Show PECKS BAD BOY ABROAD The Bad Boy and His Dad Go to t Russia to Stop the War WarBY WarBY BY GEORGE W PECK PEAK i 1 T PETERSBURG Rus Russia sia My Dear Gro S Well WeB sirI sir 11 I 1 spose you ou will be sur surprised surprised surprised t to hear from mein me mein in Russia but there was no use talking when Ahen t Dad Dud said he was as going to St t Petersburg P if it was the last 1 Ret Act t of his life Ife He got talking with witha a n in Rome and the Jap Tap said the war in the far east would last un until until i iJ J til every Russian was killed unless 1 America interfered to put a stop to ton at St and as Roosevelt appear to have sand enough to offer his services to 10 the czar what It needed was for fori i some representative American citizen who was brave and had nerve to go goto goto goto to St Petersburg and see the Itch and give him the benefit of a good American talk The Jap Tap said the American who brought about peace by byn n few well chosen remarks would be bethe bethe the thc greatest man of the century and would live Jive to be bowed down to by kings and emperors and all the tho world would doff hats to him himAt himAt himAt At first dad was a little l hoary lary ary about going on such a mission without cre credentials creel el from Washington but as luck r would have it he met an exiled eo ned Rus piau Fian at a restaurant who told dad that lie 11 reminded him of General Grant be I hh R o 1 1 l r I Told Dad That Nicholas Just Doted on Americans cause rause dad had a wart oil on the side of Ins his nose and he told dad that Russia I would keep on fighting until every eer Japanese was killed unless some dis distinguished distinguished distinguished 1 American should be raised up who deemed it his duty to go to toS toS tob S b Petersburg and see the Little Fath Father 1 er cr and in the interest of humanity ad advise adVise w 4 vise the czar to call a halt before he i i irace had exterminated the th whole yellow sellow race rate Dad asked the Russian if he thought the czar would grant an au audience audI dI nce to an American of oC eminence in t hIs own country and the Russian told I Idad idad dad that Nicholas just doted on Amer Americans I 1 ans and that there was hardly ever everan everan everan an American ballet dancer that went to Russia but what the czar sent for forber her ber to come and see sec him and dance dan e before the grand dukes and he always gave them Jewels and cans of caviar J as souvenirs of ot their visit t Dad thought it over overall all night and the next morning we started for Rus ela eta and I wish we had joined an ex expedition edition to discover the North Pole Polol i instead of coming here Say it il Is 15 harder border to get into Russia than it would f i It s be to get out of a penitentiary at home At the frontier we were met by b guards on horseback and on foot policemen detectives and other graft J ers ern who ho took our passports and money mone and one fellow made me exchange my socks with him Then they the us in a stable with some cows until they thoy could hold a coroners in quest on our passports and divide our money mone We slept with the cows the first night in Russia and I do not want to sleep again with animals that chew cuds all night and get up half a dozen times to hump up their backs and arid stretch and bellow We never slept a wink and could look out through the cracks in the stable and see the guards shaking dice for our money Finally Finall they looked l at the great seal on our passports and saw it was an American document and they began to turn pale as pale as a Russian can get without using soar soap soa and when I said Washington minister plenipotentiary Roosevelt Hot Time Timo in the Old Town Tonight E B Pluribus Unum San Juan Hill and ane pointed p to dad who nho was just coming out of the stable looking like Wash Tush ington at fit Valley Forge the guards and other robbers bowed to dad dud gae gave him a t bas bag full of Russian money in place pines of that which hick they the had taken away and l let t us Ug take a freight train trainor for or St Petersburg and they must have j i told the trainmen who we w were be bt cau everybody on the cars took oft off their hats to us and divided their lunch with us Dad could not understand the change in the attitude of the people toward us until I told him that they the took him hint for foi a distinguished American statesman states statesman statesman man and that as long as we were In l Russia he must try to look like lUte George I Washington and act like Theodore Roosevelt so every little while dad I would mould stand up in the aisle of