Show i THE REFLECTIONS IU 01 ur A KNOCKER ON INAUGURATION A r rBY v BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS wv 11 I ELL by thunder ejaculated the Knocker as ho he h W read the newspaper ac accounts accounts accounts counts of the tion at t Washington If Il that the limit Aft After A After t ter er all aU the advertising this thib great spectacle has had all the circus poster booming Dooming and press agent howling Its turned turn cd out to be just the same old show that weve had on previous occasions ns the same solemn sol old function with not nota a startling Innovation nor a taking in from rom beginning to end Hanged If 11 I dont think the American have been b n again What is gnawing at your vitals this time Knocker grinned the genial Mr lr the Ameri Amen American AmerIcan can an people this time The rhe managers of the Inauguration who said sald the Knocker Bar I old woolly horse in it with the game they the put up up P there thereat at Washington yesterday ye Its like the theold theold theold I old circus days when the bill posters outside the tent showed you a picture i of ot a small ball holding an elephant at arms length by his tall tail while his little sister Ister fed the beast with peanuts standing stand standing ing In on the boys other hand When you got inside there was the boy bo and the th girl and the h peanut but the elephant had l d been overlooked vel and left behind behin l when the show left the last town I ex peet at things from rom this inauguration tion of oC Theodore Roosevelt Roo evelt and Ive been saving up my in theatre money mone over since sines lit l t election to go down to Wash Washington Washington ington in ton and acid see it but Jut by Jingo now that Hiat its ita it over Im glad I spent pent the cash cashon on a Set of Henry James works in instead instead stead a darn sight more spec spectacular spectacular spectacular and snappy than the Inauguration tion non was uras What Whar vl on on earth did you expect demanded de demanded demanded Rod face A riot No said the Knocker UA A triumph What the dickens have we all been talking about bout for the past six months but you OU yourself spoken ot or the Hie senate In chains the speaker being whipped into line lime lIn ana ann congress afraid to say its soul was its own you Ou observe right here only last week that the president had the supreme court by the throat and that the cabinet trembled like an aspen leaf leat every ever time Mr Roosevelt looked at it itI I 1 did but what of it Itt asked the Knocker I you say that Fairbanks never entered the presidents office except upon all fours that John Hay Ha backed out of his hig presence Instead of or walking out with a straight front after the fash fashIon fashIon fashion Ion of the true Yankee and that the Roosevelt Roosavelt Roos elt yoke was galling the necks of John D Rockefeller J P Morgan and the rest of the money kings wrose than the yoke of Pharoah galled the necks of the children of Israel Those Thos were cre your Our very words and spoken in the solemn presence of two tu tw t Scotch highballs three gin and andone an anone andone one absinthe frappe a combination be before before before fore which no man could perjure him himself himself himself self and live ne said the Knocker I Admitted retorted But ButI I repeat what of it itI ItI itI I looked for fOI some tome symptoms of the th truth of your om remarks in this inauguration In im tion what of oC it replied the Knocker I and not a minute suggestion of anything of the kind occurred any anywhere anywhere where in the whole ceremony you ou libel lIbet libellous libellous lous old fraud fr d you ou Did the president wear a 3 hold gold old crown as you have been foretelling for months Not a sign of it just a plain every everyday ever everyday day ordinary stovepipe hat was good goodenough goodenough enough for him Where was the thc im imperial imperial t purple toga you ou children of Fear have been b prophesying for Not Noton Noton Noton on the bock back ba 1 of Theodore Roosevelt my mybo boy bo Packed aw away ay in camphor balls bans in the White House attic maybe maybe hidden bidden behind the Dinosaur in the Smithsonian n institution perhaps filed file away aw yin In a dusty pigeon hole with the constitution con possibly but not worn by the president president president dent you ou gossip A simple unadorned y frock goat coat sir was what hat the I president did wear without t even a gold button or a n bit of ot sliver silver embroidery down the front no nor a lot of plush j pages to carry the tails taUs of it either as the president mounted th the rostrum to make his