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Show ffirlE G M D I FuO N 3 GOLDEN GUERDON CMer eroes Pafe Bescfe the Football Young Man. Who Is Bountifully Favored by Fortune and Fair Women, as Shown in the Case of Mr. Roddy Sloy t)..n We telegraph o!es along a railroad. Ami ho WHS getting Ills stuff rHTirS "He's so delightfully rough and manly, too"' exclaimed ex-claimed Yera, spontaneously, shifting her weight to hor sound foot with a nui tiled groan. "See, he's smoking a pipe." ' tried to Induce her to remember the time that I had wanted to whiff on my French brier and she bud to'd me to put the "horrid smelly thing away." Roddy and the llinplng half do:: en reached us. "Oh, Vera." boasted Ocneiiove. 'Mr, Sloy has been telling us nil about hmv he was out getting a IllUe practice for next Reason early this morning." "Yes," Interrupted Roddy, throwing out his chest 8t the Imminent risk of his ve.st buttons and flicking an Imaginary speck off his sleeve, lie wan sure enough determined not to lose the centre of the stripe "Yes, I took a little light practice A friend of mine has nn automobile up here. Clark's hls name. Tils governor hiLS a cottage I got out Into the road thin morning and let him run Into me going about twenty mile an hour. It's great for hardening a man up for the real knocks. I dented In the radiator, though. In the last rush that he made and came very near breaking break-ing up the machine. He cays that he can't afford to have bis car smashed that way. He has trouble enough with the telegraph poles, neigh-ho, I suppose I'll have to tlnd some new means to get Into shape." The half-dozen, plus Vera, exclaimed appreciatively In ultra-soprano. Koddy acknowledged the applause ns a mere trltle and went on with tho recital. As an encore he put ou this one: "Yes," he mused remlnlscently, "I nearly killed n man once." "Oh!" the chorus. ' lo vou want to hear about HT' got tan and smoked mulatto cigars. I guess be judged the oilttlt becoming. Now. Sandy, you know I was never the man to quit. I began to apply to Jhe situation my concentration concen-tration derived from chess, and I had lots of time for thought during that next week. Roddy's popularity popu-larity was unimpaired, aud I hadn't a Mongolian's chance with the daughters of Eve. Finally I hit on a scheme to show him up. That was what I wanted. I smiled for the hrst time in a week. I didn't see how I could faii. 1 again pictured myself the Ward McAllister of Ruthburst. There used to be a big Swede back In Cos Cob, where 1 lived, who made his living going around to county fairs and betting the strong man that he could lift more. Then he used to go up to one of those machines where the proprietor wagers yon that you can't hit a little round nob of leather with a fledge hard,cuough to ring a bell. After be bud "broke" two or three of these outfits every year they would get on to him and shut down when they saw him coming. Olaf Orison had about as many borne power as a ono lung automobile. He never did anything but loaf around the pool parlor par-lor and bet strangers that he could outlift them. Tbey were the only ones who would go against him I sent for him. 1 directed that he come Into Iiathhurst on the night train and under cover of darkness. I met him at the .station. I smiled at the chance that Sloy had lien I saw Olaf, for exervUe after his long ride, playfully play-fully hoist one end of a loaded freight car off the track that was standing on a siding. 1 told him to put !t down becaus-e I was afraid that he was going to carry It away with him, and It uould have guiume-d my game If he had been pinched for grand larccuy thu lirst thing. work was fine. You know what be was for advertising advertis-ing In college. Ills baggage was on the porch. Emblazoned Em-blazoned on the trunks was "Roderick Sloy. of Yale and Cohoes." ' Effectively Labelled. lie didn't have such bad paper, though. Clinging coyly to his baggage was a net of European labels tliat Oscar Hnmmersteln would Ire proud to eopport. They were almost as P'mmI as the set we bought In Hobokeu In our sophomore year for two bits. You remember