Show I L THE ELKS BOOSTER I are Weare nr not Published by y and some lome delinquent Elks We WeW subsidized Sl e by s shotguns y brass braas knuckles or cap pistols W We f fear o ear nobody or no one because one because The Booster Is all aU in fun T The Elks Booster Booser makes its 1926 bow to the reading pub 1 Ec c with no apologies to anyone for anything Born Bora amid t the e enervating moonshine of Ogden in July it It lil- lil lili co comes e a quietly nn p like i ithe a malaria germ stealing into the boudoir of a a Brigham am City debutante in order to start something Even th tha the e c editors di or don dont don't t know what it is all about We wish to say to the social climbers and the politically ambitious who have trouble getting their names in the news or locle society columns columns of The Standard Standard Examiner Examiner r that they may see u us We e will ill c carry rry any debutantes debutante's profile in our columns pro vided provided it lt came fro from the camera during the last 20 years The only pose pose we bar is lS a man with sideburns holding his bis mustache cup in in his left hand J June e brides however must stop smoking when they pose pOle po for lor the their photos for The Booster as the editors still have some fashioned old fashioned ol womanly modesty about them and very decided op opinions ons about June June brides Mostly because we married one All ll scandal must be signed by somebody before it will be willbe willIbe permitted to appear in these columns husband shooting willI Will be condoned under certain conditions but in no case will any anyone anyone anyone one dane dame be abs absolved from shooting more than one husband There lS is no occasion for exceeding the game limit merely be because cause cause the entire year is open season for letting daylight into friend husband We will not stand behind the chief of police if he sends policemen down Twenty fifth street and they accidentally get locked in harness or other shops Contractors who come into our office seeking our support for lor a certain type of paving will find the sidewalk hard We will support the city waterworks department in de Glaring claring all sprinkling regulations off and permitting the peo people pIe to use all they want for any purpose We dont don't need it for lor chasers any more Our editorial department will be as solid as the rock of Gibraltar and cannot be swerved either to the right tight or to the left by anyone but the better class of large corporations peanut politicians and bootleggers We have plenty to t say gay on on either side of the eighteenth amendment and what we say about the great bootlegging In Industry depends entirely on how many cases they deliver to tous tous tous us every month We might add however without any attempt at sarcasm that there are some towns in Utah which apparently have not yet heard that congress some years ago passed a prohibition law law News travels slowly in some parts All women's organizations such as the Association for Rehabilitation of Broken Down Charleston Dancers will please understand our editorial department is not a free lunch coun coun- counter counter ter It shall always be wielded for the benefit and growth of Ogden as we hope to see it grow until it is of a size com com- commensurate commensurate with Frank Rounds white vest We want Washington avenue paved between car tracks and if the mayor docs does not take some steps toward getting this stone stone cobblestone atrocity fixed up so the editor can get home with without out blowing out a tire he will find b himself among the also rans at the next election We will have no womans woman's department in our publication as past experience has taught us that us-that that a want ad is worth more to us than any long drawn out article on child welfare by some pert dame who has no chickens or children of her own We will carry no scary headlines telling about the future raids on bootleggers that are to take place If I the officers want the bootleggers to know they are going to raid them they can phone them or run the information in our advertis advertising ing lug columns at the regular rates We will fight all shams to a bitter finish We will play no mans game Good churchmen who beat it from from the base baseball ball game just in time to get a seat in the Amen Amen corner of church on Sunday will be exposed unless they are advertisers We are willing to back another horse show at any time if Salt Lake will get some of the prizes We vigorously oppose a rumored attempt of the interests to take over the city hall as a in drive-in thirst r f quencher Our position on evolution is right We firmly believe that i some men sprang from monkeys but we admit some did not spring far enough Although we are fighting shy of politics and have no political interest whatsoever if it were not for the Republican party we would have no homes no churches no food no coal coal no postoffice no theatres no sugar factories no Greek restaurants rants or no sheriff These things have always been given us by bythe bythe bythe the Republican party but as we already said we have noth noth- nothing noth- noth nothing nothing ing to say about politics We publish no such tales as Sandy because such stories arouse no interest and while this novel has been the property of one of our small contemporaries and while such luch things are all right in their circumscribed spheres they are of too small to be bothered with in a publication the magnitude of ours We Vie suggest that the fine body of water out behind the packing house be named Lake Asafoetida We will uphold no DO woman who says to her husband after he has finished a hard days day's work Say I saw you coming out of a Twenty-fifth Twenty street joint this afternoon And we also have no use for a husband who would answer Well WellI I had to come out sometime To the advertiser who finds the most mistakes In his ads we will donate a one-inch one space free of charge next year It we go to press Also we will buy the advertiser as many A and W Ws W's s 's as there are mistakes in the ad next year We will say to the city milk inspector who recently sent us a long article on milk that we condensed it We are opposed to the installation of horns on liners flivvers They look like the devil already We got all balled up in our last edition when we pub published fished the story that a prominent banker had bad died But we beat all the other newspapers to the story and we were also the first newspaper to deny it We need a young cub reporter The last one we sent lent to abig abig a big fire and when he returned we suggested that he better get busy and write the story No use writing it he answered was Everybody there Riddle If It a single fly can lay nine nine million eggs In one summer lummer how bow many can a married fly lay N Now ow you vou tell one tide Dele my hands are cold |