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Show uu BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME! She (tearfully) "There have been times in my life, as today, when I was tempted to commit suicide ' He (still mad) "Oh. well, there's no use crying over lost opportunities." WHICH REMINDS US THAT The biggest difference between a mosquito and an elephant is the size. The morale of the nation must have been left in France. About the only traces we find In ihe United States are in the newspaper files. If Turkeys laid eggs every day in the year and every one was hatched and every little turk lived and gre t fat. there'd Still be a shortage around ThanksghiiiR and Christmas. The question as to whether the dead come back is answered by John Barleycorn Bar-leycorn and elections. If every Red in the United Statts is ticketed as Attorney General Palmer ( would have us believe, let's hope 'hat I the railroad men don't pull a strike Bad machinery always makes a noise. When any wife asks her husband if ihe secured seats to the theater she doesn't mean to infer that she's asi I heavy as all ihnt Some women go crazy when their husbands die, and others merely remain re-main eras) It's not hard to improve a man's .condition with money, but it's impossible impos-sible to improve the man. ' WHAT HAS BECOME OF The days when Russian Nihilists .and their bombs were musical comedy jokes" Christmas, the peace on earth season, sea-son, will neer appear in Russia this year. The question is now, do the glands from the male or female of the monkey mon-key give the man the most pop ' oo |