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Show Kathleen Norris Says: When He Stops Loving You Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. I 1 It lit H!L-en IS "Disillusionment, as a wife, came when 1 discovered that John had had many affairs of the heart during his widowhood.' By KATHLEEN NORRIS "TF YOUR husband has I stopped loving you, says -I- frankly that he has lost all interest in you, isn't that an excuse for divorce?" demands de-mands Philippa Allen of Ger-mantown. Ger-mantown. "Or am I, at 40, supposed to drag on into middle mid-dle age and old age, with an entirely unsympathetic man? "John and I met seven years ago," her letter goes on. "We were instantly attracted to each other; he was a widower with a daughter aged 10; I had two sons, now 19 and 17 years of age. Ours was a whirlwind courtship and the first years of our marriage seemed to me nearer complete com-plete ecstasy than I thought human beings ever could attain. at-tain. My boys were with their father's mother, and in boarding school; I saw them whenever I could, but we did not live in the same city, or even state. Daphne, then a dear little girl, I made my especial charge and pet. "Disillusionment, as a wife, came when I discovered that John had had many affairs of the heart during his widowhood, and was still going on . with them. I won't go into details; de-tails; but at the time of our marriage his office secretary sued him for breach of promise; he had to settle with her. I knew nothing of that until later. But I did know that many a time when he pleaded late work, professional calls out of town, he was carrying on an affair with one woman or another. Wife Humiliated by Husband. "Sheer pride kept me quiet; I endured en-dured unthinkable humiliations, I kept my mouth shut. Daphne grew up to the usual independence of the teens, and is now her father's favorite favor-ite companion. He refuses her nothing. noth-ing. She has a chum whom I will call Edith, a beautiful girl of 18. John is openly infatuated with this girl. The reason I am writing you is that just -yesterday I found out that Daphne and Edith are planning to visit John at the Florida camp where he is stationed, some weeks from now. He is a captain, loving his work, filled with youthful enthusiasm; enthusi-asm; he wants the girls to come down for some special occasion; not being in their confidence I don't know exactly what it is. "My boys are in California; the younger one a volunteer in the navy, the older at an officers' training camp. Neither one could be with me, of course; if I leave John I will be entirely alone, and he is in no position now to pay more than a very scant alimony. Will you advise me? Will this come out right if I continue in patience and silence and ' long-suffering? What are the spir itual values of this situation? I truly want to do right, and not to act precipitately pre-cipitately and make a mistake." My dear Philippa, your time for patience and silence was years ago, when you were the wife of another man, and had the rights of boys of 12 and 10 to consider. When you deserted them and their father for a new love, and jumped into a situation situa-tion you obviously did not thoroughly understand, you lost all sense of spiritual values. And that sense, and the situation that makes such values what they are, are not easily regained. re-gained. Hard Work and Separation Advised. It would seem to me that the dignified dig-nified thing to do would be to write John that you mean to take him at his word and leave his house, and to find hard work essential to these crucial times, that will make you self-supporting and save your self-respect. self-respect. Ask him to make some arrangement for Daphne; perhaps she would board with the fascinating Edith, and remove yourself entirely from the whole picture. To continue to maintain a handsome home for a man who has no appreciation of it, and for a thankless, independent girl, is only to embitter yourself. Do this without haste and without ugly feeling. Then let later events shape your further policy. Possibly John will ask for a divorce. Possibly Pos-sibly he will awaken to the fact that you are more valuable to him than his conduct has made you feel. Forty is an age that may have, and often does, a riper charm than any girl of 18 can display. Or you might wire him, "Coming down with girls." The risk then would be of their rudeness, and his answering wire, "Cannot possibly make arrangements for you here." On the other hand, he might be delighted de-lighted to be relieved of the full responsibility re-sponsibility for them, and to have the dignity of a chaperon making, putting their visit beyond criticism. Why not try this idea; tell them pleasantly that you are going along? Look your prettiest, act your best, and in assuming your rightful place as John's wife, you may do much to straighten out the whole situation. |