| Show i t if chaos n Its It's fun being a grandma you enjoy M Terrorized grandmother finds herself tending two bouncing baby boys Linda Ciampini Columnist a grandma is fun if BEING you are a masochist who enjoys nightmares featuring pint size monsters This may sound cruel but I know what Im I'm talking about I 1 am the terrorized grandmother of two boun bouncing ng baby boys They do not bounce Who made that saying up anyway What they do is jump and climb They jump on the beds keeping them in a constant constant constant con con- stant state of disarray They climb on couches chairs and curtains And if you are dumb enough to lie on the floor to watch TV or just relax they will jump on your head and laugh with glee at your agonized wail As for the pitter-patter pitter of little feet well that sound is usually accompanied by the sound of drawers and cupboards cupboards cupboards cup cup- boards opening They are up to something usually fixing their own meal which means piles of cereal rice and sugar all over the house Steven who is 18 months old takes care of the dry goods Nicholas almost four handt handles handles hand- hand t les the milk which never quite makes it into the bowls I have not figured out why Nicholas cannot get the milk in the bowls When he was playing chemist with my seven very tiny bottles of rather expensive colognes he did not have a problem He dumped them all into a bowl The toilet bowl By the way I Iam Iam Iam am selling this genuine toilet water for 40 an ounce just justin in case you are interested Since my daughter Lisa and my grandsons have moved into my house a lot lotof lotof lotof of things have changed Mainly the location of anything anything anything any any- thing I might be looking for However I am a fast learner and now I start looking for whatever it might be I am looking for in places other than where it is supposed to be I have recently purchased a pair of binoculars They make it easier to find those small items like underpants and bras that have somehow found their way into the neighbors neighbor's yard I must admit some things are right where I left them The other day I was fixing my makeup I reached for my 14 I r blush This is not your ordinary ordinary ordinary nary everyday bl blush ush I splurged on a French brand It cost me 1750 plus tax I Iwas Iwas Iwas was happy it was there safe and sound Upon opening it I discovered the contents had been slightly altered The brush was floating in water and the blush itself was bloated up to twice its size I think water-logged water is the proper adjective My grandsons love me In fact when I have been gone all day they are overjoyed when I return They sound of my car and it always thrills me to see the front door burst open and hear the sound of their voices yelling Grandma grandma If their happiness ended there it would be okay by me But it Next comes the physical attack Their display of affection at this point closely resembles abuse coupled with malicious intent If my arms are full of packages or school books I do not have a chance I have almost decided it would be easier if I just laid down That way they would not get such pleasure out of knocking me over I have devis devised d different methods of getting even with Nicholas and Steven My favorite is wearing blue jeans and paint stained sweat shirts whenever possible One day it occurred to me they had some sort of master plan I began to notice that when I put on my new white outfit or my dry-clean dry only dress they began laughing and chasing me throughout the house That was not so bad except for the fact their hands and faces were covered with chocolate peanut butter butter butter but but- ter or worse spaghetti sauce I think it was their wicked looking grins and the glint in their eyes that made me realize realize realize real real- ize they knew exactly what they were doing All in all life with my grandsons is not all bad There are benefits too I do donot donot donot not have to set my alarm before I go to bed They make sure I am up by 6 0 clock I have a new mural on my bedroom wall and I do donot donot donot not sneak out of my room at 3 o'clock in the morning for fora a piece of germ german an chocolate cake anymore Its It's not worth slipping sOpping on the banana Steven inevitably left on the kitchen floor or landing on my head while tripping over Nicholas' Nicholas bike I have l lost st five pounds since they moved in Being a grandma is fun |
