Show IT WAS A GUM GAXE How a Saloon Keeper Was Imposed Upon by Supposed WouldBcSnicides Sergeant mebbe I doan understand how it vhas exactly said Mr Dunder as he called at the police station the other day with a look of anxiety on his countenance counte-nance SHow was that queried the sergeant ser-geant About those suicides Vhas it my peesness i somebody suicides I Tel your story Vhell a stranger comes in my place und looks sorrowful und homesick Pooty soon he says to me I Mr Dnnder she vhas no use I make a big fight but I vhas beaten I haf made oop my mind to shuffle off some mortal coils I vhas going to die right i here and now und I like to say gootby to you who vhas always aeferbodys friend Farewell oldt man I Vhell dot scares me you know I doan like nobody to suicide in my place und haf some big pieces in der paper und so I speak softly to him und i him a glass of beer nnd feefty cents und get him oudt Der werry next day dot second man comes in undsits down und throws his hat on flooriind says Carl Dunder my vile children home und fortune vhas swept away und I doan like to live any longer Please gif me a private room in which to expire und mebbeyou vhas so goat as to sco dot my grave vhas kept green I see t said the sergeant Vhell I cant gif dot man no private room und I doan like a coroner to come around I fill him oop und git him some change und he goes avay happy He says i he dies hp vbill bless me Yhas dot like you expected Yes What else Der next day dot third man come He vhas a slim man und he vhas weeping I He goes over by a table und cries like some shildren By und by he looks oop I undsays Mr Dunder 1 vhas some wrecks on 1 dot sea of life I vhas no more use to struggle against adversity I make a coot fight but I vhas licked Please gif me some water dot I may take poison I und bid dis vorlda last adieu Do I want some dead mans lying I about mit all dose reporters rushing in to put it in der papers No I speaks to dot I man worry kindly und I pats him on der I shoulder und in ten minutes he drinks i some beer und takes feeity cents und I says he will go by his brother in Buffalo to expire Was dot right Did a fourth man come Yes und a fifth und a sixth I shust get dot sixth man oudt doors before I comu away Be vhas a fat man und it takes a quart of beer und seexty cents before be-fore he says he vill struggle some more mit dis cold worldJ Mr Dunder you have been played again J said the sergeant Vhas I tooken for greenhorns und hayseeds by dose ment Exactyt Und nobody vhas going to expire in my hous No It was a sort of a gum game Its a wonder somebody doesnt beat you out of your shirt I have talked and talked but Sergeant interrupted Mr Dunder as he sprang up I vhas going homeJ VeIt i I Pooty queek after I vhas home a man vhill come und look tired und weary und discouraged He vhill take out some white powder in a paper und say to me Mr Dander a leetle water please I cant fight dis vorld no more I vhas going go-ing to dot land vhere eafrybody vhas an angel mit vings und sings all day long Please see dot my legs vhas straightened oudt in der coffin und dot I hold a rose in my hand He vhill say dot to me Sergeant und do you know how I shall perform I vhill spring on him like an elephant I vhil catch him oop by der neck und flop him dis vhay und dot vhay around like dis and I vhill run him to dot door und kick him seventeen times mit both feet at once Dot vhas some gum games eh I vhas greenhorns vhas I You keep quiet I you hear somebody cry for mercy dont come up mit der patrol wagon You vhill know it vhas only me helping dose veary pilgrims to shuffle off dose mortal coils und become angels so queek dot doy dont haf time to say gootby Detroit FreePress |