OCR Text |
Show JUST FOR FUN Depew's Hero of the War. Among Senator pepew' stnrle there is one about a veteran on. a street car. The cteran. In oil the panoply ot his blue unllorm, braaw buttons and white cotton feloves. was on his way to a Fourth of July picnic on the outskirts out-skirts of the village. A stranger boarded the car, and the veteran, leaning across his wife, engased the nian iu conversation. The talk soon turned to warfare, and the veteran said: "Yea, sir, I've f ecn Hghtln.' I pot this gash acrost the cheek at Chlcka-mauga. Chlcka-mauga. My stiff lo.c, by t;osh, comes from a ball In the knee Chancellors-vllle. Chancellors-vllle. This thumb nan here was shot off at Gettysburg. I lost the tip of my ear et Spottsylvania." "Dear me." said the stranger, Tlow Iniprestlnc'. You hfive.lndeed. sir. ficen hot fighting. Dut, tell mo, how d;d you get that long, deep, mnrdfrous dent down (he tide of your nose? A cavalry charge, hand-to-hand engagement, engage-ment, eh? The veteran frowned and Ignored the question He began t j talk about the heat. But his wire Interrupted. "Co on. Bill," she i-ald impatiently. "Tell the gentleman how you got the dent In your nose." "You ehut up, Hannah," said the veteran. "I won't nuiber," said the woman. wom-an. "For it Just about riles the skin off me to hear ycu braggin' and brag-gin' brag-gin' about the marks you got in the war, whilst you von't never open your head about the finest and most noticeable mark of all the one I rive you with the fire shovel." Washington Washing-ton Star. When O. Henry Lo6t Prestige. Once, when exploring a factory district dis-trict for story material, O. Henry in-v.ted in-v.ted a bright little girl to dine with him. She accepted on condition that she might bring a friend along. During Dur-ing the dinner the writer sought to make M" tmeses feel at ease by resting rest-ing Ms English to the ex'ent cf uiing "ain't" and "hadn't ouehter" and a few .other popular inutilat.ons of the mother tonruf- He saw the little girl a few days later, "I was awful mortified that night." she said. "You spoke so ungrammAH-cal ungrammAH-cal before my lady friend!" Success. Troubles of the Ancients. I Alexander tho Great was sighing, be-' cause there were uo more worlds to conquer. i "But, your majesty," cried his courtiers, "you'll have trouble enough in benevolently aes'milatlng the various var-ious peoples you have conquered on this planet." Forcibly impressed with this idea, which had not occurred to him, Alexander Alex-ander brightened up aud began to lay plans for enlarging the regular army. Chicago Record-Herald. A Sly Suggestion. They had reached the outer portals of the front door, and were then going go-ing through tho process of parting, very llngcringly, "When I say good-nlcht to you this evening," .surgled Mr. Youngslow, "do you think it would he proper for me to place one reverent kiss upon your fair hand?" "Well," phe sighed noftly, as she placed her hend quietly on his shoulder, shoul-der, "I should consider It decidedly out of place." Llpplncou's. He Wouldn't Stay Bought-A Bought-A cuest was expected for dinner and Bobby had received cents as the price of his silence during the meal. He was as quiet as a mouse until, discovering that his favorite dessert was being served, he could no longer curb his enthusiasm He drew the coin from his pocket, and, rolling it across the table, exclaimed: ' Here's your nickel, mamma. I'd , rather talk." Success. At the First Try. "What do von think of my doughnuts, dough-nuts, George?" "Dear, you are a wonder!" "Do you think so really, darling?" "I certainly do. Scientists have been trying for years to produce artificial ar-tificial rubber, and here you do it tho first rattle out of the box." Houston Hous-ton Tost Still Higher Finance. "Surely," began tho private secretary. secre-tary. "It won't pay to give to loth parties?" "My dear fellow," replied the astute president, "you ure forgetting that in a jear or two one of them will be offering of-fering me a rebate not t support the other." j |