those? Well, to skip over a lot more of the subsequent stuff, the baggage m ade as big a hit with the girls as Robert Edeson or Harry Woodruff would had they been standing there. I was at the time walking with a very recherche summer resort clipping. Vera by name, one of the kind with an incandescent complexion com-plexion and near silk hair. I wa-s rather fond of her, and she fancied ine. She caught sight of the conspicuous con-spicuous baggage. A blind girl would have noticed It. "Elsie." she exclaimed to another, "Koddy Sloy la here. Ain't that grand?" flu fling up her hair. "I heard he was coming, ami I'm Just crazy to see him. I'll bee he's so muscular," declared Elsie. That was the end of me. I couldn't pry a single Bklrt loose from the hotel that afternoon, not even Alice Smith, who went to college ond wore spectacles spec-tacles and thought that puffs made a girl look fast. fjU i I Rodtfy FIerfe4 Hii Beeps, aad aU tfce lil'liuWWSy'J - l VYZ SPlk fPMJtWiSs JmLL more thau half way across the room, I bought btrn some clothes and led him forth. He had become so well schooled In talking with his hands that hut one who did not understand the i,ni bin!T,ij?0 would certainly cer-tainly have considered hlni a chatterbox. I bad carefully care-fully Instructed Mm that he was not to begin work on Roddy's disintegration until he had received a certain cer-tain signal from me. The thing went along very smoothly and I was pleased with myself. Of course, I had to be a little careful at the table and keep passing things to Olaf so that his hands would be full and ho wonldn't be tempted to go after game off his beat. I kept him so busy eating that he did not have a chance to talk If he had been so Inclined, which he waa not. For the rest I kept him away, explaining that ou account of his affliction he was nalurally sensitive. At Interval I told him things that Roddy bad sold nbout Sweden and Swedes until Olaf was for declaring war on the United States for harboring such a citizen. Koddy had been very busy with the girls In the meawlme. and especially was he exceedingly solid with Vera. Kradstreet rated her father's fortune as the highest In the standing. I was content to let things rest for a few days. Then one day nt dinner, after Olaf had pointed out to me the viands of his selection on the menu, as was his custom, and I had ordered the whole layout to play It safe, a stranger sn down at the table, no was an oldish man with one of those skinned diamond effects mi top and a pitiful, struggling bit of hair that reminded oue for all the world of n grass outfleld. lie voon scraped an acquaintance. After a brief conversation he asked me about ray friend. I explained ex-plained that he was my deaf and dumb cousin and that the only means of reaching him was through signs. A new light came Info the little man's eyes, and he took off his gold rimmed glasses and polished them affectionately. Expert in Sign Language. "Wonderful'." he exclaimed. "I have made a &?udy of tho deaf and dumb nil my life, and I am deeply interested in-terested in them. I have taught roauy and effected several cures. Great luck. YYhat system does he use?" Here was a swell fix. I had supposedly been carrying car-rying on an animated conversation with Olaf nt intervals in-tervals during be meal. At a loss; for an answer, I replied: "The Mor-e code." "How strnngo. I never heard of that," replied tho professor. "I et me see what I inn do." He began to make motions nt Olaf, to which the Swede payed no attention whatever. I saw that only a Napoleonic strode could save the situation. "I forgot," I answereh hurriedly. "I am interested in telegraphy. You see, my cousin was born In Sweden and can only converse In the Swedish sign language. lie doesn't understand any other." "Ah," mused the professor, nibbing his hands at the prospect, "I'll soon teach liiui English. I'll soon teach him." I b-d Olaf away from the table us. soon as I could disengage him from the menu. I saw that I would have to strike and strike quickly. The situation was fogging facts. So the next morning when I found Olaf lifting an automobile out