Show TOLD ON THE QUIET Snap Shots by a Mental Camera Aided by the Shears All things come to him who waits Snake proof aluminum boots have been I tried in Florida swamps and are a success WhoP I A man stepped into the restaurant to get a light lunch according to the Boston Herald As he walked over to the counter he attracted considerable attention because one of his legs was longer than it really ought to be as the boys have it but the waiter who was very busy did not notice this The man stepped up to the counter and stood there on his short leg till the waiter came and took his order for a cup of coffee a roll and a piece of pie The waiter soon returned but during his absence the man had changed feet He was now standing up as tall a anyone any-one and after the waiter had looked around several times without seeing the person hewanted he called out Where is that little shorty who ordered or-dered this coffee mistake The short realizing the under which the waiter was laboring stepped down on the other leg The waiter eHU this but he thouorht it wns only a bluff and he didnt b tumble to I the joke till shorty began to whistle One of His Legs is Longer than i Really Ought to a Be That was most vicious conduct on the part of the Cornell sophomores who turned a stream of deadly chlor i ine gas into a room wherein the freshmen fresh-men were enjoying a banquet Several deaths resulted andp yet there are fathers good ones too who conscientiously conscien-tiously believe that a college course I is man necessary to the making of a gentle a a Though neither beautiful nor young The swains on her who call Worship the ground she walks upon Because she owns It aU New York Herald S a A gigantic microscope Is being constructed con-structed in Munich It has a magnifying I magni-fying power of 11000 diameters which can be increased to 16000 by means of an electric light the image being thrown upon a screen I might be used with profit in the search for gratitude on the part of office seekers towards i the voters who made it possible for them to step above the common herd I a a a This Is the time of year when we are reminded that there would be fewer I cases of pneumonia in the world if women would learn how to say good byeLife I a a a I I have been scanning the San Francisco I Fran-cisco papers very closely of late and regret very much that there seems to I be a lack of enthusiasm over the attendance at-tendance at the Midwinter fair Judging Judg-ing from the reports that I have read it is fair to presume that not more than half of the promised exhibits are yet in place However i will be all right when summer comes again a a > He stood before St Peter and meekly applied for admission to the better land says the New Idea Cant admit you sir Cant admit me exclaimed the dismayed dis-mayed aspirant Havent I lived a I Christian 7 Yes in the main Havent I obeyed the laws of the land 7 landOh Oh yes Then what is my offense You wanted to stop your paper and Instead of dropping a line to the publisher pub-lisher and paying all arrearages you had the postmaster send him a line to the effect that his paper was refused A man so contemptible would find no company in heaven so please move onto on-to the land where they dont shovel snow a a S Alas and alack How soon are we forgotten I is now given out as a fact that Charles H Hoyt whose charming wife Flora Walshso well known in Salt Lake died but a few short months ago is to marry aMiss who is described Miss Carolina Miskell ed by the New York papers as being the most beautiful woman on the i stage i i S I Dr Parkhurst whose erratic movements move-ments in New York have been followed with a good deal of interest is an ven I thuslastic advocate of beer gardens i He thinks they are far preferable to the modern saloon and would like to i see several started up In this country and run on the German plan He thinks I they would very much enhance the cause of temperance and incidentally I morality S S a I am always on the lookout for anything any-thing that is said to have any effect upon that dread disease diphtheria In recent number of a reliable periodical periodi-cal it is printed as a fact that a country doctor near Rouen France has successfully suc-cessfully treated cases of diphtheria by swobbing the throat of those afflicted with common petroleum a a a I have i from very good authority I that my literary friend woolpuller in general and also editorinchief of that now ancient periodical Nuggets ofj Truth has his eye on the United States I Senatewhen Utah becomes a state poet Charley evidently believes with the The heights great men have reached and kept Were not attained by sudden flight But they while their companions slept Were toiling upward through the night As all Republicans are alike Charley might just as well have the job as anyone any-one else in his party a a a The following is one of the New Year resolutions made by a Texas editor Hell is full of newspaper men who killed themselves blowing for some little lit-tle one horse town and that too without with-out enought support to fatten a grasshopper grass-hopper Weve decided that its a sin to lie anyway and in the future we will be found telling the truth The fight is over Stanton goes out and Devine goes in I will now be interesting in-teresting to watch the movements of the new chief His appointment was made possible by the combined votes of Democrats and Republicans There should be no favors shown to the party to which he belongs Will there be I hope not I DR FELL |