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Show "Nerds In Space" i Now, I keep telling her to just relax and have faith in the current political climate. She has given her china to her sister. I remind her that we as a country can find our way out of this financialpolitical fi-nancialpolitical mess. She had our mail forwarded. I assure her that the new health care program is not an indicator of the collapse of the world as we know it and even then wouldn't require a mass exodus of planetary proportions. pro-portions. She planted spring Chrysanthemums to spell out Goodbye Sedentary Earthlings in the front yard. It is with her not paying attention at-tention to me in mind, combined with her tendency to act some- "Chejiey" continued on Page 7 eteria food. He was introduced to my wife and me while we judged the science fair at Newt Gringritch Elementary, home of the Fighting Salamanders. Many would shrug off "Whz's"' report and its detailed description of up-coming planetary plan-etary colonization and instead concentrate on avoiding the PTA when they call for volunteers to judge the science fair. My wife, however, who was voted "the road less traveled" girl of 1985, has opted, not surprisingly for a different path. She has started to pack and is readying herself for an astrophysical adventure on the red planet. by Davidson Cheney I am a bit apprehensive about reports of recent developments in interstellar travel as described by a sixth grader recently in my acquaintance ac-quaintance named "Whz," who is apparently hording vowels. "Whz," to his credit, has a knack for identifying both leanings in galactic politics and trends in caf- "Clieney " continued from Page 3 may not be able to have visits from her folks or see the next two Kevin Costner movies when they are released. Another positive: posi-tive: Rent-to-own real estate, unlike on earth, would actually make sense. Additional benefits to calling call-ing Mars home would be not being asked to substitute teach in Sunday School, considerable consider-able fewer, shark attacks, and I wouldn't have to put up with step family reunions planed for every other weekend during the summer so we can catch up. I admit that with Aunt Stella running run-ning after me with a scrapbook and a recorder, and Gramma Ruby wanting me to play the viola for her on camera, Mars is looking indeed homey. If I could just get "Whz" and my wife to stop talking about Mars in front of my wife's parents. par-ents. They will soon have been whipped into frenzy-in-law and I will have two moving tracks shipsflying garbage trucks to pack when all I wanted from the beginning was better healthcare, a diet coke, non-communicative Chrysanthemums, and to not have to judge the science fair again. Just makes you want to throw a vowel at someone. what rashly that I am creating a list which I plan to then laminate lami-nate and attach to the medical ID necklace I now wear that t warns people to steer clear from my wife when she has a bee in her space bonnet. This is in case I somehow become incapacitated incapaci-tated and my love, my chosen one, my space buddy, chooses to leave the planet with me in tow instead of waiting for me to regain consciousness. Here are the reasons I will not be signing up to colonize Mars. First, a lady at the kiosk ki-osk in the mall says that I am an "autumn" and that I should stick to browns and blues. My best colors on the pallet are sorely lacking on Mars if the set designers from "Total Recall" are to be trusted. The lack of breathable air is another thing one could focus on if the image im-age of me wearing red wasn't so horrifying. My next worry is the appalling ap-palling lack of information concerning the number and locations lo-cations of convenience stores. I need carbonated refills every hour on the hour. I have a habit to feed, and apparently diet coke doesn't grow on trees. Also, are there any trees? I don't believe I am being selfish in asking for more information. infor-mation. I have a family to care for. Speaking of, my youngest son is concerned that those on Mars would not be focused on the important, status gaining life altering events like football. foot-ball. Are there any good teams on Mars, or would he be better off in Canada? He did the math (or at least paid "Whz" at school to do it for him) and he would have to gain eighty three pounds at the very least to stay on the offense line due to the difference differ-ence in gravity. I can't afford to feed him eighty three pounds worth. I can barely afford to pay my son to pay "Whz" to do his math for him. Unreliable Internet service is another real deal breaker. I am used to the personal service I get here on Earth. I call; he comes over and fixes my IT problem immediately. And the wait time off-planet to speak to a live agent would be unbearable. unbear-able. The only trepidation my wife has is that we may not be able to have visits from her folks or see the next two Kevin Costner movies when they are released. On the up side, we |