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Show rhl.Phillipr 1 ; THOUGHTS ON HORSE RACING Horse racing is a form of competition compe-tition between horses to determine what shape the customers are in. It Is a demonstration in durability for all participants except the horses. It is a type of sport that combines all the features of a subway jam, a food riot, a Christmas shopping rush and a panic in the madhouse. - A man can get the same sensations sensa-tions in any snbway station during the rush hour for a nickel. And in addition he won't have to listen to any tips that the local can beat the express if the smart money is up. Racing is proof of the claim that, for a chance to lose $2 swiftly, a man will undergo all known forms of inconvenience and torture, provided provid-ed they are endured in an aroma of steamed frankfurters, beer, B.O. and fresh roasted peanuts. Once horse racing may have been the Sport of Kings. But the proletariat prole-tariat has taken over. If a king gets to his seat today with no ribs broken yon know he had the king's horses running interference for him. Where once a few thousand persons per-sons spent leisurely afternoons, tens of thousands today blitz the tracks, panting, popeyed and perspiring as they reproduce Custer's Last Fight with the tomahawking done in technicolor. tech-nicolor. When pari mutuels stepped into American racing brotherly love, order, or-der, dignity, common sense and laws regarding mayhem flew oat the window. Window is right! We used to go to the track now and then for recreation. Now we go a couple of times a season to take off weight, test our stamina, and get a fair idea of what Indian warfare was like. We used to see a horse occasionally. occasional-ly. Now we do well if we see a horse's ears. Once we watched 'em come down the stretch, neck and neck. Now the best we can do is to get it by loudspeaker loud-speaker while hanging onto our watch, pleading for the women and children first and wondering where our hat went. Once inside it is every man for himself and no accident or health insurance sold on the grounds. THE JAP LEADERS TO THEIR EMPEROR We offer our apologies, As planes above you swarm, For putting you upon a spot And making it so warm; We're sorry bombers do Your royal dwelling skirt; Excuse it, please, if it appears That we have done you dirt! We are so very sorry that You even smell the smoke And that our busy firemen The royal grounds must soak; We abjectly apologize And shed a bitter tear That war we planned so far away Should ever come so near. It is distressing just to know That "smoke gets in your eyes" , And for each whiff of it we are Glad to apologize; We're sorry that you had to know The brutal facts of life; We hoped to run this conflict as Our little private strife. Again we do express our grief; j We're broken hearted, too, When we see war so near at hand It's right next door to YOU We didn't plan our war that way It fills us with remorse, So, once more, deep apologies To you and TO YOUR HORSE1 President Truman's old home at Independence is being painted. All we hope is that, as President, he will get a better paint job than most folks are getting these days. Ye ed had the barn painted twice in the last three years and the first heavy rain washed it off. What are the painters using for paint today? And if so why perpetuate the custom of thinning it out? Good luck, Harry; you'U need it! "Hotels will not be permitted to collect service charges on long distance dis-tance phone calls, the U. S. Supreme court announced." News item. Wanna bet? Can You Remember Away back when a butcher's wife thought nothing of asking him to bring home a steak? And when the nnry was thought to be the less dangerous branch of the service in wartime? The Federal Reserve board is against lifting restrictions against time payments in buying new automobiles. auto-mobiles. It realizes that never in history have Americans been so lit- . tie apprehensive about going intc permanent hock. |