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Show fated I.Phillipr P OUR OWN IDEA FOR A PARTY PLATFORM 1 We are as confused, puzzled, exasperated and uncertain as anybody any-body else and in the interest of candor can-dor start this platform by saying so. 2 If there ever was a time when tve didn't profess to know all the answers this is it. 3 We believe that the voters of this country see the futility of words as never before, and that the influence in-fluence of gas over horse-sense is it an all-time low. 4 We hold that deeds, not words :ount in this critical hour, and that long-winded keynoters, orators, platform plat-form makers and plank builders are In the public mind comparable only to the fellow who yodels at Ihree-alarm fires, gives demonstrations demonstra-tions in voice throwing in time Df flood and cyclone, and goes in to have a recording made of his voice iuring earthquakes. Agriculture. We are in favor of agriculture, we sympathize with home-gardeners trying to raise iceberg-lettuce, ive blame the opposition party for the radish and think the Atlantic Charter should be extended to in-;lude in-;lude the potato bug in the unconditional uncondi-tional surrender. We believe in the tomato and promise a better postwar post-war squash. ' Labor. We reaffirm our belief that labor Is a good thing and in the interests Df candor, admit our main interest In it is the votes. We do not think the question is so much "What will you do for labor?" as "What will tabor do for us?" Foreign Policy. We promise to change our foreign policy in the theory that any change, however slight, will be a big improvement. im-provement. We are pretty mixed up ourselves on our foreign policy and wish nobody had brought up the Jarned thing at this time. Tariff. It's high enough on everything, especially restaurant checks, telephone tele-phone bills and a good rye or Scotch. Army and Navy. We are men enough to admit that we owe it everything, that it makes this convention possible and that there isn't a man in either service who would have the gall to devote any of his time in this grave crisis (o the trivial business of kidding ihe public through party platforms. Air Forces. Well, it makes politicians, orators, platform framers, gimme-gimme boys, main-chancers and baloney experts seem a pretty scurvy crew, doesn't it? Money. We indorse money unqualifiedly. We think there should be more of it. We believe a way can be found to pipe it through hoses. We are against a new zinc penny and bu-lieve bu-lieve the dollar bill should buy tne article instead of merely paying Ihe tax on it. Social Security. We favor social security for all and all for social security. We, are opposed to worry. Business. We think business is a good tiling and that there is a place in it for business men. But we advise steel helmets, plenty of headache pills and extra football equipment. We favor larger matches for burning questionnaires. Pinup Girls. We believe they are the out landing land-ing need of American business men and that, profiting on the splendid splen-did results to the morale of the army, they should be tried by every plant owner and exetntive. |
