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Show Not His Fault. Little Augustus Jounson had learned learn-ed some tilings about the face of a clock, but not quite u'l thre la to know. "What time is It, "GustuJ?" asktfA ul employer one night, to test him. "It's Jes' 8 o'clock," said the boy, after a careful survey of the clock. "No, you're wrong," said hla employer. em-ployer. "It won't be 8 for quito a while yet not for twenty minutes." "Bofe bunds is p'intlng to 8, Jes' as straight us dey can pint," said tho boy stubbornly. "If dey nin't tellln.i de truf, I cyan't help It." Youth's Companion. Might be in a Nice Fix. Two men of Mllwaukeo were discussing dis-cussing tho case of a person of their acquaintance whose obituary, it un-pears, un-pears, had been prln'ed by mistake In one of that city's newspapers. "Oh, ho!" exclaimed ono of the Germans. "So dey hat brinted der funeral notice of a ninn who is not dead already! Veil, now, he'd bo In a nice fix If he vas one of dose beeblo vot believes everything dey sees la i der papors." Harper's Magazine. i Teaching and Feeding. I A student at the Western Reserve I university suffers from obesity. It up- 1 peara that even professors do not lovo I a fat man. After a particularly un- I successful recitation in an English, I course the professor said: "Alas, Mr. I Blank! You are better fed tfvw taught" . LI "That's right, professor," Blghcd A the youth, subsiding heavily. "You teach me; I feed myself." First Choice. I Mr. Jawback "My dear, I was one of tho first to leave." I Mrs. Jawback "Oh, you always Bay that." 1 Mr. Jawback "I can prove It this time. Ixiok out In the hall and soo the 1 beautiful umbrella I brought home." I Toledo Blade. Advanced Fast. "Mike, didn't you have some trouble trou-ble when you landed at New York?" "Divil a bit, sor." "You hadn't any password admitting admit-ting you to the country, had you?" "No, sor, but before I had been la the country tin days I bad the grip." Chicago Tribune. Explorer's Ailment. "Did that explorer suffer any physical phy-sical ailment as a result of his trip, to the arctic regions?" "Yes." "What was It?" "Writer's cramp." Washington Etar. Perhaps It Happened In Idaho. A gentleman once started on a lonrf Journey. He having to go on. foot, got weary and lay down In a fence corner to rest. The sun 4jelns so warm and he so weury he fell asleep. By chance he had a pumpkin seed In his pocket. Tho ground was damp, this made the seed sprout and then It grew. When he awoke he was almost al-most 25 miles away from where he lay down. He was curled up in a pumpkin blossom. What She Wanted. Father (to his daughter) l've-brought l've-brought you a ilther for your birthday, birth-day, my dear, and a book by which you can teach yourself to play on It in a month. Daughter "But It was the rither teacher I wanted most Fllegende Blatter. No Secret. "Mrs. Chucksley, u your husband a member of any secret society?" "lie thinks he Is but he talk la his sleep." Chicago Tribune. . An Uphill Job. Flsff Pon't you wish you could live your life over aeain? Fogg Weil. I should say not! I've got a twenty-year endowment policy matin tug ibis month. I'.ostoa Transcript Trans-cript One on the Parson. Parson Joiner It must be dreadful to have to Impose a life sentenc upon a man. Judge. Judge Jolly You ought to know, parson; you do it yourself. Boston Transcript |