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Show ''Spiral masjinnU" in nixing in Iowa. 1 Tie way to command respect and ' plenty of room in a crowd L'arry a put of paint in each Imud. Wljy Ls Irvland likely lo twine tho rlclie.it country in the world? li.vaiise the capital U always iu-in. Why "l-a good sermon like a Li-? Do you give it up! liecauscjt only re-1 iuircs two heads and an application! "Who wjs Richard HI KTore lie was 'liimsL-lt' again?' " 'lite answer i. pla:n: lie was .soimixvlv lK-ide hiin-selK hiin-selK Whv i it that jeoplc look to 1 heir watches to sco what's o'clock, yet never look at 1 heir clock to sec what's a watcli'.' '".Mark Twain, .Jr.," writes lor a Cincinnati paper. It isapiiylliat Mark I did not devote hini-irll' t) inl'i'uttcide alter M. T, Jr's. bitih. "I do declare, Pal, yon look prclly enough to cat." "Well, Solomon, ain l 1 eating as klsl ;i 1 l;ui: iepinu rial, with her mouth full. "Mas?a Christopher Columbus was a fUcer man," said a negro orator. "A notion crowed him one day, and den he crossed an ocean." j Dr. Rcinicr, a I'Vcnch physician, says that an application of electricity to noses which have become red from Bacchic praetiees will give them their original appearance. Mrs. Woods, ol Millsburg, Holmes county, U., is driving a good business with the aid of the liquor law. rihe has recovered $!(", 000 from dealers who have sold litiior to her husband. Out nest the new synonym for retiring re-tiring is "Collating." Parents no longer admonish their children that it is "time to go to bed," but tenderly observe, ".My darling, it is time you Coll'axed." A Pennsylvania paper, in speaking of a songstress, says: "She beats caLs on high notes. There was no music or chest tone in her voice, but it was about sis octavos above the screech of a lost Indian." Mr. E. M. Skclion, who graduated at the Michigan agricultural college in 1STI, has been appointed superintendent superintend-ent of the govoruuicut agricultural farm of Japan, lie expects to sail from 1 San Prancisco April 1. "Zimmerman's Snake" is one of the Fonsations soon lo be brought out at MII.W.. Tr wna l,flrmil hu Mr. 'Am- mcrniaH, and will take part in the "serpent dance" now being rehcrsed by hissnakeship and Mile. Sassi. The vaccination style has been adopted by tho ladies of La Crosse. The sleeves arc .-lit and trimmed with pulls. The manipulation of the fair arms is thus denied to the exaspcraled doctors, who are now ripe for a strike. The Connecticut Western railroad company has begun selling mileage ticket.". A ticket costing $i; entitles the holder to travel live hundred miles, which is at the rale of two and a half cents a mite. The aclual number of miles traveled is punched by the conductor. con-ductor. A "joke" is credited to an American visitor in England. "Well, stranger," he is reported to have said, l'L guess you English juries ain't smart no how. If an American jury had tried the Tichborne case, I'll tell you what they'd have done. They'd just bought up all theTichborno bonds, and then found a verdict for tho plaintiff." |
