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Show ANSWERING AN ADVERTISE MEflT. (BY JLS1E HJTERS.) It wai in the spring ot '75, that tl trd appeared iu the Bait Lake an advertisement, which, quoting from memory, read ai follows: fol-lows: WANTED: A yourg man of prs-posst'sing prs-posst'sing appearance, wall educated, wealthy, and of somewhat fastidious tastes, wishes to f Tin tha acquaintance-of acquaintance-of sorao young tady, with similar quantisations quan-tisations as to education and refinement, by opening a enrrojpondeuca, with a view to mutunl improveinont and perhaps matrimony. Address Barnard Deuboise, Salt Lake City. That issue, in due course of mail, arrived at Beaver as at other destinations; destina-tions; and the advertisement caught the quick eye of Bessie patdon ua if we do not give proper namei one of three iworn friends, and ae merry romping school girli as ever tormented tor-mented a teacher out of his wits. She read it twice, and her eyea fairly danced with suppressed merriment. Slily folding the piper and puitiug it in her pocket, she an kid iier mother very demurely if iuj wimiJ require her services lor a few hours. Receiving a negative answer, siie quiokly donned coat, hat and gloves, and might have been Eeen hurrying across town ia the direction ol the residences of her confederates, and abettors in peace and war. Ids turee quickly retired to the private sanctum of tho first lieutenant, Grace, and there opened a solemn meeting according ac-cording to the rules ot parliament, and also those oi tho secrst order to which they belonged, and to which none but tbemselvas had been iuiti-. iuiti-. atfd. Hassie laid the important nmt' ter bofore the meeting; and the subject sub-ject whs discuised at length, Mary fairly growing eloquentover Bernard1! sublime conceit. The result of the conference will be found iu the following follow-ing resolution, which was written in the secret records of tbe mysterious order under the copied advertisement: Whereas, Bernard Dauboise, tnoafore-Dientioned tnoafore-Dientioned individual, whose Diinie appears ap-pears at the head ef this page, has by his own wordfl proven hiuisolf to bo a conceited con-ceited puppy, and unfavorable to woman's wo-man's rights; Resolved, that wo of tha Grand Order of and co-editors of the Frog Town Stupefler, ittBolemn meeting assembled, taku up the gauntlet ho has thrown down, i and pledge ourselves, our fortunes and ! lives, to tho conquering of tbh most ! formidable foa. Wo do hereby declare i aim to bo a common enemy, wobo bump of solf eateom is prodigious. No quarter! . To which we do set our hasds, this 25th day of April, 1875, and affix tho grand bobI of the order of . Bessie, Grace, Mart. They then flat down and composed a delicate missive, worded with er treme caution, written on tinted paper, and sealed with a wbita moss rose, and addressed it to Bernard. They signed it Klsje Rivers. The meeting then adjourned, and went to mail the letter. Ii -d they bad been in forming tir resolutions, tbey passed the pout office three times before they could muster sufficient courage to mail the note, but once mailed, their courage returned and they counted the days that must elapse before they could receive an answer. Some time had passed when Beaiie was nearly frightened out of her senseB by tbe entrance of Grace and Mary with such conscious and important impor-tant faoes, and illy concealed excite-1 ment, that she knew tbey had something some-thing particular to eommunicate; and was afraid her mother would also notice their Btrange behavior, as they persisted in passing seoretsigns whenever when-ever her back was turned. 8ba well knew that to he suspected, is to be i detected, and that, should her mother, by any mis-chance find out what had been done, there would be a rebellion in tbe family that would be anything but pleasant for her; so making some paltry excuse she got the giris into her room. Once there and tbe door locked they both exclaimed in a breath, "We've got it." The meeting meet-ing was opened and Bessie duly appointed ap-pointed to read the all important missive. They sat in a triangle on the floor, Mary and Grace examining the enclosed photograph while the letter waa read aloud, amidst exclamations, ex-clamations, gaops of astonishment and smothered laughter. Tho contents con-tents and its atlect upon them, wilt be readily understood by tho following note Irom the same page of their secret records as the resolution which we have already copied: May 2d Sent out a skirmisher; received re-ceived a most flattering and to tbe cause promising reply. Writes a superb hand. The anclssed photo is very handsome. Ilav resolved that it ii not bib, but doe.J credit to bis tate: proves ho knows a handsome man whon he eoe-i one. It is war to the