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Show efflce at night, what would he be doing?" do-ing?" 'That'3 what ma wants to know." Life. A a Peace Preserver. All at once, the riotous mob begun to Bcattcr. "What's the matter?" aekej an In- Docent but nearsighted bystander. "'Soldiers?" "Worse!" gasped the ringleader. turnlDg to flee. "Automobiles ?" Chi-j Chi-j cago Record Herald. Ready for the Storm. "I Intend," tho poet wrote, Mto continue con-tinue to storm tho citadel of your affections. af-fections. "Storm away," she wrote back, "hut I've Just succeeded la getting In out of tho wet by becoming engaged to a dear old man who has $9,000,000." St. Loula Poat-Dlripatch. JUST FOR FUN Its Advantages. Mlfflns What is the main advantage advan-tage of Ruft's new shaving soap? Settena Why, it smarts the faco so much that the pain caused by tho dullest razor can't be felt. Chicago News. Tommy to the Rescue. Remedies are, unfortunately, sometimes some-times worse than the diseases which they are made to cure. Tommy's mother had made him a present of a toy shovel and sent hlra out in the sand lot to play with his baby brother. broth-er. "Take care of baby, now," said bis mother, "and don't let anything hurt him." Presently screams of anguish from baby pent the distracted parent flying fly-ing to tho sand lot. "For gooduerss sake. Tommy, what has happened to the baby?" snld sho, trying to soothe the walling Infant. "There was a naughty fy biting him on the top of his head and I killed kill-ed It with the shovel," was the proud reply. Lippincott's. Useless Expense. The real estate firm of Solomon & O'Sullhan had lots for sale In a newly new-ly planned suburban district. O'Sulllvan young, enthusiastic and Irish was writing the advertisement, the national eloquence flowing from his pen He urged Impending purchasers purchas-ers to selzo the passing moment "Napoleon," he wrote, "not only met opportunity; he created It." Mr, Solomon read this line in the advertisement slowly anil carefully. "This ffllow Napoleon." he said "what's the use of advertising him with our money?" Answers. Always on Hand. Tho primary clnas was discussing birds, and the teacher asked what llrds remained In our climate all the yeor round. Nearly every kind had boon given, when little Daniel raised bis hand "Have you thought of ouo more?" his teacher asked. "Ves'rn." he answered, triumphantly. triumphant-ly. "The Btork." Delineator. 1 The Eternal Qu-stlon, I A teacher whs trying to explain the dangers of overwork to one of the smaller pupils. "Now, Tommy," 9he pursued, "If your father were busy all day and said he would have to go back to the |