| Show The First Time I Drove An Wheeler 18 a g by Allen Williams It all began January 1970 at Bryceville Florida I dreamed about the events that were about to take place for quite sometime but never did I figure on it happening happen happen- ing on this day or this year for that matter I wasn't even sure of a cup of coffee that morning but evidently my now law in was certain of one thing he was going to teach me how to drive the big ones Up until now all I have ever driven was a Ford with a 5 speed transmission with a split axle differential Now I get the chance to get behind the wheel of the king of the highway Even so going from a 22 foot gas powered truck to a 60 foot tractor and trailer was like learning to walk for the first time Mainly how to keep from running into everything with pounds of free freewheeling freewheeling freewheeling wheeling steel Theres no room on the road for anybody else cause Ill I'll be all over the road trying to keep the darn thing straight You had to see the truck to understand the awe that was within me It was a 1960 Model B-Model Mack powered by an inline six engine and get this a duplex transmission Of all the kinds of transmissions one could learn on he had to pick this sloppy trans trans- mission Its It's a two sticker A main box and auxiliary box If there ever was an admission charge for this grand event the bystanders and onlookers would have got their moneys worth Getting into the beast was no trouble I always pictured diesel rigs with two seats Not this one It was a bench seat something similar to that which frequently was found in the old Ford Country Squire woody wagons The instrumentation was nothing like models Back then you had a speedometer tachometer and a fuel gage Today it looks like the cockpit of a Boeing Looking out the windshield the nose of the truck looked like it was just in range of a pair of high powered binoculars and looking out the drivers window only a aman aman aman man with a parachute would dare venture Then I got the shock of my life Have you ever looked out the mirrors thinking you were only 15 foot long and then realizing there was another 45 feet of trailer added on I think I just melted into the seat Starting the beast was a ritual First depress the clutch Sure do you know how heavy those clutches are Anybody got a spare foot Then youve you've got to find neutral First of all which stick is neutral There is three of them you know The other one I didn't mention before turned out to be an emergency brake release lever Okay once you find neutral then you turn on the key and presto nothing happened Oh yes the push pushbutton pushbutton pushbutton button on the floor I always thought modern technology technology technology tech tech- complicated things more but in this case I think we can safely say modern technology in the trucking industry is a blessing compared to the good old days of diesel high balling I think now it would have been easier to push start the darn thing And now a dark cloud of smoke and a hardy Hi O Bulldog slang for a Mack truck for its it's bulldog ornament ornament ornament orna orna- ment on the hood Im I'm glad the forestry people didn't see that billow of smoke Anybody got a gas mask Hurry somebody call the EPA Now then while the truck was idling and belching you have to run over a check list similar to that of an airline pilots First check the horns Now I know a diesel horn is very unique in sound When riding behind a little old lady driving a aV V Volkswagen doing 40 mph in the hammer lane one blast of the trusty trumpets and it would scare the old lady so bad it would curl up her panty hose and make her the next proud recipient of a speeding ticket going through Atlanta Georgia The trouble is I darn near stood on the steering wheel wheeland wheeland wheeland and didn't here so much as a toot Well heck I didn't know the air horns were from over head by byway byway byway way of a small chain Now continuing part of the safety check I had to leave the cab for a moment You see you cant can't move a diesel truck until the air supply is built up enough to release the brakes Normally it only takes a couple of minutes but with this antique the air compressor compressor compressor com com- was a bit tired out so it took an unreasonably longer time than usual Oh well it gave me a chance to learn the use of one of the truck drivers trusted tools The tire billy or as its it's referred to at times a tire checker thumper or wacker The tire billy is a useful sometimes tool for under-inflated under indispensable detecting over-or over tires on rigs of all kinds It also makes an excellent fly flyswatter flyswatter flyswatter swatter and beer can flattener The lesson is as follows 1 Grasp tire billy in one hand or the other 2 Give the tire a solid wack If the billy bounces back smacks you in the mouth rips out your teeth breaks your nose in 27 places and blackens both of your eyes you will know immediately that the particular particular particular par par- tire is healthy and full of air 3 If on the other hand you hear a resounding flop or plunk and severe pain runs up your arm and separates your shoulder you have every reason to believe that this tire is flat All this indicates is it would be advisable to change the tire which of course is a heck of a lot of fun It gives you the opportunity to get out of a stuffy old cab and commune commune commune com com- mune with nature You can enjoy the fresh cool air 79 degrees below zero feel the refreshing rain in your face by the barrel full bask in the sun degrees in the shade or enjoy the gentle breezes mph 4 During this time remember it is unlawful to use disparaging remarks and four letter words while referring to tire manufacturers little old ladies driving V Volkswagens or nice policemen police police- men who hide behind billboards 5 After you have completed your task you may want to sit back and consider changing your profession such as becoming a priest or a panty packer in a ladies' ladies underwear factory or a dispatcher in a massage massage massage mas mas- sage parlor or if you have become completely deranged you could become a cop who lurks behind billboards Well thank goodness for modern conveniences Today all one has to do is holler on the old way two-way radio for a service truck and hell he'll take care of the whole mess Anyway after the safety check Im I'm back in the cab with my confident teacher and ready to roll First gear and were we're off but wheres where's second gear Can you imagine I ran the first two miles in first gear trying to find second My ears were about to collapse from the Continued winding noise of the engine and the only relief in sight for me and the poor old steed was second gear Help Well it was history in the making I learned to tame the beast and went on to falsifying my credentials as an experienced truck driver to gain employment on my first truck driving job Since that time Ive I've broken the theone theone theone one million mile mark from California to Maine Florida to Alberta Canada hauling anything from food to heavy equipment Ive I've driven the vast deserts the crowded cities and the high mountain peaks Temperatures ranging from degrees in the summer to 82 degrees below zero in inthe inthe inthe the winter Tornados in Texas to hurricanes in South Carolina Avalanches in Washington to blizzards in Wyoming Dense fog in California to tropical rains in Florida and sand storms in Arizona to black ice in Nebraska With loads worth over to loads weighing more than pounds Although disaster made its mark twice and the jobs were sometimes unbearable the years behind the wheel were those of accomplishment and adventure After all who else do you know could tour the United States year after year and get paid for it at the same time A twenty-four twenty hour tourist No just the American truck driver Americas century asphalt cowboy |