of a cow pasture where some Joy riders had run It by mistake the night before and placing It back on the road I approached. This, Sandy, mind you, was the sort of exercise that he had taken every morning. One of his chief delights waa to pull telegraph pole.s out by the roots. I told Olaf that the lime for action liad come. I told him some more pleasant tales about Koddy Sloy calculated to stir up Olaf. Then I led my forces to the bathing beach where the enemy was holding forth. Many times I had warned everybody about the hotel that there was Just one thing about which my cousin was sensitive. This was to have any one make motions mo-tions when he was n round bvauso it made him fe- that be was being made game of. I had told Sloy that If Olaf took offence nt this he was about ns gentle ns n four-year-old lion. I pointed to his record. Only the timely Intervention of the police, I told him, had saved one of Olaf's vf thus who had made this mistake. This, I said, was the only thing that bothered my poor deaf and difmb cousin, and that otherwise he was perfectly gentle. ' Grand Climax. N When we arrived at the beach Koddy was telling n story about himself to the girls. He was one of those conversationalists who cannot talk If you tic their hands behind their bark. I hail noticed Roddy's weakness weak-ness before I had mentioned Olaf's antipathy for mo. lions. Roddy's hands were going like a lMUoh windmill wind-mill In a six knot breeze at the time I interrupted him .pTrleli!. U-10. br the New Yor Herald Co. All rlb! twntil.) FOOTBALL produces street cleaning commissioners, commis-sioners, obituaries and survivors for mllUon-nalres mllUon-nalres daughters to marry and for the mllliou-nairea mllliou-nairea to support It Is a profitable game to play all right when you get through with it if four system can stand the wear and tear of the grld-ron. grld-ron. A football hero makes a real legitimate, sure nough history hero look like a trlfler. Alexander, for Instance, sometimes called the 'Jreat, had tils day; Napoleon had his twenty-four lours, Nelson (not Battling his, Washington his, and nen Corbett and Jeffries, their, but not your Alex-inders Alex-inders and Caesars, not your Napoleons and Nelsons, not your Washlngtons and Peweys, nor even your Corbet ti and Jeffries could eclipse tho football hero of to-day. The others never comj back. The football hero doesn't go anywhere so that he'll have to return, lie jut staya. Even "Jack" Johnson, In all his glory md vaudeville engagemeuts, looks like a dark shadow romparcd to tho real up to date pigskin pigeon, with turned up trousers and bristling pompadour. All these others had their flaws, Ihcir petty weaknesses, but put the football hero In his proper environment ind the suu has to wear a smoked glass shield to shine on hlra. Hut to let the story Into the Mock, for this Is ln-lended ln-lended to be n story, I never was a foil ball player myself. I have a one cylinder bnck and a six ci Under intellect. I couldn't help that. I didn't ilraw the plans for my style of architecture. Well, all this was brought to my mind when I dropped In to . ee S-indr Ferguson the other day. Sandy and 1 used Mr. Sloy Carried Everything; Before Him. I & I 1 "I beg your pardon, Mr. Sloy, I began, "hue I hav Stuck There. "Yes, of course," from the chorus. ''You sec. It was against Friiicdon" Geraldlno poked her elbow Into my eye. trying lo press closer to I he ledi'sione. "That was two years ago, when I whs-playln-g In the line. I savs to the guy across from in 'If you try to come through here again I'll kill vou' And he didn't trv. That's how he saved his 'life." "Would you have been so cruel?"' asked flencvleve. "Sure, i hat's the game " "No wonder I hat the accounts of th games and (he obituary columus In tho newspapers rnn parallel," 1 suggested. The Man of Muscle. "Huh, It's only the mollycoddles that get hurled," he explained. "I'm hard, my boy, all over. Feci that!" Roddy flexed his" biceps, aud nil the girls felt. The exclamations expressive of admiration were as welcome wel-come to him as press notices to n chorus girl. Mr. Sloy next led