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Show I Ten O'Clock Whistle I by David Fleisher The life of an astronaut is probably not easy As of this writing the spacecraft "Columbia" is in good shape and astronauts Joe Engle and Richard Truly are preparing for a trip that will take them around and around the world (where they stop, nobody knows). Scheduled last week because some idiot forgot to change the oil; yes, that's right. Technicians found dirty oil and clogged filters in two of Columbia's hydraulic units, and with only 31 seconds left on the clock before the big blast-off, spaced-out officials had to call a scrub. Well, scrub-a-dub-dub. That guy who forgot to check the oil shouldn't be allowed to work in a Texaco station much less at Cape Canaveral. Can you imagine what it must have been like for those lonesome astronauts waiting anxiously to take off around the world? Here, they have readied themselves, physically and mentally, for the momentous occasion, a trip all the world will watch with interest, an event they will never forget for the rest of their lives, when suddenly the word comes down from one of the space cadets in the control room: "Okay fellas, relax. We have to scrub the trip. Somebody forgot to buy the Pennzoil. I repeat, the trip has been officially scrubbed." Do you know what I would have said if I had been one of those astronauts? Well, scrub you too Charley. But Astronaut Engle said last week he was "thoroughly convinced that we were just about ready to lift off" when the countdown clock stopped cold at 31 seconds before ignition. I wonder what goes through an astronaut's mind seconds before he is lifted closer to God. Contrary to popular opinion, I bet he thinks about a lot of mundane things, one of which could be his wife. WIFE: Henry, I want you to get out of that spacecraft right now and come take out the garbage. ASTRONAUT: I can't right now, honey. I'm forty seconds away from being blasted off the earth, and then I'll travel around the world several times at a speed of 17,400 miles per hour. WIFE: Excuses, excuses! Did you remember to fix the leaky faucet before you left this morning? ASTRONAUT: No, I forgot. WIFE: Well I didn't! I got sprayed this morning while I was washing the dishes. And speaking of dishes, why didn't you dry them last night? I wash, you dry. That's the agreement. ASTRONAUT:Listen, I've had a lot on my mind lately. This is a very important trip. I could be a hero; I could be recorded in the history books. WIFE: Well you ain't gonna be my hero unless you get your little fanny back to this house and take out the garbage! ASTRONAUT: All right, if this is the way you want to be, then I can play that game too. My sox are dirty. WIFE: Of course your sox are dirty because along with forgetting to fix the faucet you also forgot to fix the washing machine. ASTRONAUT: And there's another thing. Why do you have to turn the light on in the middle of the night. It keeps me awake. WIFE: Because it's hard to read in the dark. ASTRONAUT: You can't read in the living room? WIFE: If I read in the living room, I hear the faucet in the kitchen dripping and it makes me sea sick. ASTRONAUT: Sea Sick?!! Do you have any idea what's going to happen to me in about ten seconds? I'm going to get space sick, air sick, speed sick. Honey, I'm about to travel around the entire world in this spacecraft! And what if somebody forgot to check the oil again? I could be long gone! WIFE: Henry, you're already long gone. You've been thinking more about that stupid spacecraft than you have me; and believe me, it hasn't gone unnoticed. ASTRONAUT: Honey, gotta go, we're taking off! I'll see you when I get back. Kiss the kids for me. WIFE: Henry? ASTRONAUT: What? Make it fast. I'm feeling nauseous. WIFE: I love you. ASTRONAUT: I love you. too. WIFE: Henry? ASTRONAUT: What now?! WIFE: You'll dry the dishes when you get back? ASTRONAUT: Yes, and I'll fix the faucet! Goodbye! WIFE: Thank you, Henry, and I love you. As I walk up Main Street. I hear the Ten O'Clock Whistle. Park Record 649-1333 |