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Show scarcely demure atmT to this Alar a s" 't sakllhadmissed'n vwV might as well X'fst lived. on any lJrYttl lier and the poor P,i( , ,nWo she concluded withTB "if the police kneiffi ''n yououtoftown by' i hat was last August my wife has been re,, ' Sil very day, and 10n unbending. I belie i ." K p wni t Today sho remarked A. i, e 'Jerry, polities is a mj' 1 r ! thing and a man may 8 7 ' pgo half he owns C tihn Re has been elected i ,0!; keep out of jail, anvu-av i?1" court." iWa ; You bef. JKliKMlAHl jiii mm fresh Was An Unsuccessful Candidate lor i Office On a Eeform Platform. BUT HE WAS EUTHLE ELY BEATEN And Maria Soured On Him But is Now On the Way to For- !-give !-give Him. Prior to the recent county election Maria addressed ine on a question of the highest privilege: Jeremiah," she said, "you nre a chump. If I were in your pface I wbuld not waste my time and money in the saloons for nothing. I would not be an unmitigated bum and loafer all my life. . I would not pose on the corner curbstones and swap lies with every fool. I would" I began to get warm under the collar, for I know when my wife starts in on a curtain lecture in this style, she Is liable to end with a vehement peroration perora-tion or a ilood of tears; so taking alarm in the beginning, I interrupted her promptly with these words: "My dear, I know what you would not be in my place, but for the sake of domestic peace and happiness pray tell me what you would be. Nothing disconcerted Marie retorted with a sinister glare iu her off eye: "I'd be a politician," she said. "I'd run for a county office this year, and for governor gov-ernor some other year. If you had half the gumption your wife has you would bo somebody or die, Mr. Fresh, I have long since given up hope to mako a reputable man of you, but you might still bo a rising statesman states-man and officeholder." . . I felt rather proud at this suggestion though it was presented to mo in a more emphatic form than I thought was necessary, and stroking first my goatee and then Maria's chin, I said to her with a patronizing smile, "If it were not for you women this world would be a bleak failure." Then bolting out doors I made my way to tho "Morning Howler," How-ler," and interviewed the editor. ed-itor. I said the whole country was going to destruction and what it needed was new leaders in her public affairs. For a long time, I continued, I felt ,'fs if I should cast my native modesty mod-esty to the dogs and sacrifice myself on the altar of patriotism, but never, never till foday could I overcome my scruples. "Now," I concluded with a rising inflection in my strong bass voice,'! am ready to make the sacrifice and you may announce me as hereafter being in the' hands of my friends." The editor had listened attentively, but said nothing. When I finished ho cast me a sinister glance and then resumed re-sumed the manipulation of his shears. I retired feeling assured that I had made a good impression and that tomorrow's issue of tho Hrowler would contain an editorial endorsement of me together with a life size biography; biogra-phy; but it didn't. All I could find referring re-ferring to the undersigned was a three-line three-line local reading as follows: : We call the attention of the police to a fel-lowminnd fel-lowminnd Jeremiah Fresh. His condition is dangerous. Before this appeared, however, I made the rounds of all tho saloons where politicians do congregate, treating the boys, including myself, my-self, and winding up with "a ringing speech in behalf of the new departure. de-parture. Tho boys cheered me to the echo and then took another parting gulo. That night I came home at an uncertain uncer-tain hour and in an uncertain condition. condi-tion. Maria, however, was still up. She always is when I don't want her to be, and if I delivered some gifted speeches during the evening none could approach ' the fluency flu-ency and diction of her oration. I retired somewhat disgusted, but yet hopeful, and in my dreams I could see myself at the head of an enthusiastic enthusias-tic procession, with Maria by my side and a brass band in front playing the soulful melody "Hail to tho Chief." I was the chief. I could also see my counterfeit immortalized in the Police Gazette, and the eye of the country rivetted upon me. It was an Elysian dream. A week after the convention was held and all the recruits I had made during my rounds were on nana ana so was their craving for stimu hints, but what did I care? My wife w ould be willing to do without a new bonnet and ulster this winter if her husbandand hus-bandand at the thought I stroked my goatee fondly again returned to her bosom as the Hon. Jeremiah Fresh The thought of it was in itself sublime. t But I did not return ' to her m the least honorable. It took me three days to sobor up and wake up at the same time to a realization realiza-tion that I had made an ass of myself Maria said the same thing. She said I was the biggest fool in the country and she would exhibit me at the fair antl take first premium. 1 could |