the car carand carand carand and pose like George Washington and I when anybody an bod gave him a sandwich or a cigarette he would show his teeth and say and all the way to St Petersburg dad carried parried out his part of the and we were not net robbed once on the trip but dad tried to smoke on of the cigarettes that was as given him by a Cossack and hr h died In my arms aims pretty near n ar arThey They make cigarettes out of baled hay that has been used for beddings and covered with paper papal that has been used to poison polson flies fUes I J never smelled anything so bad since they the fumigated our house by b the board of health after I the Ule hired girl had smallpox I Well ell iv we e got to St Petersburg in an I awful time and went to a eo hotel suspected sus suspected by br the police and marked as undesirable guests by b the Cossacks and winked at by the walking dele delegates delegates gates gatts and strikers who lo thought w we wew e wre w Te nonunion men looking for their jobs job The rhe next day da the religious ceremony of ot blessing the Neva took place where all the population gets Jets out on the bank of the river with overshoes on and fur coats and looks down on the river covered with Ice four feet thick and the river is blessed In our country the people would damn a river that has ice four feet thick but in Russia they bless anything that will stand it We are got a good place on the bank of the river T yer with ith about a million people who had sheepskin coats on and who riho ho steamed like a sheep ranch ran h were enjoying enjo th performance e occasionally at the Winter poi pal ace where the czar was w as peeking I out of If a window wondering from which direction a bomb would come to blow him up when a a battery of artillery the river started to fire a sa sat saw t I w I l Ill I b r h o I I I I I 1 T I I h hI 1 f t I Shaking Dice For Our Money lute and then the devil was to pay It seems that the this gentlemen who handled and who were sup supposed supposed supposed posed to fire lire blank cartridges into the pUb put fn In loaded cartridges filled with ith grape shot and took aim at the Winter Vinter palace and cut loose at Mr Ir Czar r f t a 1 e And Lashed Him Over the Back BackWell BackWell BackWell Well you would shave have ave been paralyzed par paralyzed 1 to see the change that cams came Byer yer er that th t crowd blessing ble 1 the th ri er one o minute and damning dan the th czar n I grand dukes tho the next The shot went into the Winter Vinter palace and tore the furniture and ripped up the ceiling of the room the czar was in and in a moment all was chaos as though every overy Russian knew the czar was to be as assassinated ass assassinated s at that particular moment and all rushed toward the Winter pal palace palace palace ace as though they expected pieces of the Little Father out the window for them Ho Ito to play football with rIth For a people who are supposed to be lawful and and who love Jove their rulers it seemed strange to 10 see them all an so 30 tickled when hen they th y thought he was blown higher than a kite by b his own soldiers Dad and I started with the croWd croft d for forthe or orth the th Winter palace and then we had hadJ a aa taste of monarchial go government eminent The crowd was rushing aver us and dad got jot mad and pulled off his hig coat and said he be could whip any confounded foreign foreigner er that rubbed against him with a sheepskin coat on and he was just on j I Ithe the point of smiting a fellow ellow with while whis hors kers that looked like scrambled bristles brIstle j joff off a black dog when a regiment of af Cossacks C came dow down n on the crow crowd crow d rid r d ding 1 ing F horses like Jike a wild west short V and with whips in their hands with a dozen lathes lashes to each whip and they began to lash the crowd and ride over them while t he people covered their faces face with their arms and ran away a wa afraid of the whips which cut and wound wouna and kill as each lash has little lead bullets fastened to them and a stroke of the whip is like being shot with buckshot or ticked Kicked with a frozen boot bootWell bootWell Well Vell sir dad was going to show the Cossacks that he was pretty near an ar American citizen and propose to be w whipped hipped d like a schoolboy by a teacher that locked like a valentine ntine so he tried to look like George Washing ton defying the British but It work for a Cossack rode right up to him and lashed him over the back and an about ab ut fifteen buckshot In his whip took dad right where the pants are tight when you ou bend over to pick