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Show fT"r''"- nr TSERIALv I STORY j CLLT V.'JJ - 1 1 " T I EXCUSE Novelized from ' the Comedy of the Same Name T'1 . ILLUSTRATED Stpert From PbototrspJia of c f the Ply mm Produced , I Hwihe By Hoary W. S.v.J. inn i Ikipjrlgui. lull, by u. J- lj JJ SYNOPSIS. 1.1-niT. Harry Mallory Is or'lTed to 1he f ti;lmlrn-M. Ho and Marjurlo Newton .1i-itte Co 'lopft. but wreck of taxlcal) pre-i.vnts pre-i.vnts tliii- M!-inK rnlnlatt.T on tho way to I w trt'i a . Tian.si:oiitln'iital train Is tak-nff tak-nff ck aam(-iK''Ih. Porter liaa a lively Mt'iJli an KoKliHliman and Ira T.ath-i-C. a. Yaike bushifss man. The elopers 1-iu.i.i- .-xi'ltlnK time K'Mtln to the I r.ln. l..ltlli; Jlnimlo" WelllnKlon, bound i'.m- t K't a divorce, boards train In m-ntijlwi condition. Later Mrs. JImrnle ipLM-ikn. She ia also bound for Reno with ..i.trn- oblect. Likewise Mrs. Sammy Whlt-L'omtt. Whlt-L'omtt. J .Ltrer tilamoa Mrs. Jimmle for 'Si:r im:ri(at (roubles. Classmates of Mal-vtty Mal-vtty ti-tTiit: brlilal berth. Hev. and Mrs. lVrrfiie mart on a vacation. They decide K -nr Ituir.e anil Temple removes evidence -it ICiiiK-. Marjorle decides to let W;l!H"F V'e'M-eed alone, but train starts . svM'as 3'rt.y ai'e lost In farewell. Passen-.T-n irtin Mallory's classmates In giving -mioi''' w?d'linir hazlnff. Marjorle Is dls-j'Tirf'vl. dls-j'Tirf'vl. 3 m I.athrop, woman-hating rtaitrwiiitr. cliscovers an old sweetheart, A K'B.' ;i.'i!Ji-. a fellow passenger. Mal-iWrp Mal-iWrp i-ainW hunts for a preacher among v:1-1!eners. Mrs. Wellington hears tittle .1 iinmle's voice. Iuter she meets Mrn Whlircrnb. Mallory reports to Mar-ru Mar-ru his failure to llnd a preacher. They 1er itl to pretenil a quarrel and Mallory -Inils a vacant berth. CHAPTER XV (Continued). And now he was sprawled and snorting- majestically among his many lug-srruje-a. like a sleeping lion. Revenge ifttte! pood to the humble porter; It tasifj-d Hike a candled yam smothered 8si 'rioKfuim gravy. He smacked his itli.k Mps jover this revenge. With salt t'.'s Insolence of a servant In brief authority, he' gloated over his prey, iind prodded him awake. , Then mur-riTHtricii mur-riTHtricii with hypocritical deference: """Eatfusf! me, but could I see yo' ticket for ji' 6cjit?" ""Or.".ainly not! It's too much trouiVis," grumbled the half asleeper. ""Cii;?und you!" Th; .porter lured him on: "Is you rsho' jfjou got one?" VWeiiigev.ood was wide awake now, :antl snily as any Englishman before Hires Utasit: "Df cawse I'm shaw. How iclare you?" "Too bad, but I'm Tbleeged to ask ' 3'ou 10 inline a peek at it." Tbss is an outrage!" "Yassrah. but I just nachelly got to se is.-" Wodgewood gathered himself to-jgpCS-er. tnd ransacked his many pock-' pock-' ets vrxth increasing anger, muttering uns5r rts ibr.eath. At length he pro-drreed pro-drreed -ne ticket, and thrust it at the porJer: "Thah, you idiot, are you convinced con-vinced .now?" ' "The porter -gazed at the billet with flJi-coore.aled triumph. "Yassah. I's .icain.oesi," Mr. Wedgewood settled SacL :nd iclosed his eyes. "I's con-sinced con-sinced 'that jou is in the wrong 5c!rfJi.!'" l.scpossi'blel .1 "won't believe you!" ette ErtEllshmaii raged, getting to his tfeet in a fury.' "Perhaps you'll believe Mlsta Ticket," Tick-et," slise porter chortled. "He says lanro'ia tn, and that's ten across the TsraF snafi flown the road a piece." "TVils is outrageous! I decline to joiqp'." TIou may decline, but you move 3uat the same," the porter said, reach-Hag reach-Hag eut for his various bags and car-ryaEs. car-ryaEs. "The train moves and you !ruoe -with it." Wspa.Tewood . stood fast: ."You had ma srfj;b.t to . put me iu.here in the ilrsc j-ince." Thu paner disdained 'to refute this 3lia'acr. tie stumbled down the aisle wrii !Che bundles. "It's 'too bad, It's autt'sry too bad, but you sholy must conve atong." a'wdKewood followed, gesticulating mrtoilafly. "Here wait how dare you! And Shit berth Is made up. 1 don't want e STO to -bed tiow!" "3ta Ticket says, 'Go to baid!'" Of all the disgusting countries! Eiali. don't put that thah heah." The Tfjrter flung his load anywhere, iiiid ii'soKved himself with a curt, "I's gotv-tSii passengers to wait on now."