his personally conducted tour to the bathing beah. He appeared, apparently, prepared pre-pared for Immersion. Around him were all the assorted as-sorted feminine bits of summer resort furniture. Again with great force It dawned on me why it pays to piny football. The accomplishment Is worth millions mill-ions of dollars to the survivors In the Rummer. Eveotually u varsity letter Is almost sure to attract an heiress The f.Mrtball hero con afford to select He doesn't need (o accept any consolation prizes. Sloy tiegan to show the girls some of his battle scars goods In trade and lu his bathing suit he gave a very satisfactory satis-factory demonstration. "Notice my nose M crooked?" he asked. All the girls smiled affirmatively and sympathetically. "I hadn't noticed It before." apologized Yera, "and ft dovsn't hurl your look h bit." "No," agreed Kddy readily. "It eoiildn't," I said to myself. "That's where Johu De Witt walked on my face,' he went on glibly. "Feel It! The bones arc alt messed up." And nil the ladles stepped up and felt aud looked pained and sympathized with the maimed hero. For my part, I wished that J. Dv Witt had worn hore- I tried bribery. I eajoled. I5ut they didn't care for le ercam soda and were bly-C- when It came to candy. They were nil nt hand at the roll call for dinner, however, dressed up like sore fingers. Now "Koddy" was not a bad stage manager. He had kept under cover all Ihe afternoon. Not a glimpse of himself did ho permit to escape, hut he made his entrance for the evening performance with the salad. I bad played a matin to empty seats myself. He wore a dre'ss suit that tilted as If it hate,! to be around with him. The coat left him at the collnr and Joined him ngalu at the waist. He looked as lonesome as a bell buoy In It. He resembled for all the world a blacksmith black-smith l ho is badly out of focus. With his coining there was a hu-.h. He noticed it. too. I would have anticipated a safer passage with a yoke of oxen en route through a china emiorlum than with him through the dining room. Hut 1 was prejudiced He only came a cropper on a waiter who was Inn elllng light. There w as no break in the silence si-lence until be seated blnisi-lf and then the very evident evi-dent tension snapped. "Koddy Sloy. of Yale." whisper?! Yera in awe. nudging Genevieve. And back und forth and up and down the room there echoed in tense feminine tones; "There's Roddy Sloy, the Yule full back." Feminine Admiration. "Ain't be grand?" queried Cynthia. "IxM.ks to i no ii If be might be a grand piano mover," I suggested with acerbity, and Cynthia responded re-sponded by doing a close imitation of a refrigerator. "He's so" muscular." suggested Or.ildLne. Mr. Sloy was localed at the next table He handled his tools In a rough and rounly manner and nt one time appeared to be In Imminent peril of making n menu out of the front of bis shirt. He made n gTcat living tackle of the fish, and when he finallv scored n touchdown with the l?e cream he called time. He had tired out one waiter. Mr. Sloy opened next in the ball room, where tho orchestra wus beginning to unllmber preparatory to an evening of Terpslchorean entertainment. You remember. Sandy, how smooth 1 was with my feet? Well, did "l have a chance with tbtt football playing gentleman? lo spend a week every year back In New Ilaren trying try-ing to find out who was the best chess player iu college. col-lege. Now Sandy is running a couple of trusts and has a big board with the stock quointlons nicely In laid on It In his office, lie moves these around to suit himself and takes the ether fellow's pawns, kniehts or rooks Just as he fancies. Sandy and I were pretty thick when we were In college. That Is the only reason that I can get past phalanxes of office beys. cohorts of clerks and private secretaries now and right Into Sandy's private office. of-fice. I slipped Into Sandy's uanctum by the family entrance the other day after giving a secretary the "open sesame." When Sandy and I had passed the old grip 1 opened a desk drawer, pulled out a fifty cent cigar and assumed a nonchalant posture with my feet on top of a couple of hundred thousand dollars' dol-lars' worth of C. I. preferred, under which was a di-k. Concerning Mr. Roddy Soy. 