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Show vfkl.PhiI!ipr W YOU'RE A STIR-CRAZY DRAFTEE IF 1. You're always raving how the i girls went nuts over you at home J and you never receive any boxes of j eats. I 2. You think you're the "big ; boss" as soon as you become the ; First Sergeant. j 3. You start forgetting what de-! de-! tails you were supposed to finish be-j be-j fore you're half started, j 4. You believe the only-girl-in-( the-world when she says she's stay-j stay-j ing alone at home pining for you. J 5. You're dressed in denims most of the day and you call yourself a ! yardbird 326 times a day and expect I it always to fetch a laugh, j 6 You're in the outfit three weeks and believe the Top Kick j when he says he'll get you a first j and third. ! 7. You are tent corporal, and you J get the idea the whole tent must bow to your whims about loud radio plays and blaring news reports. 8. You believe old-timers when they say this is the worst army they've ever been in; and will never again join up. 9. You believe all the wondrous tales about the greener pastures to be found in "other camps." 10. You think anything will ever come from trying to get into a conversation with telephone operators, opera-tors, 5-&10-cent store dames, and canteen girls. LINES ON DUTY ("It is not enough for us merely to trim the wick and polish the glass in the lamp of victory." President Roosevelt.) With the lamp on the floor 'Neath a volley of bricks. Let no man offer help As a trimmer of wicks. With the light almost out And the oil low, alas! Would you bellow, "One side! Lemme polish the glass!"? When a swimmer yells "Help!" With his chances quite slim, Would you toss him a book On "The Right Way to Swim"? If he slips 'neath a wave And there isn't much hope, i Would you cry, "Your address! I will mail you a rope!"? When a man's on a raft As the sharks near him swish. Do you think it's enough To denounce all such fish? To be brief, in a war Such as this frightful one. Are you just one who says "Something OUGHT to be done!"? Add similes: as unwelcome as an invitation to come to Berchtesg3den. WHY IS IT That there seem to be more left-handed left-handed eaters in cafeterias than in other restaurants? That, if she has a dog and you have a dog. you can speak to a strange girl without offense? That the coffee at breakfast always al-ways seems to be better than the coffee at supper and that the scrambled scram-bled eggs at supper seem to be bet-; bet-; tcr than the scrambled eggs at breakfast? Gardiner S. Dresser. Toto, the gorilla that has become be-come the mate of Gargantua, is now with the Rinpling circus. It's an even bet that both gorillas goril-las spend most of the time looking look-ing at each other and thinking. "I hope I never got to look as terrible as that." rrobably the Ringling outfit Is now wondering about the old adage that two gorillas can live as cheap as one. William McChcsncy Martin, youthful youth-ful head of the New York Stock ex- change, has been called by his draft i board. Any training for war that he will get in camp will be superficial super-ficial compared with what he has gone through as head of the exchange. ex-change. What F.lnier Twitchell wants to know It whether Mr. Martin is going into the army for the long pull or a quick turnover. The Louvain library, restored largely by America after the Germans Ger-mans destroyed it in the last war. was again wrecked by the Germans In this war. It develops. It seems the Nazis couldn't bear the report that there was a bonk in it. AITIAI, Life Is real, life is earnest, So away with all pretence! Gome! Let's cut out playing marbles And speed up with that defense! -H. A. S. In occupied countries the Na;is are rationing dogs, but word comes from lleli:ium that this applies only to dogs that can be shown to hnvr German blood. A smart dog ever there is one that knows enough to goose-step to his meals. |