inaugural address By fudge When V en I think of I the lies es you have hae been telling lately about what vb t this Inauguration tion was to be I almost wish we had hadan hadan hadan an emperor for a little while to chuck you chaps into jail for lese majeste nose was burled buried in a tall tail glass at the moment and In consequence he made no retort Noting his disability ity the Knocker continued Who was it said that a part of the ceremony he resumed w was as to be bethe bethe bethe the formal burning of the constitution I before the assembled multitude in front frontI of the capitol Nothing of the kind I happened to the surprise and disappointment disappoIntment disappointment of tens of thousands of peo people people pIe Who was It said the president would be sworn in on a copy COP of The fhe Simple Life instead of on the good book The event has proven him a malicious slanderer And what of the parade Do Di you Ou know what wh t I expected to see ee in that parade after listening to you for Cora a month of Sundays Sund s Yes you expected to see ef the president president president dent dressed up like Lohengrin speeding speed speeding speeding ing down Pennsylvania the capitol on en n a charger fol followed followed followed lowed by a comi comic opera chorus singing a paean of victory growled No o I saId the t e Knocker I expected ted to see a triumphal entry into the city In the front was to be the whole army In full regalia Following this I looked for a platoon of presidents of all aU the South American Amerl nr republics p bUes In chains driven by John Hay After them I looked for tor twenty leading Fili FiU Filipinos pInos ninos bared bare to the waist alst and nd being whipped through tho th streets by Secre Secretary Secretary Secretary tary Taft Tart Next I expected to see old Cortelyou coming aHng along leading Mor Morgan Morgan gan Rockefeller Carnegie and Armour of the beef trust by chains fastened to rings in their noses Fourth in line led by Pennypacker of Pennsylvania I expected to observe all al the Democrat Democratic ic editors in the lard la d wearing muzzles and their theil hands tied behind their backs back Following them handcuffed together I and walking barefoot through the snow I judged we should hould find the sen senators senators senators of the United States the shoulders shoulders ders of each branded with the initials T R and each one gagged with a printed copy of or his own speech on the rights of the senate all except Ben Tillman who vho ho w was as to be compelled to ride to the function n In a buggy alongside of oC Booker Washington Then I looked for the house of representatives walking back backward backward backward ward and strewing lowers flowers in the path of the president himself clad in the gar garments garments garments ments of a Caesar and riding four horses at once practically th the thing you chaps p have been ever since Edward Atkinson and Irving Winslow and the New York Evening Post formed themselves into a commit committee tee of or safety at the beginning of the war Why the way wa you talked it have surprised me if Ir the president had had the navy mounted on wheels and used as the tail tall end of the inaugural parade and now what is the real truth None of these things thin s happened at all The thing went off simply solemnly and with all the honest dignity befitting the ceremony of inducting a president into office Not Nota a clanking chain nor a wail of pf Q despair was heard in the whole outfit whey They even dress Chauncey Depew up in cap and bells beUs so simply was every everything ee everything thing conducted The senate the house of o representatives and the supreme preme s court furt c were allowed the largest liberties Morgan and Rockefeller Roc Ree eteller and the rest even questioned by the police all day long and as for the constitution tion so far from being burned It t was treated like an honored guest and con conspicuously conspicuously mentioned in all the ac accounts i counts I have seen seeh se h as among those tho e c present I tell you ou its time Um you ou took to the woods Your prophecies of r f evil eil have come to tl naught and b by y t e jumping beeswax be aa the people are on to you i Oh well wait and see said Red face got swelled heads down there at Washington all right Ull come out sooner or later Well Wen retorted the Knocker its Us better to have had a head swelled than never neer to have had a head at all aa Simeon take the orders Were all go going goIng going ing to get heads to celebrate the in inauguration Inauguration inauguration of Theodore Roosevelt Copyright Copy right 1905 by b K H Holmes |