'i'.il.'." said Sandy, "i saw Koddy Sloy the other day. Y"U remember him?" 'ileil always be a scar on my memory." I replied, "lie did me out of a great summer once. TU all the dallies." "I'.-otb.iH?" queried Sandy, who had evidently been up a-aliit it himself. "And o n always were fond of a Uri. Kill." he added relleci li el y. ' H ilui 1 en r lell ion that yarn?" "Nope." s.ild Sandy, as he minuend th telephone n.i.l w, i, r,.NV ihoiiiud shares of Standard Rubber. "I uu. i hat will hold them for a while," he mused "i he hung Up (he rec il it. "Let her ill. Kill." He pushed a bu7zcr and a boy bounded into the '""!. impelled by cnihusiam for his art. "Vol im cr.1 Udy wh Is waP.iiiR that I am engaged on : -i.rt.iiit business and cnu'l b-. seen this morn-ll morn-ll " ''.In led Sandy. "Sow. ll.tt. go to It and then U'-'ll out to lunch together. Fie g t u couple of '-1 .ii. mv-s-if 1 w.ini oil to bear." 1 led him up to the bolei the back way. He had to tack to get bis shoulders through the doors. I spent an hour Just walking around and admiring hlni. I sat up all nlht giving him bU Instructions He had always fancR-d me at home, probably because I was such a contrast to his own enormity. He was naturally n silent fellow, aud I told him that he wan to lm my deaf and dumb cousin. t To Disassemble Roddy. In exchange for his silence he was to get the best eating at the hotel and a purse ns soon a he disassembled disas-sembled Roddy Sloy. He must pretend to talk with hLs bunds, and above all things be was never to speak. This w as easy for him, ns you had to call blm thrre or four hard names ordinarily to get ft word out of him. If be slipped np on auy of the conditions there was to be no purse. Just to add a little natural lropHu to his dislike of Kddy S'.or I told Olaf that Koddy had said that Sweden wasn't a regular nation. Now, If there was one thing that Olaf was proud of it was lib nationality. nation-ality. "Show me dat fallah." he iaid, and I had hard work restraining blm. I held rehearsals for a week. In which period I kept Olnf under cover and tried to Induct hlni to lead hla food to bis mouth with his fork Instead of the tools which nature had given blm. In that time I never let him talk, which, I repeat, was easy for blm. Finally, when he lcame so finished nn epicure that he only ate wltb hi knife when he got excltc-d or the m-at was tough, acd never peered bmtd with Ids .fork told you that my cousin is very sensitive about prop making motions in his presence, and I will havf to request re-quest you not to do It or you may get hurt. lOven non-he non-he thinks that you are making game of blm." Olaf looked as black as the mala street In Yonkers after ten o'clock at nlgbt. "I gues 1 can take care of myself." bonsted Roddy. "Remember, Mr. Sloy, If anything happens, I have warned you." Then I gave Olaf the oQlce. IJ went for Bloy. I got my Hrst surprivj. He nilssed him. Koddy, luting football foot-ball tactics, had ducked under him. Then the fullback launched In a flying tackle before Olaf could recover his balance. He hit the Swede amidships and down ha wont. Tbu knee In the brisket was next and the contrast con-trast between my champion and Roddy was palnfuL I could bare wept. Roddy shoved his head Into the sand and walked on his face. Finally Roddy got up and left the Swedish bead stuck thre. Next he pacified paci-fied the screaming girls and walkl off with Vera on bis arm. 1 had already plcruivd myself doing that very thing. Oiaf was Just withdrawing bis head from the" beach. He sputtered aDd spit out sand for noma time aud then, The answer, Sandy. Well. I seut Olaf boui by freight. :md I lift on the next train ciyclf. And, by the way. what was Roddy Sloy doing wben you w blm? s "Oh," replied Sandy, ije Is devoting his life nobly to the tak of spending his wife's mom-y. He married your friend, ynu know. Vera Oilvlngion Chose." 