| Show Reviewing The Reviewers Reviewers- i Going to movies can be dangerous danger danger- ous these days You never really know what youre you're getting for your five bucks anymore You could be halfway through a movie and suddenly realize that your money has gone to help finance a a real turkey Ironically television has come to the rescue with a barrage of movie review programs so that we can receive some help in selecting our our movie movie entertainment Are they really helping us or are they plugging up valuable air time with boring and lame comments The Way It Itis IsBy Is IsBy By Dan Metcalf Good question In response to this concern I have devised a new uM system rating rating- rating system that will help you ou sele select t the proper movie review program on television These movie critics seem to think that they own the world and it is their right to criticize anything they want without having to answer for it Well their number is up I 1 have taken it upon myself to critique the critics I will use the familiar star system in which four stars is excellent three stars is good two stars is so-so so and one star is bad C i First theres there's Gene Roger Ebert They get three stars b because cause they have been around for forso forso forso so long They also know their stuff when it comes to making unbiased and understandable critiques They are also based in Chicago where they dont don't have to socialize with Hollywood wigs big-wigs or New York show types biz-types so they dont don't have to please their friends Its It's also fun to watch them get into big arguments on the air Next theres there's Jeffery Lyons Michael Though they have improved these Sneak Previews ins fill-ins still appear to be college dropouts who see too many foreign films They seem to be too intellectual at times and use big long words that are too hard to under under- stand Also Michael needs to work out a little because he looks too much like the wimp at the beach that gets sand kicked in his face Finally theres there's Rex Reed Bill Harris 2 1 These two are the most annoying people on television and that includes des Geraldo Rivera Rex Reeds Reed's s effeminate whining about the stupidest things has got tobe tobe to tobe be one of the most offensive noises around today Bill Harris is no help either I can never trust a man who would endorse any movie by P Paramount Paramount Para Para- ra- ra mount just because the cable channel for which he works is under con contract act to show exclusive Paramount pictures Harris also appears to be very intimidated by Reeds Reed's inherent moaning Reed Harris never really review a movie they just compete against each other to see who can come up with the cutest cliche Very annoying indeed Well there you have it Now you youcan youcan youcan can sit in front of your TV set and select a movie review program with confidence knowing what to expect Yo can feel lucky too because you didn't have to suffer through Rex Reed Bill I Harris did |