- t sri;tll certainly report you to the company." the Englishman fumed. "Yasab, I p'sume so." "TLave I got to go to bed now? Keal-i Keal-i but the porter was gone, anu the irate foreigner crawled under his ctinajns. muttering. "I shall write a lctf .to the London Times about h.N5- To add to his misery, Mrs. Whlt-icomb Whlt-icomb came from the Women's Koom, aai a.s she passed lura, she prodded him ith one sharp elbow and twisted tJae corner of her heel into his little sae, tie thrust his head out with his fiercest. "How dare you!" But Mrs. Whitcomb was fresh from a prolonged pro-longed encounter with Mrs. Welllng-6co. Welllng-6co. aid sne "ung back a venomous jrlare that sent the Englishman to cover. The porter reveled In his victory till El had to dash out to the vestibule an gie vent to hilarious yelps of iaiapaoiC- When he had regained com-BsauTe, com-BsauTe, he tsme back to llallory, and beet over him to say: 3 "Yo' berth la empty. Bah. Shall 1 make It up?" Mallory nodded, and turned to Marjorle, Mar-jorle, with a sad, "Good night, darling." darl-ing." The porter rolled his eyes again, and turned away, only to be recalled by Marjorle's voice: "Porter, take this old handbag out of here." The porter thought of the vanquished van-quished Lathrop, exiled to the smoking smok-ing room, and he answered: 'That belongs be-longs to the gemman what owns this berth." "Put it In number one," Marjorle commanded, with a queenly gesture. The porter obeyed meekly, wondering wonder-ing what would happen next. He had no Kooner deposited Lathrop's valise among the incongruous white ribbons, than Marjorle recalled him to say: "And, porter, you may bring me my own baggage." "Yo what missus?" "Our handbags, idiot," Mallory explained, ex-plained, peevishly. "I ain't seen no handbags of you-alls," you-alls," the porter protested. "You-all didn't have no handbags when you got on this cah." Mallory jumped as If he had been shot. "Good Lord, I remember! We left 'em in the taxlcab!" The porter cast his hands up, ana walked away from the tragedy. Marjorle Mar-jorle stared at Mallory in horror. "We had so little time to catch the train," Mallory stammered. Marjorle leaped to her feet: "I'm going up in the baggage car." "For the dog?" "For my trunk." And now Mallory annihilated her completely, for he gasped: "Our trunks are on the train ahead!" Marjorle fell back for one moment, then bounded to her feet with shrill commands: "Porter! Porter! I want you to stop this train this mlnutel" The porter called back from the depths of a berth: "This train don't stop till tomorrow noon." Marjorle had strength enongh lor only one vain protest: "Do you mean to say that I've got to go to San Francisco Fran-cisco in this waist a waist that has seen a whole day in Chicago?" The best consolation Mallory could offer was companionship In misery. He pushed forward one not too Immaculate Im-maculate cuff. "Well, this Is the only linen I have." "Don't speak to me," snapped Marjorle, Mar-jorle, beating her heels against the floor. "But, my darling!" "Go away and leave me. I hate you!" Mallory rose up, and stumbling down the aisle, plounced Into berth number three, an allegory of despair. About this time, Little Jimmle Wellington, Well-ington, having completed more or less chaotic preparations for sleep, found that he had put on his pyjamas hind-side hind-side foremost. , After vain efforts to whirl round quickly and get at his own back, he put out a frowsy head, and called for help. "Say, Porter, Porter!" ' "I'm still on the train," answered the porter, coming Into view. "You'll have to hook me up." The porter rendered what aid and correction he could in Wellington's hippopotamine toilet. Wellington was just wide enough awake to discern the undisturbed bridal-chamber. He whined: "Say, porter, that rice-trap. Aren't they going to flop the rice-trap?" The porter shook his bead sadly. "Don't look like 'that Hopper's a'goln to flip. That dog-on bridal couple la done divorced' a'ready!" CHAPTER XVI. Good Night, All! The car was settling gradually Into peace. But there was still some murmur mur-mur and drowsy energy. Shoes continued con-tinued to drop, heads to bump against upper berths, the bell to ring now and then, and ring again and again. The porter paid little heed to it; he was busy making up number Ave (Ira Lathrop's berth) for Marjorle, who was making what preparations she could for her trousseauless, hus-bandless, hus-bandless, dogless first night out. Finally the Englishman, who had almost al-most rung the bell dry of electricity, shoved from his berth his Indignant and undignified head. Once more the car resounded with the cry of "Paw-tab! "Paw-tab! Pawtah!" The porter moved up with noticeable notice-able deliberation. "Did you Ting, sah?" "Did I ring! Paw tah, you may draw my tub at eight-thutty In the mawning." "Draw yo' what, sah?" the porter gasped. "My tub." "Ba-ath tub?" "Bahth tub." "Lawdy, man. Is you allowln' to take a ba-ath In the mawnln'?" "Of course I am." "Didn't you have one befo' you stahted?" "How dare you! Of cawse I did." "Well, that's all you git." "Do you mean to tell me that there is no tub on this beastly train?" Wedgewood almost fell out of bed with the shock of this news. "We