knife. The next letter contained a very neat little poem on the picture, which cost their combined order several hours' hard work to compose; and the likeneaa of a handsome largo brunette, for which they paid fifty oenU. Both were duly commented on and appreciated by return ot mail, and tbo correspondence was kept up witn unabated interest for several months, groing with each mail more and more li-vclike. At last came tbe letter of all letters, a proposal of marriage, and an original poem, to the effect that haviDg found bis own soul'i counterpart m her, earth bad become a paradise. Their 'n'tire home, should be a hr.tvnn We here copy their rpply, as wrh tu lie note added on this occasion to t'je'r records. Kote. AuK'i-t 19th, 1S75. It hxs b?p resolved thtl wc give Bernard cr-nlit f t judgment and peuoiration, aj bee j me a g.tierous fje BZ.VER, A UU3t "OlIi, lS.i. Dear Bernard: With joy unspeakable I received vnur letter, scircaly realizing how I have louriiL-d to live ui'on tne won ycu"-hand ycu"-hand pais, unmindful of the furl that it forming your acquaintance I oversLej p L'i the bounds Drscritei by fociety, and lhat you, al hiugb. perhnpi, not fully realized evon by yourself, despise ute fo iha act. B-m ard, believe me wh -n 1 te 1 y. u thst I le't drawn by a power 1 C'luld no morn ei plain than resist, to answer you- I nt--d not say I love you; or that my lif will be a dtsert without you. Your own toul t hall answer taat; but how can I soy es to such a proposition, proposi-tion, and thos confess to my dear, and indulgent partiuU, whom 1 never before deceived in the most trivial matter, that 1 have deceived them so gronly? The thought of your being lost to me forever is BKony: yet yur Ittter forces m to an alternative. Bernard, duar Bernard, were we not happy before you wrote this? Then recall thu words and let us forget tht-y were ever ppoken. Do not think 1 am inaentible to tbe honor you would confer upon me: but the dream has been so sweet and perfect, 1 Tain would a little longer dream. Aly Bernaad, the lady moon is rising, faultless jewel In the diadem of night, 1 envy her, for she can see thy face, and hear thy voice, and i;u ira my iaoe, sou uear my voicb, uuu 1 may never; but come what may, remember, re-member, Thofe who truly, purely love on earth, Shall dwell in bliss in paradise. Yours and yours only, Kusit ItiviRS. They congratulated themselves tbat tbey had settled the matter for some time to come, by the plan they had purtued and tbe promptness and energy with which they had executed it; discoursed at length man's inferiority, in-feriority, and the lordly airs he agsiimt; and agreed contrary to Byron, tbat the mystery of all myateries, waa how man had gained the supremacy and retained it so -long, over their superiors, and resolved re-solved to etraighten the matter when thpy got to be president of these United Stales, which they intend to accomplish without the aid of any man. Adjourned. Their next meeting was a scene of confusion; the celebrated editors gazed with consternation into each other's faces. A dead silence reigned aii Bessie in a voice of horror, read the letter we had received, in answer to tbe one we have iust auoted. Salt Laki OlTT, August SOlb, 1878. DcareU Elsie: 1 am painod and surprised beyond conception at your reply. Despise youl Darling, had my heart boat but once untrue to you, 1 would tear it out and Liitt, it bleeding and wiithirg at jnur feet, and deem the punishment inadequate to thw crime. 1 Cut t-:o well know you are superior to your race and sex, and 1 almwst wondec at my own presumpliea in m&king such a proposal; but I certainly cer-tainly expected a -more encouraging answer. Tho paradise you picturo is very beautiful, but 1 am only mortal and would rather have my paradise oa earth. I shall follow this letter directly to Beaver and do all that an honorable man c.,n to win from your parents respect forme, and censent to our union. My darling, I would place my honor in your hands, confer my honorable name upon you, give my happiness up to your keeping, &nd in return 1 make one small isqueat. Gruut me one private inter- I view. Drop a note in the Beaver post-oflice post-oflice to tell me when and whore you I will meet mo and howl ara to know you. Otherwise I shall cull at your residence, taking it for granted that will plcftio you best. Bjcritaxd Deuboise. When she had finished the letter she exclaimed. "Tho conceited wretch! Ho means to call at the house if wo do not meet him." "What will your mother eayT" said Mary in a tone of utter hopeless-j hopeless-j ness. "One of us must meet him," said Grace. "Which one looks like tbe picture we sent him, I would like to know?" asked Bessie spitefully. "X wish we had never written to k!m at all " aai LfarTr hanlnninn In him at all," eaid