1 "I guess that's why ir pays to play foolfcrall, Sandy," 1 answered, "l'ou can't beat 1L" shoes when be did the Job. Next he pointed out i twlste-d log. "That." he explained easily, "I got caught In n scrimmage and had to .wriggle out o make a touchdown. touch-down. It was for the college, you know, and I only got torn llgnmeuts arid water on the knee. TJiat's f oil, and It was worth it. Won the game for alma matr." "Ob!" exclaimed the admiring nud pulchritudinous chorus, and I could hear th thrills clatter up and down the listening vertebrae. . t "That oln't nothln'," he went ou, encouraged to continue his oratory. "You ought to see the other fellows. I carry a call for the coroner In either hnd. They usually go off the tield feet first when 1 get through with them." Q Th-n he explained how he came by a string of medals that dangled from his che.st. Weighted with Medals. .. "This one," be I has ted, fondling a trophy that looked like one of the badges from a flrenxin's picnic, "I cot for savlug a ron from drowning emce." "He ran anil obtained help before the man Mnk," was my own opinion. Ills narrative was as persistent as Tennyson's brook. Never once did he approach the water. I giit-Ked thst h hadn't mastered the science of self-buoyancy, self-buoyancy, but, anyway. If he had been an Annette Kcllerruunn he couldn't have enniod all tho medals and stjyed on top. He pcnt most of his mornings lu his docoiii'lie balM&g tulL He Jsy va the beach, Tin' wall flowers answered "No." The girls clustered around him ns If be were a bargain Counter and after the llrst dance there was dress material enough to start n retnnnut ssl". I didn't dance much Unit evening, but hung In the effing nothing that Mr. Sloy stepped on almost everything but the floor. lie went through the crowd a if he were executing a m iss play and expected somebody on the side Unci to exclaim n!riiot any minute. "No hope for llsrvard." He handled hU partner like a forward pxss. And b got awav with It. while 1, generally acknowledged t Irt- not only one of the let but one of tho most graceful grace-ful Terisi-horcan artist extant, stood on th side lines like a llfth substitute st a fe-otball game. Ajud I never could see that Ion.ild RrUn bad anythlug on me either. Mr. Slov carried everything txfore him. not excepting the violinist ou a turn nrouod that worthy's end. That broke op the dau. e wheo he booked onto tbe fiddler. The next morning most of the girls wen-lame wen-lame but game. I met Vera alone favoring ber off leg perceptibly. ,t "Did you enjoy your dance last night.' I asked. Verv much." she responded plucklly. -Three more nights like hnt and you'll be on crutches." Delightfully Rough. Then the hero burst upon our vlsw around id,, corner cor-ner of the Hrch with "Is Unip!"2 maidens wake. Tno "IV were scattered through bis convcrsa- I he-an. Mere Is the s;ory I told Sandy. As all f- ! -o.ri,, , ive a title I inUlit call this one "Why " ''' -t"li. l o.il..i;i." IVnise: II ''. p. ni.h.ir-i. . l. I he co.lst f Maine, Ijie last r 1 v. i, , ,..;,,;,. Tint was ;to ear that you w M ' I jour v.; y to l.iginnd ou that cattle tub. Vou ri ii..- , u-tt Yoii n. i.., ;i ort ..f .h.i-iilKTmu1d to a ''-li. '.'.(.-.l.li s:. v was ;it ltat!iti.irt also, ami I no.l.t o;.o.i'e. 'n know lie bad die imputation I. ' I ...1 :i- in..; t. epl.l.-riiiis Inle uud there on the Hi.lire,,., , ,-, U11M (,., 1I)V eoufmporary IT- ! ' l -I I have a .' h , i e wl'ih 'he girls after he ,i:o IV .... fii, n w;is the time when I chanted my 'nan Tn! !,.,,, t n. imosoine'ie'S of an Arctic rl.iil I :: l.!i i p..,. r ,.1:l that the North l'ol (i..o. U rrh..l.,i,s :,,;,1 fe-live is a Slouie bull onipiMd io ii. i s.i in T:,thhurst nfier bU com- Ii:.- I made !!,.. Spiq-ix l..k like a p-o-ulor debutante ai ;i r.. tiling . t;: p ,ny. Well, to li.ilii.iir considerable that followed my arrii il. I'll kjv that I was making s-.mie progress .III...I - th lingerie lie fore he nrrlv.'d. ne day he- '"id 'a on i; ,,, train Just aTter we all came bok ipo,, u. bin,!,,.. jf i remember rightly I iv is ii i ii sK ,,r m i en maiden nt the time, telling i'm-u, iov I w, i, i',,. liiiero.'.b gi.ite chos champion- . l.l;i i lie billed 1.', ai proacb. and tl. advance publicity |