do not carry tubs -no, sah. There's a lot of tubs In San Francisco, Fran-cisco, though." "No tub on this train for four days!" Wedgewood sighed. "But whatever does one do in the meanwhile?" "One just waits. Yassah, one and all waits." "It's ghahstly, that's what It Is, ghahstly." "Yassah," said the porter, and mumbled as he walked away, "but the weather is gettin' cooler." He finished preparing Marjorle's bunk, and was Just suggesting that Mallory retreat to the smoking room while number three was made up, when there was a commotion in the corridor, and man In decked overalls over-alls dashed into the car. His ear was slightly red. and hs he-Id at arm's length, as If It were a vehomous monster, Snoozleums. And he yelled : "Say, whose durn dog Is this? He bit two men, and he makes so much noise we can't sleep in the baggage car." Marjorle went flying down the aisle to reclaim her lost lamb in wolf's clothing, and Snoozleums, the returned prodigal, yelped and leed, and told her all about the indignities he had been subjected to, and his valiant struggle for liberty. Marjorle, seeing only Snoozleums, stepped Into the fatal berth number one, and paid no heed to the dangling ribbons. Mallory, eager to restore himself to her love by loving her dog, crowded eloser to her side, making a hypocritical ado over the pup. Everybody was popping his or her face out to learn the cause of such clamor. Among the bodiless heads suspended along the curtains, Ilka Dyak trophies, appeared the great mask of Little Jimmle Wellington. He had been unable to sleep for mourning mourn-ing the wanton waste of that lovely rice-trap. When he peered forth, his eye hardly believed themselves. Th elusive bride and groom were actu ally In the trap the hen pheasant and the chanticleer. But the net did not fali. He waited to see them sit down, and spring the Infernal machine. ma-chine. But they would not sit In fact, Marjorle was muttering to Harry tenderly, now, since he had won her back by his efforts to console con-sole Snoozleums she was muttering tenderly: "We must not be seen together, honey. Go away, I'll see you In th morning." And Mallory was saying with bitterest bit-terest resignation: "Good night my friend." And they were shaking hands! This Incredible bridal couple was shaking hands with itself disintegrating! Then Wellington determined to do at least his duty by the sacred rites. The gaping passengers saw what was probably the largest pair of pajamas pa-jamas In Chicago. They saw Little Jimmle, smothering back his giggles like a schoolboy, tiptoe from his berth, enter the next berth, brushing the porter aside, climb on the seat, and clutch the ribbon that pulled tho stopper from the trap. Down upon the unsuspecting elopers elop-ers came this miraculous cloudburst of Ironical rice, and with It came Little Lit-tle Jimmle Wellington, who lost what little balance he had, and catapulted into their midst like the offspring of an Iceberg. It was at this moment that Mrs. Wellington, hearing the loud cries of the panic-stricken Marjorle, rushed from the Women's Room, absent-mindedly combing a totally detached section sec-tion of her hair. She recognized familiar fa-miliar pyjamas waving in air, and with one faint gasp: "Jimmle! on this train!" she swooned away. She would have fallen, but seeing that no one paid- any! attention to her, she recovered recov-ered consciousness on her own hook, and varnished into her berth, to meditate medi-tate on the whys and wherefores of her husband's presence In this car. Dr. Temple In a nightgown and trousers; Roger Ashton, In a collar-less collar-less estate, and the porter, managed to extricate Mr. Wellington from hia plight, and stow him away, though it was like putting a whale to bed. Mallory, seeing that Marjorle had fled, vented his wild rage against fate In general, and rice traps In particular, particu-lar, by tearing the bridal bungalow to pieces, and then he stalked Into the s-moking room, where Ira Lathrop, homeless and dispossessed, was sound asleep, with his feet In the chair. He was dreaming that he was a boy in Brattleboro, the worst boy in Brattlehoro, trying to get up the courage cour-age to spark pretty Anne Gattle, and throwing rocks at the best boy In town. Charlie Selby, who was always at her side. The porter woke Ira, an hour later, and escorted him to the late bridal section. Marjorle had fled with her dog, as soon as she could grope her way through the deluge of rice. She hopped hop-ped into her berth, and spent an hour trying to clear her hair of the multitudinous mul-titudinous grains. And as for Snoozleums, Snoozle-ums, his thick wool was so be-riced that for two days, whenever he shooK himself, he snew. (TO BE CONTINUED.) |