Mary, beginning to cry. "Crying will not mend the matter. The only thing I regret is telling him where Bessie lived, hor mother ia so very strict, and;" "Stop," B&id Bessie, "that is not the question. If you will stop crying, Mary, and assist Grace and X it will be some pleaeanter for ue in the future. It ia evident he is in earnest. Let me see the date of his letter. GoodnesBl girls, be will be here tomorrow." to-morrow." All parliamentary rules were for gotten in tbe earnest discussion which euBued. At the end of an hour tbe clouds had passed from their faces, aud Grace waa writing at Bessie' dictation, a note to the efloot that EiBie Elvers would meet her lover Bernard Deuboise, in consideration of his earnest request, ona street east of the hotel, at eight o'clock, September Septem-ber 2nd. "There is only one objection I have to this plan," said Grace, with a shako of her head, "and tbat is, calling on a man for assistance. Iu not living up to the rules and privaleges of our grand order." "It is hardly the proper thing," admitted Bessie, "but he is my brother, and only eiiteen years old." "But he's notour brothsr," chimed in Marw "hnt. il'd tha nnlv lllinp in Mary, "but it s tbe only thing we can do now," and thus the discussion dis-cussion ended; and they adjourned to meet again on tho following evening leaving it for Bessie to win her brou.-r lloy ovur to their plans, wbica she did in the way which only a woman knows how to, making him believe ho waa anxious and she gracefully p remitted him. At 7 o'clock when her con led e rales called and were admitted to her private room, they bw a aip.ht thty had never aetm before a man at tbo meeting of the grand order o) ; but ignoring the fact, they proceeded to array bun for tbe occasion. Bessie produced a dress which Roy put oq having first removed his coat and vest; and after several futile attempts succeeded in fastening. Then they wrapt und mulHed his figure iu a shawl belong to Grace, coucealed his abort hair aud brown slightly bearded r,,o.,!ha l,,.t i-oil lulnnvimr In face wilhja biU and veil belonging, to Mary. lie uied some very unparliamentary unparlia-mentary remarks during the making of his toiiei, a, "bop&d bis lover would not l.ke any undue liberties with him;" "sparo his maiden blushes," etc. Having instructed bim in tbe signal by which he ahould know his lover, they all set out for the seat of action. Armed upon tbe street tbe girls climbed inside the fence, and lioy paced slowly up and down tbe sidewalk. This particular street had been chosen because o( it retirement. No houses fronted on this street and a row of large shade trees ran along the edge of the little water sec, making it quite dark. Ihey had not waited long before tbey heard the approach of footsteps, and a whistled refrain irom tho song, , ' Meet me by m xmlight alone." Roy waved his baudkurciiief, which was the signal agieed upon. Br-Tard Br-Tard a p pr oached, pa ustJ , c! a;- p ed E.3ie Kivers to bn hret, and mur (Hired, iu words perlectly audible to uie three listener: " Darling, thi jiemeui would repny me tor the agony of years. He f can I ever ie-pay ie-pay you for your confidence nd love, tieaven has been too kind tome. My soul tells me I have at last met ray fate. Pt-rmit me to raise thit e i: -fMUS veil aod ihold thiwe ftUirrK bav learned to love 60 wed." With that lie again threw his arm around Roy, raised the veil, and bwforo be could make any resietance kiet-d i him. The tone of tender endearment endear-ment changed to a chain of red hnt oatbs as long as Irom here to San FraLcittco and back, aud the refined, fastidious Bernard knocked E'eit Rivera down, aud kicked bim into the water sec. What might bare been his fate is hard to tell, hut at that moment the girls burt-t into a chorus oi laughter, and the prepossessing Bernard took to bis heel a. The girls gallantly came to Roy's re cut. But be had bad more than he bar pained for. and tearing the clothes of he throw them as far as he could send them. The girls were unable to restrain their mirth, which only added to bis rage and mortification. He wiped tbe mud and water from his eyes, made a few very ungracious remnrks, and marched off home in hie shirt sleeves. It waa a whole week before be could laugh about it. Tho clothes he had worn were utterly ruined, and the members of tba Grand Order of were, contrary to their statutes and by-laws, obliged to tell an awlul number of warped truths to avert suspicion. Roy appointed himself a committee and went to call upon Bernard ihe next morning, but luckily tor bim he had left by the 6" o'clock stage. Roy promised ho would never again Buist ut, and X am orry to eay be has kept his word. Should this meet the ttyes of Bernard Daiboiue, X, in be hall of tbe trio, grunt bim a full and free pardon. |
