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Show Tiie Kaiser PctlheBCTi (By Wright M. Cooney.) The Kaiser me the Devil in an agitated way, and the Devil stopped his prodding just to hear what Bill would say. Bill approached him quite contritely, for he wanted something done ; he would make his last endeavor to enlist him with the Hun. So he said, "My dear good Satan, I'm in trouble, I'm afraid ; if we do not work together, sure as hell my grave is made. I have worried and I've wondered, and the Huns stand in dismay, when they hear the preparation over in the U, S. A. . , . "I had thought that GOTT was with me, but of late He's hard as bone, so I've come for your assistance and we'll oust Him from His throne. Now dear Satan, won't you help me? We're a team that would work well, and when the awful war is over we'll own Heaven, Earth and Hell. "I surely am disgusted with the Gott up in the skies, instead of helping me, He's helping the Allies. Just say the word and I'll abide; you come along, but I'll decide; and tonight at just eleven, I'll call out a string of Zeppelins and we'll make a raid on Heaven." All this while old Satan wondered, scratched his head and then he pondered. When he found his equilibrium, after Bill had gotten through, he addressed Bill Hohenzollem in these words, severe but' true: "You're a dirty, lowbrow ingrate; you're the worst I ever knew; you are dippy, talking flighty, and to win your greatest blunder you would wreck GOD ALMIGHTY . "You for years have had a notion that you had a regular call, and some day you'd rule in Heaven, but, oh, Bill, you'll get a fall. And this fall is not far distant ; it is coming sure as hell, for the Allies have your measure and they'll fix you good and well. "You have stopped to the lowest level ; you have broken every rule; all the world is now against you, you're a great big jackass fool. "I don't like your talk or methods ; I'm the Devil, that is true, but you've wrecked and butchered millions, and I have no use for you. "Look at Belgium, poor bleeding Belgium ; look at France, and England, too; all because you had a notion that the world you could subdue. "For punishing, I've a reputation, but I've watched you all the while; and for downright, ornery meanness you have the Devil ! skinned a mile. , .'.'All the fire and the brimstone, all the groans and shrieks of 'hell, you have equalled and surpassed them, and you know it mighty well. "Now, Kaiser Wilhelm, listen; you'll not finish what you've started ; the Hohenzollem family and throne will soon have parted. "You heard from President Wilson, he told you what he'd do, but you thought he was only bluffing, now you know he's coming through. Over there they're training soldiers, and oh, my God, how they can fight! They'll get your dirty carcass because they're fighting for the right. "When the bugle call is sounded, you will have no time to pray, for they're coming on in millions and they hail from U. S. A." |