow an people arre lookin fr n change an a little dlvarslon an somebody who doesnt raymimber what happened to th last man that led a crusade again vice gels up an says he This here city is a verylable Sodom an It must be cleaned out an Ivry body takes a broom at it Th churches 1 appints comities an so does th stock exchange an th Brewers society an I afther awhile other organizations jumps Into th fray as Hogan says Witnesses is summoned befure th comity Iv th Amaljamated Union Iv Shell Wurruk ers th Sclety f r th Privlnllon Iv Good i Money lh Ancient Ordher lv End Men J th Knights iv i lh Round Table with I th sill in th centhre an Spike McGlue til1 burglar examines thim on vice they have met an what ought to be done towrd keepin th polls in nights Thin th man that objects to canary burrds in windows slhroet cars an other l I r ICes lakes a hand an ye can hear him as well as lh others Vice Is lh ony thing talked iv at th church socyables J an th mothers meetlns tis raysolved he th Insomnya Club that nows lh C t time to make a flyln wedge again th dlvvllsh hurdy gurdy an meetlns are called lQ burn th polls In lie fr not ar icslln th criminals who sell vlgllables at th top iv 1 their lungs Some wan mvinls an anti vice cocktail Lectures Is delivered to n small bodies iv preachers on how to detect vice so that no wan can palm off counterfeit vice on thim an make thim think lis good Th polls becomes acllve an whin th polls is ac Live tis a good time fr r dacint men to wear marredge Qcrtyficaies outside t iv their colts IIan ouR monslhcrs is nailed in th act iv I hlslin In a shell iv beer In a German garden husbands I walls In th polls station to be rready to ball oQt Ihelr > wives whin theyre or c rcstecLfr shoppin afthcr 4 oclock an 1 theres more joy over Vay wan sinner Iay lurncx tq th station thin fr ninety an nine thaUve rayformed I Tit boss crusader Is havln th time y his liCe all th while His pitcher is in I th papers ivry morn In an his ser mons 16 a ndlrccthr Iv uT places amuse ment Tie says to h1i11811f 1 am Im proyin th wurruld an me name wn go down to th glncratlons as th great est vice burner lv 11 Ui clnchry Whin I set through they wont be enough I crime IQfI In this clcy lo amUse a sllu anger fijm Hann bal Mlbsoury fr twlnly mlnylls he says Thats where lies wrong Aflhcr awhile people gels tired iv Ui pastime c They want some whore to go nights JMost people aint vicious HlmilfMjy an It takes vice to hunt vice > TJint accountsTr polhmien R Besides th horse show or th football games or something else excltln di varts their altintlon an wan day th ° boss crusader finds that hes alone in Sodom Vice aint so bad afther all I notice business was betthcr whin twas lampant says wan larid Sure yeio light says another I havent cold a single pink > still since l1mfrrmn man Mark J closcllth th faro games says he Th f theaytre business aint what it was J whit they wan more vice says an other ThIg alpt > no Connecticut vil lage he says So tis no use Ihryln to lnljirajooco iloomo fury y IcglHlallon In I this Impeeryal l American city lie says y Whoie people come piusoocd be th short Iff fim Ivry cpiiicr JY Ih wur ruld ho says yc cant make laws fr thin contmunit that wud suit a New England vlllugV Ijq hays f whore he sari lh ppoplo rli too civilized to be immoral he nays Vjcc Vice he payjj goes a long nay towrd l mahln life bearable he aUys A little vice Ifi now an thin isrelished be th best Iv I I menJm says Whos this Parker annyhow intherferln with th liberty h I th indlvldooal an he says makln It hard to rent houses on lh side slhrcets he says I bet yo if ye In vIsLlgalo yoll find Unit hes no betthcr thin he shud bo hlmsllf he says An th best Parkers gets out Iv It Is to be able to escape frm town In a wig an false whiskers Thin th captain Iv th polls thata been a splndln his vacation vaca-tion In th diathrlct where a man has to be a Rocky mountain sheep to he a pollaman returns to his old place puts up his hat on th rack an says Gar rllyif annybody calls ye can loll him to put It In nn envelope an leave it in mo box An 1C yeve got a good man handy I winht yed alnd him over an have him punch tit bishops head Ills grnco is geltin too gay An there ye arre Ilinnlssy Th crusade Is over an vice la rampant agin Im afraid mo laad that th rinds iv icels too athrong In this wurruld Iv Bin fr thp rinds lv I vaiclmo Th good man the crusader ony wur rules at lh crusado wanst five years an only whin he has time to spare frm his other dootlca Tla a pastime fr him But th deflnse lv vice ia a business busi-ness with th other laad an ho nails away at It week days an Sundays holy days an llBh days mornin noon an night They ought to hang some Iv thim polIytlclanH laid Mr Hcnncssy angrily an-grily Well GRid Mr Doolcy T dont know I dont cxpict lo gather calla llllics In Hogans turnip palch Why shud I explct pick bunches Jy spotless statesmen frm lh gradooallon class Iv I Hi house iv c rreclion |