Show Day After Shopping Disease Nick Parker Opinion Editor There is a time when all the veterans come together to do what they love They form lines make salutes to their flags prep for their big journey and wait The slogan for this army is We do more before six AM A.M. than most people do all day Hardened professionals these folks love their trade and do it well They are the few the proud the early morning day after Thanksgiving day Thanksgiving shop shop- pers This insane practice has been going on for many years In the tradition old ladies crazy single dads and bored housewives line up at the wee hours of the in search of morning plenty deals-a-plenty and this years year's hot buys I happened to be on hand for this years year's occasion and insanity ensued I work at Target on Fort Union and I Ih h. h tit 11 11 h nil ra co th m n t h at n n ll A TA 1 1 s i a ave 03 seen U LUUL wi will never p Pl ague UI your deepest darkest nightmares They're things that would make HP cringe and Stephen King weep Pushing prodding pulling praying pulsating and pouncing these were the sights of the day And that was just in the employee area When the doors or starting gates if you will were opened like the floodgates of The Great Deluge people flowed in by bythe bythe bythe the scores in search of the almighty deal I dont don't know about you but a Buffy The Vampire Season Seven DVD box set for 1777 isn't worth breaking an armand arm armand armand and getting into some type of altercation with a lb Ib man People are insane when priced low-priced i r P f w dJ D a I 4 Z u T Nick Parker enjoying the day after thanksgiving at Target goods are sold in large numbers I saw hundreds of tired faces moving in zombie-like zombie unison towards the ever popular popular popular pop pop- ular Bratz aisle For those of you unfamiliar with Bratz if Marilyn Monroe was Barbie then Bratz would be Paris Hilton These things are surely not the greatest image for our future female leaders are they If I hear one more person ask for a stupid stupid stupid stu stu- stu- stu pid holographic train which really isn't that cool IT LIGHTS UP Big fat hairy deal I will politely ask them to leave the store due to their bad taste in seasonal d decor cor Some of these people must go through gh- gh thousands of dollars in their electric bill over the holidays because Ive I've seen people people people peo peo- with carts full of lights and various electric gadgets used to bring out the holiday holiday holiday hol hol- iday cheer No matter what your vice in this world whether it be crack sex violence rock and roll or alcohol none is more destructive destructive destructive tive to you or your loved ones than that of the Day After Thanksgiving shopping disease It will ruin rum your morals your body and your mind So next year when youre you're just about to kick your symptoms at 5 AM A.M. press the snooze button and save yourself the hell that is The Day After Thanksgiving l ng holocaust |