lck up some something something thing and the Cossack laughed when dad straightened up and started to run I never saw such a a change in a man manas as there was In dad He H started for Cor our hotel h tel and as good a sprinter sprint r as I am 1 11 keep up with him but b t I kept Mrs and Miss McEvoy of him in sight Before we got to the hotel a sledge came ca e along not art old sledge such as you play with cards but a sort of a sleigh with three horses abreast and I yelled to dad to take a hitch on the sledge and he grabbed on 01 with his feet on the runners and a man in the sledge with a uniform on who seemed to be bea bea bea a a grand duke cause everybody was as chasing him and yelling to head him himoff himoff off hit dad in the nose with the butt of ofa ofa a revolver and dad fell tell ort oft Inthe snow and the crowd that was chasing ch the grand duke picked dad da up i J him on their shoulders because b c they thought th lie he had tried to assassinate te the t tI I duke and we were escorted to to our hotel by the strikers We 0 know what they the were but you ou can tell the laboring men here be because because because I cause they wear blouses and look hun hungry hungry gry gr y and when they left us the landlord notified the police pollee that suspicious char characters chara characters a were at the hotel and came carne there escorted by the mob and arid the po police lice surrounded the house and dad daden went en t to our room and used witch hazel i ion on himself where the Cossack hit him with the loaded whip He says Russia will pay pretty dear for that stroke of the whip hip by the Cossack and I think dad is going to join the revolution that I t ig going to be pulled p lIed off next Sunday The rIte are going to get about a mil million million lion fon men to take a petition to the czar en and 2nd anarchists and dad says he is going as an American anarchist who Aho is smarting from injustice Injustice injustice tice and I guess no native is smart smarting ing ng more than did is cause he h has to stand up to eat cat and lie on his mick to sleep sheep There is going to be a hades of a P time here in St Petersburg this next week and dad and I are ar go goIng going Ing to be in It clear up to our necks Dad has given ghen up trying to see the czar about stopping slopping the war and says sa s the czar and the whole bunch can go plum to the devil and he will die with I the mob and follow a priest who ho Is Isi i stirring the tIlE people to revolt I Gee I J hope dad will not get killed I here her and Ul be burled buried in a trench with a ar r thousand Russians smelling as they do Go doI GoI I met a young oung man from Chicago who is i here selling reapers for the harvester trust and he says if you are once sus suspected suspect suspected d of having haing sympathy with the working people who nho are on a strike you rou might just as well wen say your jour our prayers pra ers and take rough on rats cause the Cossacks will get you ou and he would advise adise me mc and dad to get out of here pretty prett quick but when I told dad about abo t it he put one hand on his heart and d the other on his pants and said Arnica arnica arnica and the po police police lice hee that were on guard near his room thought he meant anarchy and they sent four our detectives to stay in dads room The people here the Chicago young oun man man told me m think the Cossacks are aie human hyenas that they the have had their hearts removed by b a surgical operation op operation operation when young oung and a piece of or gizzard put in in place of the heart and that they the are ire natural murderers the sight of blood acting on them the same ame as champagne on a human being and that but for f r the Cossack Russia would uld have a population of loving sub subjects subjects subjects that would make it safe for tor the Little Father to go anywhere In Russia unattended un but with Cossacks ready to whip and murder and laugh at cut suf suffering fering the people are becoming like Uk men men bitten itten b by rabid dogs and th they the mouth and have bave spasms I andr terry bombs lip p their sleeves sIe s I ready to blowup blow un the members of othe the e et t 1 r royal roal family and there you arc are If you do not hear hoar from me next Sunday you Jou can put dads obituary obituary ary ar and mine in the local papers and say sa we died of an overdose of Cossack I Ii Ir we get through this revolution alive live you will hear from me bat bitt this Is the thelast t thelast e last revolution I nm am doing to attend Yours HENNERY Copyright 1805 1905 by Joseph JO eph B Bowles Boyles |