Show lIlt DOOLEY ON TilE I q AMERICAN ST AfEo I l Ive never been much iv a hand fr th theatre said Mr Dooley Whit I was a young man an Crosbys opry house was rrunnln I used to go down I wanst In a while an sec Jawn Dillon i I throwln things around fr th amuse I mint Iv th pop lace an whin Shakes pere was played I often had a scat In th1 galry not because I liked th actin dye mind but because Id often heerd me frlnd Hogan speak iv Shakespere lie was a good man that Shakespere but his pieces is full Iv I 0IgoS8 that I heerd whin I was a boy Th throuble with me about goln to plays is that no matthcr where I set I cud see some hired man in his shirt sleeves argyln I with wan iv his frill is about a dogfight dog-fight while Romeo was makin th kind iv love ye wuddcnt want yeer daughter I daugh-ter to hear to Juliet In th little burrd cage they calls t balcony I mustve been because I wanst knowed L man beth be-th name Iv Gallagher that was a scene painter that I cud niver get mcsllf to th1 pint Iv concedln that th mountain that other people agreed was many miles In th distance was In no danger iv bean rubbed oft lh map be i th coattails coat-tails Iv wan Jv tit principal ohurack ters An I always had me watch out mt to time th moon whin twas shoved I acrost th sky an th record breakln iv day in th robbers cave where th robbers dont dare fr to shtcp on n rock fr fear theyll cave It In J day iver broke on th level th way It does on th stage twud tear th bastin threads out iv what Ilogan calls th firmymlnt Hogan says I havent got th dhramatic delusion an he must be rrlghl fr ye cant make me believe that twenty years has elapsed whin I know that Ive ony had time to pass duce th time iv day with th bartindcr aiex Plays Is upside down Hlnnlssy an Inside out They begin with a full statemint iv whats goin to happen an how Its goln to come out an thin yere asked to frglt what ye heerd an be surprised be th outcome I always al-ways feel like goln to th box office an getlin me money or me lithograph pass back afthcr th first act Th way to write plays is fr to take a book an write It over hlndend foremost Theyre pultin all books on th stage nowadays Foxs Book iv Martyrs has been done into u three act farce comedy an II be projooccd be Delia Fox th author nex summer sum-mer Websters Onabrldge Ditchnry will be brought put as a society dhrama with eight hundhred thousan characklers Th Constitution Iv th United States a farce be WHluin McKinley Mc-Kinley is rrunnin to packed houses with th cillybraled Ihradeejan Aggy naldo as th villlan In th sixteenth scene In tho last act theyse a naygct lynchln James I Wilson th author Iv Siloan Ensilage a story fr boys Is dhramatlzln his cljbra tetI wurruk an will follow It witha dluaniatic version ver-sion Iv Sugar Beet Culture a farm I play Th Familiar Lies iv LI Hung CjtangISex I > Icier JtSt ltt provinces an Hostellers Alamnac has all dates filled I undherstand th I Bible 11 be rready fr th stage undhcr th direction iv Einstein an Opperman befure th first iv th year Some changes has been niclssry fr to I adopt it to stage purposes I see be th paapers Th authors has become con J vinced that Adam an Eve must be I carrld through th whole play So I they have considerably lessened th time between th creation an th flood an have made Adam an English nobleman noble-man with a shady past an th DIvvlc a Frrlnch count in love with Eve Theyre rescued be Noah th faithful boatman who has a comic naygur son I see be th paaper th stage Is goin i to ili dogs what with Its Sapphos an I th like Iv that said Mr Hennessj Well it Isnt what It used to be said I Mr Dooley In th days whin twas th purpose Iv th hero to save th honest I girl frm th clutches iv th villain in time to go out with him an have a sh6ll Iv beer at th Dutchmans downstairs down-stairs In th plays nowadays th hero Is more iv a villain thin th villain himself him-self lies th sort Iv a man that we used to heave pavin sthones at whin he came out iv th stage duce Iv th I Halslcd sthreet opryhouse To be a hero yeve first got to be an Englishman I English-man an as if that wasnt bad enough yeve got to have committed as mann crimes as th late H H Holmes I hed been born In England hed be a hero Ye marry n woman who swears an dhrInks an bets on th races an ye quarrel with her Th rest Iv th play Js made up Iv hard cracks be all th characktcls at each others morals This is called repartee be lh lamed an Hogan Repartee is where I say Ye stole a horse an ye say But think Iv yeer wife In Arrchey rroad tis called disordIy conduct Theyse another an-other play on where a man rruns off with a woman thats no betther thin she ought to be He hates her an she marries a burglar Another wan is about a lady that ales dllner with a German lie bites her an1 she hits him with a cabbage Thin lhcyjse a play about an English gIntleman Iv 1 th ol school who thries to make a girl write a letter fr him an If she dont hell tell op her He doesnt tell an so hes rewarded re-warded be marryln th heroine an honest English girl out fr th money Nobodys marrid in th modhern play IIinni sy an thats a good tiling too fr army wan that got marrid wud have th worst iv it In th ol times th laads that announces whats goin to happen In th first act alwaysprom ised ye a happy marrcdge In th end an ns iverybodys lookln fr a happy manedge that held lh aujeence Now yo know that th hero with th wretched past Is goin to elope with th dhrunken lady an lh play Is goin to end with th couples prettily divoorccd In th ccnthre iv th stage Tis called real life an mebbe thats what It is but fr me I dont want Co see real life on th Stage I can see that anny day What I want Is fr th1 spotless gintleman lo saw th laad with th cigareet Into two befours an marry th lady that doesnt dhrlnk much while th aujcenoc is putlln on their coats Why dont they play Shakespere anny more Mr Henncssy asked T understand said Mr Dooley lJhatx theyre goin to dhramatlxo ShaKcsperc whin th dhramatizer gets through with th Report Iv I th Intcer yor Department fr 18991900 Copyright Copy-right 1900 by R II Russell |