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Show fi2 PkLPhillipr If IDEA FOR VARIETY OS THE AIR Why not vary the radio routine by reading the commercials without music or rime and having the radio speakers and artists do their stuff in Jingles? The present routine is getting get-ting pretty tiresome. We could have Gabriel Heatter, for instance, chant: Here's the news from everywhere Five full pounds and all by air! Twice as much as Oursler, too-Old too-Old Gabe Heatter is the man for you! Ar.d why couldn't Edwin C. Hill get rhythmic: Red hot news events, red hot news events Given the Ed Hill way; Here's a newsy feast Good for man or beast Lend me your ears, hey! hey! . Take the matter of a fireside chat: When you're feeling low and flat Ask me for a fireside chat; Figures, facts and plans to boot Please accept no substitute! Ask for Roosevelt on the air Good for dry and falling hair; Helps the nerves run down by war Get the label "F. D. R." Now, my friends and neighbors, hark While I spread the vital spark; Never mind what killjoys say, Stick to me and you'll feel gay. On the war front all goes well Adolf is a hollow shell; Watch the Axis partners scram; Quick results from Uncle Sam! Ask for Franklin's Tax Pill when You have acidosis, men! Have you rickets, hives or money? Let me rid you of them, honeyl . And what a novelty it would be if "Information, Please" went in for the jingle craze! Mr. Fadiman: Mrs. Gregory Atterbury Wayne; Asks who was the melancholy Dane? Let the drops of wisdom trickle For Mr. Heinz and every pickle. F. P. A.: Away with Danes and let's have more Of merry tunes from Pinafore! Oscar Levant: Ten fast fingers, that's a lot; Mine have hit the big jackpot; From that query I will flee Musical questions are the ones for me! John Kieran: Hamlet that's the Dane you seek; I like Sanskrit, I like Greek; On round clams the seagulls fatten; Ask me for a verse in Latin. Shakespeare is the author's name; Baseball is a kind of game; Woodchucks chew your lima beans Wanna know who wrote "Blue Jeans"? The idea is worth considering. Or isn't it? "I was a fool at the beginning of the war. I could have got all the whisky I wanted, and now I have only a three-years' supply left." The Maharaja of Jammu and Kashmir. Kash-mir. The Indian problem gets more and more complex, doesn't it? That restaurant which used to overlook all Naples, of which you recently spoke, was Renzo e Lucia On San Martino. It's the place where you sampled those small scorpions which they called oysters that year. Let's hope it has survived the bombings. bomb-ings. Traver Briscoe. Elmer Twitchell is delighted with that OPA decision to let "A" card holders have one short vacation fling If properly certified. He has a certified cer-tified cottage on a certified lake with certified scenery, and will make the trip with his certified wife and kiddies. kid-dies. "General. Giraud's visit is strictly military." News item. Wanna bet? COMING EVENTS Farewell goosestep, High and strong! You'll be a deuce-step Before long. "Six Point Meat Program Proposed." Pro-posed." headline. Nonsense; yon can't get any meat for six points. ' WARNING TO A CARD HOLDERS By automobile Or "alternative means," This summer's vacation's For kids in their teens. THANKS, OPA! Behold the modern Phoebe Snow Vacationing by gas she'll go; She feels so guiltless deep inside Because her trip is certified. . John D. Rockefeller drove a battered bat-tered electric roadster over 30 years old and capable of going only about eight miles an hour to a celebration the other day. The rich get all the breaks. Vice President Wallace now sings j it "Deep In The HEAT" of Texas. |